Malfoy and Black
by ListerineSkulls
Summary: Narcissa doesn't love Lucius anymore. She doesn't. And Remus only loves Sirius as a brother. Really, he does. Regulus is content with being Narcissa's best friend. He is. And an engagement to help repair Andromeda's social faux pas? Who needs that? NB/LM
1. Breath tickling

3

His breath tickled my neck.

_Stop_

My body was reacting to his warm exhaling much more pleasantly than I thought it should.

"Wake up, Moony," he whispered.

_No._

It was winter holiday of our sixth year at Hogwarts. Peter, Sirius, and I had all crashed at James's house for the holiday. The full moon had been two nights ago. I was still catching up on sleep. My body felt lead-like, unable to move.

"Let him sleep," James suggested, "Exploding Snap isn't worth exhausting him."

_Exploding Snap?_

Sirius's breath was still at my throat, "Pleasant dreams then."

My eyes snapped open as the pleasant warmth of him left me, "Hard to dream when you all won't be quiet."

I sat up, trying to forget how nice it had been to have Sirius's mouth so close to my own.

_Behave yourself, Remus._

"What day is it?" I asked, unsure of how long I had been asleep.

"Two days before break ends," Peter said sadly.

Sirius sighed, "Yep. It's my cousin's birthday."

"Who? Legs?" James asked immediately. 'Legs' was the slightly demeaning nickname that he used for Narcissa Black, Sirius's younger cousin. It was given due to James's opinion that the purpose of her whole existence in humanity was her legs. She had no other redeeming quality.

_But, hell, those legs…_

"That'd be the one," Sirius said, "They're probably having some fancy shindig as we speak. Something horrible. In the ballroom, of course."

James gave an exaggerated shudder.

"But she and Regulus are probably ditching," he chuckled to himself. "I almost miss it. Ditching the boring parties, that is."

Sirius had recently run away from home and proper society. He had finally had enough money to leave the bigoted place he hated. But he still had doubt. Because though he hated them, they were the known and familiar.

_I hate when he's like this. Sad, I mean. _

"But think of all the small talk you'd have to endure, Padfoot," I reminded him, "You'd have to discuss the _weather._ There'd be no escape from that."

He laughed, "You, Moony, have a point. I ran away so I would no longer have to discuss what a nice day it was. It's the whole reason."

"It's all the reason you need," I told him, relieved to see him smile.

Sirius was my best friend. I loved him like a brother…Or at least, I hoped I loved him like a brother.

_Stop._

James proceeded to deal out the Exploding Snap cards. We played a few rounds and Sirius won, as usual. Peter lost, as usual. It eventually morphed into Exploding Fifty-Two Pick-Up, as usual.

I dreaded the return of school, as usual. The day continued in normality and I stubbornly ignored my waking thoughts.

3

His breath tickled my neck.

_Stop._

I forced a hesitant smile to my lips.

_Leave. Go back to Regulus._

He nuzzled his lips to my throat and my spine prickled. I was being bad. Again. Only this time, my rebellion seemed only to gain the approval of my pretentious family.

Except Regulus. I could still see his face as he watched me leave the ballroom, hand-in-hand with Rabastan Lestrange. He usually vacant gray eyes had swirled with the slightest hurt as he stood there, amid a gaggle of giggling girls. I had almost run to him, forgotten the stupid impulse…

_Stop. That's worse._

It was my sixteenth birthday party. Only I was no longer in attendance, swapping spit with Rabastan in the front hallway, but no matter. My father wanted me married.

All because of stupid Andromeda running off with some muggle-born loser…

He was desperate to find someone respectable willing to put a ring on either my or my sister, Bellatrix's finger. It didn't matter which. Just repair the family name. But Bella wasn't interested in getting married.

_So instead she dresses me up like a harlot and parades me around wealthy men. Like her toy. Never mind the fact that she's five years older than I am._

So the burden fell to the youngest, the prettiest of the Black daughters. That'd be me.

_Whoopee._

Regulus, my best friend and cousin, hated it. But then again, so did I. And tonight, I had simply wanted to be awful.

Because that plan worked so well…

Of course, Bellatrix had seemed so smug when she saw me leave with Rabastan. He came from a rich family. A respectable family. And Bellatrix was still holding out for Lucius Malfoy. Her and the rest of the female population.

_Lucius…Stop. Now._

Lucius Malfoy was the heir to the Malfoy fortune. His father owned the printed press of the Wizarding world. _The Daily Prophet?_ Owns it. _Transfiguration Today?_ Owns it. _Witch Weekly?_ Owns it. I could continue, but you get the point. His family was beyond respectable; they were royalty. And it helped that Lucius was hot.

_Yeah, and an arrogant scumbag. But, yes, very good-looking. And tall…Stop._

The Malfoys had a mansion down the street from ours where Lucius used to spend his summers. He was in the same year at Hogwarts with Bellatrix and she never truly understood that he wasn't interested.

_Well, I wouldn't say that. He was interested in getting in her pants at the very least._

I myself had used to follow him around like a lovesick puppy. He had been my hero.

_Note the past tense._

But, never you mind, I hadn't seen Lucius in four years. Since he had graduated from Hogwarts. Well, I had seen him once. At mum's funeral. But we didn't speak a word to each other. He just hugged me. For the entire service. And then left again.

_Jerk._

So now, almost 16, I was not one of his fangirls. I sincerely hoped that he and Bellatrix would be happy together.

_In hell._

Making out with Rabastan Lestrange in the front hallway of my house was not the ideal way to spend my birthday.

_Well, duh. The boy has personal hygiene issues. His breath is rank._

So I wasn't too upset when I heard the front door open. I was upset, however, when I heard the voice that starting catcalling.

_Asshole. _

Travis Travers. Lucius Malfoy's best friend. I yanked my head away from Rabastan's to get a better look. He was taller than I remembered, but he was still so utterly the same. Too big of a grin, too crazy of hair. Too flamboyantly gay for your average deatheater.

_Where there's a Travers, a Lucius is not far away…STOP._

There was someone standing beside him. But I couldn't see the face; they were carrying a giant pink present. For me, the birthday girl. I was alarmingly hopeful.

_Could it be?_

Sure enough, Travis said to the mysterious person, "Hey Luc, have a look at who it is."

And Lucius dropped the present. I heard glass breaking and winced. I hoped it hadn't been too expensive. Though Lucius could afford it, whatever it was.

"Narcissa?" he gasped.

"umm…hello?" I said carefully.

_LUCIUS!_

Without another word, he jumped over my broken present and scooped me into his arms, swirling me around in a hug. I giggled as he set me back on my feet. I couldn't help it.

_Lucius, Lucius…STOP IT. Lucius Malfoy is an asshole._

He looked me up in down in a way only a Malfoy could get away with, "You've grown up."

I blushed and realized what I was wearing. Bellatrix had picked it out.

_I look like a slut…and he's staring at my legs…_

"It happens with time," I told him, not wanting to behave like the idiot I usually did whenever he was around me.

He laughed, but then he remembered Rabastan. He smile turned into a glare as he fixed his eyes on the poor seventeen-year-old boy.

"Why don't you go back to the party?" he asked, wand fingers twitching.

Rabastan smirked and took my hand in his, "I was a little busy out here."

There was a definite growl to his voice now, "Yes, but Narcissa has other engagements now. Run along, kiddo."

Rabastan rolled his eyes and looked at me.

I shrugged, "We'll catch up later."

He shook his head disgustedly and walked back into the party. As soon as he left, Travers burst into a fit of laughter.

"What were you doing out here with that bas—boy?" Lucius asked me, angrily.

_Yep, I'm still 12 to him. And now he's pulling the protective older brother bit. What an ass._

"Yeah, hun," Travers pulled himself together, "I thought you'd have better taste than that! Rabastan Lestrange!"

I rolled my eyes at Travers, not meriting Lucius-the-hypocrite's question with a response, "Well, there's not much of a selection. I have to marry one of those men in there, you know. And Rabastan, at least, still has all his hair."

_For now. And I'll have to purchase him some breath mints._

Lucius looked thoughtful, "You have to marry one of _those_ men, in _there_?"

_Oy. What's he playing at? He should know how this works._

"Well, yes," I told him, "Unless you know of any other wealthy pureblood males in excellent social standing who are either sick or out of town. If so, I hope he's under thirty and owns a toothbrush."

_Please, god, know someone else besides Rabastan._

Lucius grinned then, "Okay, then. I'll marry you."

…_eh? Excuse me?_

"Pardon?" I asked.

"Well, you can't find better than the Malfoys," Lucius shrugged, "Let's get hitched."

_Er—where's the punchline?_

"Very funny," I rolled my eyes.

"I'm serious." Lucius said, laughing.

_What an asshole._

I put my hands on my hips, "And why, Lucius Malfoy, would you want to marry me?"

_I thought I didn't mean anything to you. Don't remember that? I thought that you were some skirt-chasing lunatic. What? Did have a brain replacement sometime in the last four years? And why in god's name would I want to marry you?_

He shrugged, "Well, Rabastan's a…he's not a very nice person. And if your hand's being forced, it should be to someone who will at least not murder you in your sleep."

_Murder me in my sleep? What the hell?_

"So you want to marry me so that I won't marry Rabastan?" I raised my eyebrows skeptically.

"Well…yes," he said, "I want you to marry someone you like."

"So why would I want to marry you?" I asked without thinking.

He winced. Travers gaped at me, shocked.

_So they were still under that misconception, were they? Newsflash, I'm not twelve._

Lucius regained his composure, "I thought your objectives were money and status."

_Oh. Good point._

"Those would be father's wishes," I admitted, looking for a reason to tell him off again.

"But not yours?" he asked, curiously.

I rolled my eyes again, "Well, no if you must know. I don't honestly give a damn who my husband is so long as he has all his teeth and showers regularly."

"Such high standards," Travers laughed

_You have no idea._

"You don't want to marry for love?" Lucius asked.

I laughed, "Oh don't tell me you believe in love, Lucius Malfoy."

_Lucius Malfoy? Love? The only person he'll ever love is himself._

"Of course I believe in love," he said seriously, "And you should want to marry for love. I'll hear none of this talk about your hand being forced to some…miscreant. I'll have a word with your father."

"_I beg your pardon?_ Just who do you think you are?" I asked angrily, "Why on earth would you believe that you have any say as to whom I marry?"

"Because you're my Little Miss Cissy," he shrugged, "I have to look out for you."

_Little. Miss. Cissy?!_

"Well you're going to have to relieve yourself of that burden, Lucius Malfoy," I snapped, "I am not twelve years old anymore! You can't leave without a word for four years and except to still have any say in my life! You can't come prancing back here, giving orders, like I'm just going to melt like an idiot and do whatever you want! Why did you even come back? If my father thinks that I should marry a 'miscreant' then none of your business if I do or do not. So you can take your opinion and shove it up your ass."

Lucius blinked. I turned to go back into my birthday party, but he grabbed my arm. Then he pinned me to the wall, much in the same manner that Rabastan had earlier. Only Lucius Malfoy was not horny. He was pissed. He held my arms to the wall and stood a centimeter in front of me.

_He's so tall…STOP._

"Now you listen to me, Little…Miss…Cissy," he emphasized my old nickname deliberately, "You may not be twelve anymore, but I'm not seventeen either. I'm still five years older than you and, like it or not, I still care about you. So I'm talking to your father. And no amount of a hissy fit will change that. You're as good as my little sister. And no miscreant is laying a hand on you. So suck it up and deal with it." He paused, "I'm sorry I didn't write." He looked down, ashamed, but immediately looked up again, blushing. He must've gotten a good look down my dress, "There's no real excuse. But I'm not going anywhere this time. I promise. And as for you not melting like an idiot…" he leaned forward and brushed his lips softly with mine.

And I melted. Like an idiot.

_Asshole._

He let me go, looking smug. I immediately stalked back to my party and he had the nerve to call after me:

"Was I that bad?"

_Lucius Malfoy is a jerk. An asshole. He should die. Flobber worms should gnaw on his toes as he_ _decomposes…_

I found my way to Regulus. He saw the expression on my face and we found a deserted corner to talk.

"Are you alright?" he asked at once, "Was it Rabastan? I can kick his—."

"No," I rolled my eyes, "Lucius Malfoy is here."

"WHAT?" he asked, looking around for the offending person. When his eyes found him, his tone clamed, "My, he's gotten taller."

_Could you sound any more middle aged?_

"And he's become even more of an ass," I said grumpily.

"What did he do?" Regulus asked.

"He asked me to marry him. And then he kissed me," I growled unhappily.

Regulus looked alarmed, "Did you say yes?"

"Of course not," I rolled my eyes, "I'm not that masochistic."

He chuckled, "Well, then. Why'd he kiss you?"

"Just being an ass," I shrugged, "You know him."

"Yes," he said, "But I've always liked him."

_Stupid male quidditch bonding._

"School can't start soon enough," I muttered darkly.

He laughed, "I know. We've only got a few more days though." He paused, "He's heading this way…"

_Can't even give me five minutes with my Regulus. What a…_

"I'm going to hide out in the bathroom. Then maybe the kitchen," I told him, plotting my escape, "Meet up with me later."

"What should I tell your admirers?" Regulus asked, "Because Lucius and Rabastan are both staring at you."

I laughed, "Tell them that I've gone to hell and hand out complimentary daggers to those who wish to join me there."

"If you insist," he said mock-seriously as I scampered out of the ballroom once more.

_**A/N: If you couldn't tell, it's in Remus's POV at the beginning and Narcissa's POV through most of it. That's how it's going to be. And it's never really going to be an even split. Some chapters may have more Remus, some more Narcissa. They just have to fit the time period. So no worries, Remus will get his share of storytime.**_

_**Review please!**_

_**Love, Listerine.**_


	2. Guilt or breakfast

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my solitary reviewer. You're amazing. Thank you.**

The train smelt weird.

_Of course it does, there is a plethora of deodorant-challenged teenagers all crammed together in a metal box. In what alternate dimension would it not stink?_

I had an odd feeling somewhere in my stomach. It might have been guilt.

_It might have been breakfast._

Regulus sat next to me, brooding over our encounter with Sirius.

I_f you could even call it that…_

He had ignored us. Though we had waved. And shouted his name. And acted like lunatics. Sirius had just turned to his friends as if we didn't exist.

_Ass._

3

Narcissa Black.

_Or Legs, if you'd prefer._

When I was twelve, I thought she was an angel. Sirius dutifully informed me of the truth as soon as I had made those assertions known. She has the face of angel, but the heart of an ice cube.

I've always wanted to melt that heart.

Don't tell Sirius.

_I must have an affinity for Blacks…STOP._

Still, it had broken my much too mushy heart to see her face after Sirius had ignored her and Regulus at the platform. She had looked so disconsolate.

_Almost as if she had a normal, room-temperature heart._

Now, in the prefect's compartment, her face was stoic. Once more. It was Regulus who looked like shit. But I've never had much concern about Regulus Black.

_Though he does look like Sirius. Siri—STOP._

The head boy asked for our attention before announcing something horrid.

_He'll be getting a niffler in his bed tonight._

The professors were concerned. About interhouse relations.

_But what about intrahouse relations? Those are so much easier…_

We would all be assigned new patrols partners.

_Three guesses who I got._

Narcissa Black.

3

Remus Lupin.

_That annoying sidekick of the asshole named Sirius._

I had known Lupin since my first year. But it wasn't as if we were acquaintances or something like that. He's a Lupin for god's sake. Remus Lupin

_Lived to annoy me._

Had a rather…irritating habit of opening doors for me. And being nice to me. And other odd things like that. He's been known to offer me help on my transfiguration homework and to pick up my books when I drop them.

_It's idiotic Gryffindor chivalry, that's what it is._

And now he was my patrols partner.

_Joy._

Regulus and I had already conspired about putting a niffler in the head boy's room that night. We were supposed to be patrol partners.

_That was the only appeal of being prefects together, after all._

I caught Lupin staring at me. I glared at him.

_Stupid fucking Gryffindor. Go be chums with Sirius. I don't care. Just leave me and Reg alone._

He looked surprised at my hostility.

_Ha, I'm your worst nightmare, Gryffindork._

And then it was time to patrol. He opened the door of the compartment for me. I accidentally shut it on him.

_Oh, silly me._

3

It was the most awkward patrol ever. But I still couldn't help but to feel lucky, she was Narcissa Black, after all.

_The silent, mysterious ice cube. Wait. Aren't all ice cubes silent?_

I tried to start conversation. I inquired after her holiday. She blinked at me.

I blinked back, just for kicks.

_Take that, ice cube!_

Then, I made a mistake, or an act of fate.

_Whatever it was, it got her to talk._

"Sirius mentioned you had a birthday," I commented casually, "So happy birthday."

She started to blink, but as I saw the words process behind her eyes, she stiffened.

"He mentioned my birthday?" her tone was cold.

_Oh, shit._

"Just in passing," I stammered.

_Shit, shit, shit._

She stopped walking and demanded, "What compartment is he in?"

I just stared at her.

_What is her problem?_

"Which compartment?" she asked again, tapping her foot impatiently.

_I hope Sirius will forgive me…_

3

As Lupin led me down the aisle to Sirius's compartment, I fumed. Silently.

_It's none of Lupin's business. Just like my birthday was none of Lupin's business…_

When we arrived, Lupin turned to me. His eyes pleaded for me not to cause a scene. He thought I was being petty.

_I'll show you petty._

I straightened my back and slid open the door. Sirius, Potter, and some other kid all looked up from a game of gobstones.

_Awkward to play on trains, but that makes it more interesting._

Sirius did not look happy to see me.

_I wasn't too thrilled to see him either…_

"Moony, what'd you drag in here?" Potter wrinkled his nose at me.

_Moony? That's more than a bit awkward. How did he come by that nickname? It sounds a highly amusing and inappropriate story._

"Shut it, Glasses," I told him before turning to Sirius.

_The asshole._

"If you can't remove your head from your ass to say hello to Regulus and I when we're practically screaming at you, it should be wedged enough in there not to be talking about me to your little friends either," I said loudly, "I don't care what all you said, but if we don't exist in person, we don't exist at all, Sirius."

I shoved past Lupin and left.

3

I watched Narcissa leave and felt an odd feeling somewhere in my stomach. It might have been guilt.

It might have been breakfast.

"What did you tell her?" Sirius rounded on me in disbelief.

_Don't be mad, Sirius. _

"I wished her a happy birthday," I shrugged, "So shoot me."

_How was I supposed to know she'd explode? Ice cubes generally don't do that!_

"Shoot me?" Sirius wrinkled his nose, "What the hell does that mean?"  
_Gotta love purebloods. Gotta love Sir—STOP._

"Muggle expression," I explained, flopping onto the seat, "The wizard equivalent would be something like 'avada-kedavra me' or something like that."

"Why would you want that?" Sirius took the seat beside me.

_His leg is touching—behave yourself, Remus._

"Just forget it, Sirius," I rolled my eyes, "It's not important."

**A/N: Don't forget to review!**


	3. Love and Pranks

Severus Snape loved Lily Evans.

_Poor little half-blood._

He was trying not to think about her. Like I was trying not to think about Lucius.

_Stupid, arrogant, presumptuous…STOP._

So we had bonded through the years. I, of course, had gotten over my unrequited love. He, however, had gotten more obsessed.

_Of course, if I ever allowed myself to finish a thought, one might peg me as obsessed too._

_Shut up._

It was the first day back from break. We were taking a walk at break, Severus and I. He was mooning over Lily. Again.

I stopped paying attention and he finally asked about my holidays.

"Alright," I told him, "We had a ball for my birthday."

He waited for something more and when I didn't answer, he supplied the rest, "And Lucius is back in town."

_Damn you and your greasy hair too._

"Yes, he is," I shrugged.

"And you can't stop thinking about him," he guessed.

Sometimes Severus just needs to drag people down to comfort himself that he's not the only hurting soul in existence. He's such a jerk.

"Actually I wasn't thinking about him," I sniffed, "And he's such an egomaniac that I don't understand how anyone could waste their conscious attention on him."

_You're obviously forgetting his smile and his—STOP._

He rolled his eyes, "Rabastan told me that Lucius talked to your father. And you're not on the market anymore."

_Don't remind me._

"I hate that phrase, 'on the market.' What am I, a piece of meat?" I asked off-handedly.

"Yes, a walking, talking, rather delicious piece of meat," he smirked, "Now, will you care to elaborate on what happened or shall I continue listing the gossip?"

_You're such an ass. You know I don't want to talk about it._

"What other gossip?" I asked curiously.

"Some say you're engaged," he remarked, "Though I don't see a ring and I doubt Lucius would let his future wife walk around with a bare finger. He's pretty territorial."

_Tell me about it._

"We're not engaged," I told him, "He just didn't like the idea of me being married off. He still sees me as a little twelve year old."

"I heard he asked you and you said no," he accused.

_!!_

"And who told you that?" I asked, slightly shocked.

"Lucius," he smirked.

_What the hell? Why would Lucius Malfoy admit to asking little Miss Cissy to marry him? Maybe he did get a brain transplant…_

I tried to form a response, but couldn't. Lucius and Severus were good friends, but I never imagined that they would discuss me.

_What did Severus say about me to Lucius? Did he tell him—STOP._

Severus laughed at me, "Lucius was pretty damn curious about what happened to the 'sweet, innocent' Narcissa he knew."

"Who says I'm not still sweet and innocent?" I asked in my best impression of sweetness and innocence.

"He also says that you became—and this is a direct quote, darling—quite an eyeful," he said, enjoying in my emotional battle.

_He…he…wait. Is that good? Or bad?_

"I don't really want to hear about your and Lucius's beauty parlor conversations," I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, because you're still in love with him," Severus said at once.

_Asshole._

* * *

On the way to the common room, Sirius, James and I heard a voice. A loud, angry voice.

_Is Legs ever happy?_

We stopped around the corner and eavesdropped. Because she was talking, well fighting, rather, with Severus Snape. And the words were too ridiculous to compute.

"Don't say that word!" she demanded loudly, "I don't want hear the word 'love' ever cross your lips again in that context!"

_Why the hell are Legs and Snivelly arguing about love? Did Snivelly tell Legs that he _loved_ her? That's ridiculous._

"Darling," his voice was unnaturally soft—we had to stop breathing to hear, "Running away won't help. The feeling's still there."

_Severus Snape loves Narcissa Black. Teeheehee._

The three of us exchanges glances. All of our expressions said exactly the same thing: Snape didn't have a chance in heaven, let alone hell or reality.

"How can I continue talking to with you under that ridiculous notion?" she asked, "It changes everything!"

_This is too good to be._

"You're saying you're not in love?" he asked incredulously, "Your actions say otherwise, darling."

_Legs was leading him on?_

"I don't have to listen to this!" she decided and stormed around the corner and directly into James, losing her balance. He caught her instinctively.

_Oh, shit._

She didn't seem to realize that we'd been eavesdropping, she just looked up from his arms and said, "Oh god, it's you."

She straightened up as James assured her the feeling was mutual.

"Thanks anyway, Glasses," she said stiffly.

"No problem, Legs!" he called after her as she continued down the hallway.

_That went well._

* * *

Regulus was sitting in the common room with homework that he was supposed to have done over the break. I sat next to him and watched him write for a minute until he turned to me.

"What's on your mind?" he asked.

_Way too much._

"I'm having a bad week," I said honestly, "I keep exploding. First Lucius, then Sirius, then Sev…I figured I should apologize in advance for you."

"What'd I do?" he looked alarmed.

"Nothing," I shrugged, "But just in case, sorry I'm having a bitchy week. Though some, like Sirius or his friend with the glasses, would argue that this is my normal personality."

_I hope to dear god it's not._

He chuckled, "I suppose you have been having a lot of temper slips this week, but you're human. And that automatically rules out the theory that you're a bitch."

_I dunno. I've known some pretty bitchy humans._

"Thanks Reg," I told him.

_Love you, best bud._

* * *

We were sitting in the common room. In the good chairs. By the fire. James had the chair across from me and Sirius was sitting against my legs. Peter was on the floor next to Sirius.

_Sirius is touching me…Stop._

"I have the perfect idea," James announced.

We all turned to him, eager for a prank to start the semester.

"We should use our new found knowledge to prank Snape," James continued.

"What? That he's gone for Legs?" Peter asked. We had filled him in as soon as we saw him.

_Yes, but who isn't gone for Legs?_

"Yeah," James nodded, "It'd be the best prank, because no one could even say it was a prank."

"What are you proposing?" I asked cautiously.

"I say one us gets Legs to say that she loves us in front of Snape. And mean it," he said.

_Wow. That's cold._

"Who?" Peter asked hopefully.

_Peter, I sincerely doubt that Legs even knows your name_.

"Well…" James paused, "Obviously not Sirius."

"Obviously," the other three of us chimed.

"That'd take a miracle, anyway," Sirius snorted, "If you noticed, she's not overly fond of me these days."

_Poor Sirius. He doesn't deserve that family._

I clapped him on the shoulder, "Sorry 'bout that."

"Already forgiven," he smiled up at me.

_A perfect, heavenly smile and lips—STOP._

"I think maybe Remus should do it," James said, looking at me hopefully, "You have patrols with her anyway."

"But what do we do with the lovesick Legs after the prank is over?" I asked carefully.

"Dump her, obviously," James said, "Who'd want to be attached to her for longer than they had to?"

_I'm not sure I'd mind…_

"No," I said definitively, "I couldn't do it, Prongs. It's just…not something I have the stomach for. She's a human too."

James snorted, "Sure she is. I don't think Legs is capable of _human_ emotion."

"Then why don't you do it?" I asked, rolling my eyes, "If you think you can treat Legs deserves to be treated like that…"

_Like anyone could purposely do that to another human being._

"Ok then, I will," he said.

_Allow me to retract the previous statement._

Sirius broke into the conversation then, "Kudos to your plan and your bravery, James. But Narcissa is very attached to one Lucius Malfoy. She isn't looking for a boy toy to fall in love with. She's not going to even go out with you."

"Then why was she fooling around with Snape?" James countered, "If she's so in love with Malfoy."

Sirius shrugged, "It doesn't make sense at all. But trust me, Narcissa will not give you the time of day."

_Tell me about it._

"There isn't a girl out there that would snog Snape that wouldn't prefer to snog me," James said definitively, "I'll get her to say yes."

_He does have a point. If she's that desperate, to play around with Snivelly…_

"Have fun with that, James," Sirius rolled his eyes, "If it works, then I guess I'm wrong." He turned his eyes back to me, "Want to play a game of Exploding Snap before bed?"

"Always do," I said at once.

_Sirius…_


	4. Candid Camera

**A/N: This is very short, but…I haven't gotten any reviews for the last chapter and not to sound whiny, but if I'm just posting this to empty space, there's no real point, so…**

I had a breakfast from hell. I was attacked by a Gryffindor. I'm not sure of his motivations, but, entering the Great Hall, I was greeted with an unwelcome proposition.

"Will you go out with me?"

"Pardon?" I asked.

_I must be dreaming. No, that sounds too pleasant. I must be nightmaring…_

"Do you, uh, want to go on a date with me?" James Potter asked me. Much too seriously.

"Is this a trick question?" I blinked.

_He cannot be serious. This is just too random and too weird.  
_  
"What?" he asked, obviously confused.

"Well, Regulus and I were watching muggle tv once and I saw this show called 'Candid Camera.' It seems like that," I said, biting my lip and hoping that I was right.

_Why the hell would Potter want to go out with me?_

"You're not on candid camera," he said slowly.

_Crap. I wanted to be on candid camera._

"Oh. Well then, why?" I asked, waiting for the punchline.

"Because I like you," he smiled at me.

_Oh good god._

"There's something wrong with you. I'd see a therapist," I told him at once.

"What makes you say that? You're an extremely likable person," he said, all charm and no hesitance.

"Oh, I know that. But you seem to think there's a chance I'd say yes."

* * *

I sat at the breakfast table. Watching James ask out Legs.

_And it's going so well._

Her face is confused and slightly disbelieving. But as he leaves, she's cheerful. She prances over to the Slytherin table and sits next to Regulus Black, all smiles.

_Did she say yes?_

"Legs is a bitch."

_I guess not._

"Is this news to anyone but you?" Sirius asked James through a bite of cereal.

"I just asked her out. And she told me to seek psychological help," James huffed while he poured his own bowl of breakfast.

"Huh. I never pegged her for low self-esteem," Sirius said thoughtfully.

_Hmmm, me either._

"That wasn't the problem. Ugh. Padfoot, what am I going to do?" James asked, "How did Snape get a date with that…ugh!"

"I told you this prank is never going to work," Sirius said matter-of-factly.

"Please? I need your help. You have inside knowledge," James begged

"And I told you. Narcissa is taken. By Lucius Malfoy. There's no way in hell," Sirius said unconcernedly.

"But she was dating Snape. I have to be better than Snape!" James pleaded.

"Point taken. If Legs will snog that slimeball, why won't she snog you?" Sirius mused.

"Exactly."

"Maybe Moony could put in a good word…" Sirius suggested, looking at me, "She is forced to endure his company once daily."

"I heard that! No way in hell," I said at once. I wasn't going to help on this prank. It was too cruel.

"Please, Moony? I'm begging you…this was going to be the best Snape torture ever…" James said, making puppy dog eyes.

"I'll buy you chocolate frogs," Sirius grinned at me.

_Maybe for chocolate…yum…And besides, who can say no to that face?_

"Deal. I'll talk to her, but I really don't think she's going to care what I say," I said.

**A/N: If you want to read more in this story, please do review. Because otherwise, this might be it. **


	5. Weather, lessons, and normal things

Patrols.

_Kill me. Please. Just kill me now._

* * *

Patrols.

_I don't want to go. I'd rather drop dead on the spot._

* * *

I was going to apologize to Remus Lupin.

_To prove to myself that I wasn't a heartless bitch._

I felt bad that I had ruined our first patrol together. Not that patrols were supposed to be enjoyable, but I shouldn't have been causing drama with his friends.

_If Sirius could be a friend to anyone but himself._

I had mentally rehearsed it several times, but in person, it was harder to get the words out. It felt unnatural to be apologizing to one of Sirius's friends.

"Remus," his first name sounds foreign on my tongue.

"Yes?" he answers at once, looking at me cautiously.

"I'm sorry I was such a headcase on the train," I said very slowly, "And thank you for wishing me happy birthday. I hope I didn't cause you any unnecessary tension with Sirius."

_There. It's over and done with. I am a human being once more._

* * *

_Unnecessary tension with Sirius? Now there's something my subconscious supplies all on its own._

"Apology accepted," I told her easily. I'm not one to hold grudges, "And Sirius would never get mad at me for something like that."

_There are other things though…like thinking about him that he could easily get mad at me for._

She shrugged, "Okay then. Let's start over." She stopped walking and so did I. She held out her hand and said, "I'm Narcissa Black. And you are?"

I shook her hand, feeling slightly ridiculous, "Remus Lupin."

"Pleased to meet you, Remus," she smiled.

_God, she's like Sirius more than either of them would ever admit._

"Nice to meet you too, Narcissa," I grinned back at her.

* * *

Patrols were going surprisingly well. Lup—Remus and I discussed the weather at first.

* * *

Conversation was stiff at first. We actually talked about the _weather._

* * *

But then we moved onto lessons

* * *

And then _school _and _homework._

* * *

And finally, we just talked about normal things. Like life. And odd anecdotes about getting lost as first years.

* * *

But then conversation slowly became more natural as we got used to each other. She wasn't as bad as Sirius made her out to be.

* * *

He wasn't as inhuman as I thought he would be, being friends with Sirius.

* * *

I thought about asking her why she turned down James earlier that day. But then I couldn't. It just didn't seem right.

* * *

It surprised me that by the end of the night, I was considering Remus Lupin a friend.

* * *

As we parted ways, I was sorry to see her go.

* * *

I walked into the common room with a relaxed smile on my face. Regulus bounded over to me immediately.

"So the apology went well, then?" he asked, linking arms with me and steering me in the direction of his dorm.

"I think so," I said, "Patrols weren't torture, after all."

_In fact, they were rather enjoyable._

"Well, that's good," he said, "But you'd still prefer me right?"

"Of course," I laughed, "Why would I ever prefer him to you?"

"Just checking," Regulus laughed too. We entered his dorm and found our way over to his bed. I sat and hugged his pillow while I talked, like so many times before. Regulus sprawled across the foot of the bed, head on my legs.

"He's not so bad, ya know?" I mused, "I actually might not hate him."

_I actually might like him._

"Not hate is always a good place to start," Regulus said, "Is there boyfriend potential?"

I shook my head, "I don't know. I don't really want a boyfriend right now. I still can't believe Glasses asked me out."

"I know," Regulus said at once, "It was so random. Do you think he honestly meant it?"

"No," I didn't hesitate, "He's just being a jerk in some twisted way that we can't fathom."

"You're so cynical, 'cissa," he mumured.

"Am not."

"Are too."

* * *

As I arrived back in my dormitory, I found Sirius on my bed.

_Sirius. On. My. Bed._

"Hullo, Moony," he said upon seeing me, "I'm terribly bored and lonesome without you. Shall we play some cards and not do our homework together?"

_Sounds wonderful._

"How about we do our homework while I interrogate you about your cousin?" I sat on the edge of my bed, carefully not touching him.

"Not at fun," Sirius wrinkled his nose, "But what do you want to know?"

_Everything._

"Just some general things. For conversations starters," I shrugged, "Like who's her best friend and what's her favorite book?"

"Regulus," Sirius answered at once, "The pair of them are freaks. They can read each other's minds. They're unnaturally close. He'll be the first one Lucius Malfoy kills off after their wedding."

_Shit. That's cold._

Sirius burst out laughing at my face, "I'm kidding. Malfoy isn't that bad. He's just an asshole. But he used to throw the best parties."

"Oh yeah?" I asked, "Were you and Malfoy chums then?"

_I'm not jealous._

"I guess," Sirius said, "We were good enough friends that he probably wouldn't mind if we crashed his party this weekend. Are you game for it?"

_Go to a party with Sirius? I'm always up for that._

"Sure," I said, "I haven't got anything better to do."

"And besides," Sirius said, "James can see exactly how hopeless his prank idea is. Once he sees Narcissa around Lucius, it'll be out of his mind to try to get her attention."

* * *

"So, you got some mail," Regulus said with an audible gulp.

He handed me an envelope. I immediately recognized the handwriting.

_Lucius sent me a letter. What is he playing at?_

I tore the envelope open without regard to its welfare. The letter wasn't long, but it still made me seethe.

**Dearest Cissy,**

**I hope your anger with me passes quickly enough for you attend a social gathering at my house this weekend. Bring Regulus, of course. I wish I could tell you that I was sorry for my actions, but I am, quite simply, not. Some day you just might thank me. I realize that you're stuck at school, but with enough motivation, I'm sure you two can manage to get away. Please don't let Travers and me suffer the company of Bellatrix without your pretty face to ease our sorrow. I look forward to seeing you both.**

**Yours,**

**Lucius**

_Pretty face?! Well, he's definitely still a skirt-chasing lunatic._

_Thank him?! Never!_

"Let's not go," I suggested.

"If that's what you want," Regulus chuckled.

We were silent for a minute.

"It would be nice to get away from school," I pointed out.

"Then let's go," he laughed.

_**A/N: Don't forget to review!**_


	6. Confessions, Explosions

**_A/N: I had more reviews than chapters so I figured that I better update before I thought that I was popular or something. Thank you to my two reviewers. Here's chapter six, just for you._**

"Did you ask her?"

_Leave me alone._

"No."

"What?" James looked shocked, "Why not?"

_I don't like the idea of this prank._

"It didn't come up," I shrugged.

"Well, naturally," James shook his head, "But you were supposed to bring it up."

Sirius shot me a sideways glance from where he sat, doing an essay for Transfiguration. I rolled my eyes at him and he grinned.

"Besides, she has to be able to stand my existence in order for her to value my opinion—even minutely," I pointed out, "And I think she might like me. A bit."

"So you should ask her out then," James decided.

_What?_

"No," I said firmly, "It's your prank. You do the dirty work."

James rolled his eyes, "Will you at least ask her tonight?"

Sirius shot me another sideways glance, eyes curious.

I looked at him while I answered, "I will."

* * *

"Maybe we shouldn't go, tomorrow," I gulped.

_I don't want to see that jerk…_

"We don't have to go," Regulus agreed, "What would you rather do instead?"

_Eat nails, hug muggles, seduce a house elf…the real question is what wouldn't I rather do than go to Malfoy Manor._

"Whatever," I shrugged, "We could hang out in the library. Like every other Saturday. There's nothing wrong with the library."

"The library it is," he agreed.

"But we're always at the library," I said suddenly, "It would be nice to do something different."

"'Cissa," Regulus sighed, "If you want to go to Lucius's party, I'm not going to tease you about it. And I'll pretend I dragged you there. But for the love of Merlin, would you please just say so?"

_Damn you, Regulus. Seeing through my neuroticness._

"Fine," I rolled my eyes, "I want to go to Lucius's party. But it isn't because I want to see Lucius."

"If you say so," he laughed.

* * *

Patrols were strange at first. She didn't seem to know how to act around me.

_And, Merlin knows I didn't know how to behave around her._

We walked in an awkward silence. Until she tripped over a fold in the carpet and fell flat on her face.

* * *

_Crap. He must think me a retard now._

I laughed nervously as Remus Lupin helped me to my feet.

"I'm so graceful," I said sarcastically, trying my best not to be embarrassed. It wasn't working.

He laughed too, "The gracefulest."

There was another awkward pause.

_I wish he would say something. Say anything. Just get rid of this awkwardness._

"Narcissa?" he said carefully.

"Yes?" I asked, hopeful for some sort of conversation.

"Why did you say no when James asked you for a date?" he asked.

_Anything but that._

* * *

"Do you really have to ask?" she moaned with exaggerated sorrow.

_Does she really hate us that much?_

"Yes, I'm sorry. But he really…likes you. He thinks he misjudged you before," I lied through my teeth.

"All Potter sees when he looks at me are my legs. He's no better than Rabastan," she said immediately.

_She does have a point._

"He has better breath," I tried.

"Oh, have you kissed Potter recently?" she asked at once.

"No."

* * *

Pink vandalized his face and I stole the chance to change the conversation topic.

"Are you blushing, Remus Lupin?" I asked.

"No…"

_Liar.  
_  
I continued to pry, "Do you like Potter or something?"

_I suppose he's not terribly bad-looking. If he'd brush his hair and get some better frames for his glasses…oh, and a personality transplant of course._

"No, I don't like James like you're insinuating," his blush was fiery red.

"It's alright if you're gay. You know that right?" I asked seriously, wondering if I had teased him about the wrong thing.

"No. I don't know that," he mumbled.

_What do they _do_ to those Gryffindors in that tower?_

"My friend Travis is gay. And no one really cares. It'd be okay if you told me you were," I said matter-of-factly.

"How do you know if you are?" he asked quietly.

_Why am I explaining sexuality to Remus Lupin? This just seems too odd to be reality…_

"I'm not sure. I think it's just like how do you know if you like anyone," I shrugged.

"I think I like a guy," Remus said slowly.

_Oooh. I want to know. Anything to distract me from Luc—STOP_.

"Cool. Who? Hopefully not Potter." I teased.

"No, not James. And I, uh…you'd laugh," his blush returned.

* * *

"Is it Sirius?"

_Why is that her first guess? Why does she have to be right? Why am I even telling her this? I don't even know if I _am_ gay! I'm certainly attracted to Sirius, but I'm also all hormonal for _her._ At least, physically. Maybe I'm bi…_

"It is!" she smiled.

"Don't look so happy," I pleaded.

_It's bad enough without you laughing at me too…_

"But we'd be related!" she said.

"I'm not sure Sirius would agree with that statement," I pointed out, "And you cannot tell him."

"Like I talk to him anyway," she shrugged, before musing, "He does seem rather straight, doesn't he?"

"Sadly so," I agreed.

* * *

"Nonetheless, we shall persevere. So, what have you done so far to snatch him?" I asked.

_Yes, some romance drama that isn't mine. I could lose myself in this, like a good book…  
_  
"Um..nothing," he blushed.

"What? You can't just sit there and wait for him to fall into your lap. This is Sirius we're talking about. You have to be aggressive. Put on a short skir—wait. No. That won't work," I stopped, thinking about what he could do.

He laughed at my puzzled expression.

"We'll figure something out," I decided.

_Remus Lupin was my new project, my new distraction from Lucius…_

* * *

We walked into the party and I wondered why Sirius had been so set on crashing.

_It's just a bunch of purebloods who hate us._

He looked so happy to be here though. Admittedly, the band was playing a good song and no deatheater had killed us yet.

_Could he really be this homesick?_

Lucius Malfoy appeared in front of us instantly. He clapped Sirius on the shoulder and demanded, "Sirius, where have you been?"

_Ha, this'll be fun._

"I moved out," Sirius said without hesitation or reluctance, "Came into an inheritance that good ol' mum couldn't take away from me."

"Woah," Malfoy looked stunned, "Good for you. Though that does explain why you're not on that tree anymore. I wasn't sure what a burn mark meant. I thought maybe death…"

_Didn't the lack of mourning tip him off?_

"So who'd you bring with you?" Malfoy turned to James, Peter, and me curiously.

Sirius beamed as he pointed to each of us, "James Potter, Peter Pettigrew, and Remus Lupin. My new family."

_If I'm part of Sirius's family, would my involuntary day-dreams be a form of incest?_

"Well," Luciius shook each of our hands, "Nice to meet you all, but I've just spotted Miss Cissy and she seems to still be angry with me."

_Miss Cissy? Ha, that's too good._

Sirius snorted, "What'd you do, Lucius?"

He shrugged, "I might have interfered in her love life. I told her she couldn't marry a Lestrange."

_Wait. Rabastan and Narcissa married? But he's so…unhygienic_

Sirius looked rather shocked, "Well I should think not!"

"Exactly," Lucius looked gratified.

"Why was she even under the impression that she was going to marry one of them?" Sirius asked, too curious.

_Homesick? Maybe not. Maybe he just wanted the gossip._

"Your uncle and Bellatrix," Lucius rolled his eyes, "But I've taken care of it—for now." He was beginning to inch in the direction of Narcissa, "I'll catch up with you later…"

Sirius laughed, "Good luck…"

_Such a good laugh…_

Sirius turned back to us and linked his arm with mine—_BEHAVE, REMUS—_and said with a smile, "C'mon, the Malfoys have the best food."

* * *

Travers had found us as soon as we entered Malfoy Manor. He immediately dragged us to a table in the corner, calling it "the sanctuary of the uncoordinated." Travers and Regulus immediately began to discuss politics. I half-listened.

_And half-watched Lucius talk to Sirius from the corner of my eye._

It wasn't until I noticed Lucius heading directly towards us that I joined their conversation.

_I am a normal human being. Not a hormone driven lunatic. Though sometimes I think those terms are synonymous._

He sat next to me as soon as he reached us, "You came."

"I decided that it might be a bit cooler than the library," I shrugged.

"I'm flattered," he grinned, "The library is steep competition."

Regulus shot me a sideways glance as he said hello to Lucius. I crossed my eyes at him. He just smirked and continued his conversation with Travers.

_It's perfectly alright for me to have a normal conversation with Lucius. It doesn't mean that I still like him. It doesn't. And if he happens to kiss me again, that doesn't change a thing._

After a few more minutes of playful banter, Lucius said seriously, "I think I might have a solution to your nuptial problems."

I groaned, "Does it involve marrying you?"

He laughed, "Not this time."

_Well, that's a plus then._

Lucius continued, "Travis"—Travers's first name was Travis, Travis Travers. His parents were cruel—"is in the same sort of situation. His parents want him to find a wife. They don't seem to respect the fact that Travis would rather have a husband."

"Tell me about it," Travers laughed as he and Regulus joined our conversation. Regulus was looking at me cautiously.

_Great. He must see something in Lucius's thoughts that I am not going to like._

"You should marry Travis," Lucius said decisively, "You know that he's gay and so you won't be offended when he fills his—eh, needs elsewhere. He's well off. The Travers are a very respectable family. And he'll treat you wonderfully. Or I'll kill him."

Travers was nodding.

Regulus was shaking his head and supressing laughter. Probably because he could tell exactly what I was thinking, even before it exploded from my mouth.

"Lucius Malfoy, you want me to die a virgin!" I half-shouted, accumulating quite a few stares.

_He wants me to marry his gay best friend….he wants me to…_

"Muggles do it!" he protested, surprised at my vehemence—_did he honestly expect me to like this plan?—_"They have these people called nuns and they're perfectly respectable!"

I was starting to shake with anger. I stood up. Lucius did too and when I started to walk away, he followed.

"Where are you going?" he asked, exasperated.

"I'm going to find a boy to screw," I told him angrily, "Since I'm going to be celibate in the future."

He grabbed my arm, stopping my progress, "You're being ridiculous."

_Ridiculous?!_

I stared at him coldly, "Let. Go. Of. Me."

He sighed and released my arm. I stalked off, finding the boy that I had seen earlier this evening.

As I approached him, all I could think about was how angry I was at Lucius.

_How could he even begin to think that I'd be okay with that? Did he really intend to keep me away from the big, bad world of men forever?_

He looked shocked to see me, but pleased.

"Is it too late to change my mind about that date?" I asked.

"Of course not," Potter smiled, "Would you like to dance?"

He gestured to the dance floor.

"I'd love to," I said, a lie of course.

And so I let Potter take my hand and lead me out among the other dancers. I didn't stop him as he put his hands around my waist and pulled me closer to him. And I didn't even notice Lucius's worried stare. Really, I didn't.

**_A/N: Don't forget to review!_**


	7. Temptations

**_A/N: Thank you to my reviewers. You two really make my day, feeding my ego and whatnot..._**

His hands were warm and I wondered if he was nervous.

Then, I realized that that wasn't the something I should be wondering about.

"Um," my voice faltered. I wasn't sure how to phrase the question without sounding like an asshole.

"Yes?" he asked, tightening his grip on my waist slightly.

I mumbled, embarrassed, "What's your first name?"

He burst out laughing, shaking us both.

"You really don't know?" he asked, obviously amused.

"No," I blushed, ducking my head to hide my face, "But I figured it wasn't Glasses."

"No, it's not," he said, still chuckling.

_Complete and utter mortification. Why am I doing this again? There must be a better way to act out without putting myself at the mercy of such a jerk..._

Surprisingly, he cupped my cheek in his hand--callused from quidditch--and tilted my face up so I couldn't avoid meeting his eyes.

"It's James," he said softly, "My name is James."

I smiled, feeling a lot less idiotic, "James."

* * *

Nothing had surprised either me or Sirius more than when Narcissa had asked James if he still wanted to take her on a date. As soon as the two disappeared onto the dance floor, we turned to each other.

"There is no way," Sirius said, "I must be high or drunk or something."

I shook my head, "I think we're both lucid."

"Well, c'mon then," Sirius grabbed my hand and tugged me to my feet, "We've got to figure this out."

I laughed as he tugged me across the room and shielded off improper thoughts about my best friend. It was a platonic touch. Nothing more.

_I wish it were more._

"Lucius," Sirius greeted our destination.

The man in question was staring grumpily at a pretty blonde on the dance floor. Dancing with James.

"Who'd you say your friend was?" Lucius asked by way of a greeting.

"You're not going to have him killed, are you?" Sirius asked, only semi-sarcastically.

"I'm considering it," Lucius sighed.

"Is all this really because you talked to my uncle?" Sirius looked skeptical.

Lucius finally tore his eyes from her to look at us, "Well, actually, it's a different dimension of the same argument. I, er, suggested that she marry Travis Travers."

Sirius guffawed, "But, Lucius, Travis is gay."

_He wanted her to marry someone who would never be attracted to her?_

"I realize that," he huffed, "But, it's not as if she's looking for love."

"Yeah, because she's already in love," Sirius said at once, speaking to Lucius as though he were an idiot.

He stiffened, "With whom?"

_Someone's jealous._

"You," Sirius laughed, "Or are you really that stupid? She used to practically worship you."

Lucius rolled his eyes, "That was a long time ago. She's grown up since then, as she told me when she rejected my proposal."

_He proposed? And she said no?_

Sirius snorted, "Feelings like that just don't dissipate over time."

Lucius sighed and then turned to me, "What do you think?" he demanded, "Is the reason Narcissa is so upset that she still likes me?"

_How am I supposed to know?!_

"Well," I said slowly, "I think to determine the answer to that question, you need to know the reason that she turned down your proposal. Did she elaborate?"

"Not particularly," he admitted, "And I doubt she'll tell me. She seems rather upset when I'm around."

There was a pause in which Lucius restarted his staring at Narcissa.

"Is he at least a nice guy?" Lucius asked after a minute.

"He's one of my best friends," Sirius said to the ground.

"He's not going to hurt her, is he?" Lucius asked, biting his lip.

Sirius sent me a panicked glance. And so I lied for him.

"James wouldn't hurt a fly," guilt twisted my stomach.

_But she isn't a fly to him. She's a pair of legs._

And Sirius grabbed my hand again and yanked us out of there.

"We need to stop this prank," he said as soon as we were out of earshot.

"Easier said than done," I pointed out. James and Narcissa were still dancing together. They looked rather happy. Too happy.

_Guilt Massive guilt. We are horrible people._

"If James dumps her and breaks her heart, like he's planning to, Lucius Malfoy will rip his intestines out of his nose," Sirius said somberly.

"You're exaggerating," I rolled my eyes.

He shook his head, "The Malfoys are viscious. And Lucius is very--eh, protective of his belongings. And he considers 'Cissa one of them. Because she really did used to love him. And, she was his. And he's not about to let that go just because she's angry with him. If James breaks his buddy, he's toast."

"So what do we do?" I asked.

* * *

Regulus cut in after our third song of dancing together. Potter--James looked a bit put out, but left us. Regulus slipped his hand around my waist and took my hand in his other one. We began to swivel in a small circle.

"So, you're ditching us for Potter of all people?" he asked.

"Yes," I said simply.

"Why him?" Regulus asked, "I thought you couldn't stand him."

"Which makes him a pleasant distraction from Lucius and his plans for my future," my annoyance leaked through my composure.

"It was an awful plan," he grimaced.

"I would've had to see him all the time," I agreed, "And be married to his best friend."

Regulus laughed, "I knew it wasn't about the sex."

"Of course not," I said at once, "If Lucius wasn't in the picture, I'd be thrilled to marry Travers. Lucius and I just have too much...history."

He snorted, "That's one way of putting it."

We continued to swivel until the song ended and Travers appeared beside us. He asked me to dance and Regulus handed me to him with no arguement.

"So you don't want to get married then?" he grinned at me.

I hung my head, "Sorry, Travis."

"Don't feel guilty," he said at once, "It was not my idea--no offense meant, dear. But it was just Lucius's hair-brained scheme."

"He should just not interfere," I suggested.

"I'm not sure he's capable," Travers shrugged, "He cares too much about you."

_Yeah, sure he does_.

Speak of the devil, Lucius appeared at Travers' shoulder.

"May I?" he asked.

And Travers handed me to the devil with only an apologetic shrug.

I sighed, "Hello again, Lucius."

"Don't sound so miserable, 'Cissy," he said, "It could be worse. You could be stuck with Rabastan Lestrange."

"He's far better company than you these days," I said stiffly.

He blanched at my words, "You prefer the company of that...that..."

"I believe the word you used before was 'miscreant,'" I said sweetly.

"Ah, yes, miscreant," he paused, "What will you have me do to remedy that sad fact?"

My eyes flicked involuntarily to his lips. And Lucius Malfoy did not miss it.

He smiled, a seductive, predatory smile. I froze.

_I want this. I don't want this. I want this, but not like this..._

"All you have to do is ask," he said softly.

I took a step backwards. He stepped forward, closing the gap.

"Lucius, stop," I said, an edge of desperation to my plea.

"Stop what?" he asked, stepping even closer to me. The smile on his lips was making my hormones soar far out of control. I couldn't breathe. I think I may have been having a panic attack.

"Stop..." I trailed off. His arms were around me securely now, making it harder to think.

"Ask," he purred in my ear, making goosebumps rise on my arms.

_Kiss me._

"No," I said, voice quavering.

_I do not love you anymore, Lucius. I will not beg you to kiss me._

"Please," his whisper was rough, "I want you to ask me."

* * *

Somehow, Sirius and I had found ourselves with a bottle of firewhiskey. And somehow, we had gone from sitting at a table to sitting under it. Neither of us were very lucid.

We had batted around ideas on how to stop the prank for awhile, but we were now to the point of just laughing at nothing.

I may not have been in my right mind, but I was coherent enough to know that when Sirius scooted closer to me, it was not platonic.

"Moony," his voice slurred, "I love you."

And, because it was the truth and I wasn't thinking of consequences, I told him that I loved him too. And then Sirius Black kissed me, under a table at Malfoy Manor. And it was the best moment in my sixteen years of life.

Of course, Sirius wouldn't remember it when he woke up the next day. But I would.

**A/N: Don't forget to review...**


	8. Dignity and Goosebumps

**_A/N: I was tempted to update the same day when I got your guys' reviews but I decided I should actually sleep instead. So, I have a free minute now and here you are. Thank you so much, you guys._**

"So did you have a good time at Lucius's?" I asked.

_And what were you doing there, anyway?_

"I suppose," Remus shrugged, "It was, uh, nice. And yourself?"

_Let's see, Lucius was a jerk and Travers was stealing all my Regulus's attention. I have a date with a guy I can't stand. It was the best day of my life._

"It was okay," I said lightly, "Not his best party though."

_His best was when we exploded Bellatrix. I was ten. _

"So, what made you change your mind about James?" Remus asked cautiously.

_Lucius is a jerk. Obviously._

"Everyone deserves a chance," I said noncommittally.

"You just seemed pretty opposed to it," Remus pressed.

_I'm still pretty opposed to it._

* * *

"If you must know," she said airily, "Lucius was being an asshole and I wanted to make him mad. It worked."

_She's dating James to piss off Lucius. And James is dating her to piss off Snape. Maybe they do deserve each other._

"So you don't like him at all?" I asked.

"I suppose he's not the vermin that I generally call him," she mused, "But I'm sure that 'like' is far too generous a term to attribute to him."

_Maybe I shouldn't feel guilty_…

"So what did Lucius do?" I asked, a half-smile creeping onto my face. I already knew this.

She smiles too and lowers her voice for gossip, "Get this. He tries to marry me off to Travers…who prefers guys to girls. Then, after I refuse, he corners me into a slow dance and tries to get me to ask him to kiss me." She pauses before sighing, "He's such a jerk."

_He…he…did she?_

"You didn't ask him to kiss you, did you?" I asked at once.

* * *

"Of course not!" I said as if the idea of Lucius's lips on my own was unappealing.

_What a good little actress._

He laughed, "Good. I'm glad you have some dignity, Narcissa."

"Tell me about it," I rolled my eyes, thinking of last night again. Lucius had seemed like he genuinely wanted to kiss me. And that was really confusing.

_Why would Lucius Malfoy want to kiss his Miss Cissy? Is he a pedophile now?_

"So tell me that you had a drama-filled night too," I pleaded, "It'll make me feel better."

* * *

"Well," I sighed, "Sirius kissed me."

Her face lit up, "Really?"

_Yes, and it was wonderful_.

"Yeah, but we were drunk," I looked at my feet, "He moreso than me."

"And what does he think about that little escapade?" she asked curiously, "Are you two together now?"

_If only_…

"He doesn't remember," I confessed.

"That sucks," she said quietly.

"Yeah," I agreed, "It does."

* * *

That night, when I found Regulus in the common room, I had a plan. He would help me. And by doing so, help Remus.

"I need some advice," I said at once.

_Well, Remus needs advice._

"So long as it's not about your love life," he said without looking up from his essay, "Because, hun, there's no help for your situation."

"It's not about my love life," I said innocently, "It's about Sirius's."

"Oh good god," he put his quill down and turned to me.

_Haha. So Regulus of a reaction_.

"Wait. Listen," I pleaded, "It's for a friend. What traits does Sirius look for in a potential mate?"

Regulus laughed, "I love the way you talk about love, Narcissa. And how should I know?"

"You lived with him," I pointed out.

"Yeah, but we didn't talk," he countered.

"Please, Reg!" I begged, "I'll be your best friend forever…oh, crap. I'm already your best friend."

"Fine," he rolled his eyes, "I..uhh…Sirius is as shallow as hell. His 'mate' would have to be gorgeous. He has a reputation after all. But he'd want someone good on the inside too. Who the hell wants to know anyway?"

_His best friend.  
_  
"This is confidential," I cautioned.

"I'll take it to my grave," he said mock-seriously.

"It's Remus," I smiled at the thought of him.

"Well, I'm definitely taking it to my grave. Excuse me, I have to go kill myself," he said dryly before getting up to, presumably, kill himself.

"Stop it! It's cute!" I giggled.

"Sickeningly cute. But Sirius is straight," Regulus said.

"Are you sure?" I asked, hopeful.

_If anyone would know, it'd be his brother_.

"Well…I suppose he could be gay," Regulus said thoughtfully, "But I wouldn't bet on it. And shouldn't Remus know Sirius's type? He knows him better than I do."

"Well, yes. But Remus is a whimp. He's not going to make the first move," I shrugged.

"Narcissa, how 'bout we don't get involved in this one," he suggested.

"But I want to be related to Remus," I pouted.

"Leave Sirius's love life to Sirius," he said firmly.

"But I want Remus to have someone," I sulked.

"Why not set him up with Travers then?" he rolled his eyes at my fake-grief.

"Just because they're both gay doesn't mean they'll like each other," I argued.

"Yeah, I know. But…" Regulus shrugged.

"I'll see what they say," I agreed.

* * *

James and Sirius were playing chess when I came back to the common room.

"And how is Legs?" James asked me.

_Well, she still has her dignity_.

"Looking forward to her hot date with James?" Sirius rolled his eyes.

"Actually," I grinned, "She still doesn't like him. She flat-out told me that she's just going to make Lucius go crazy."

"She doesn't like me?" James pouted, "But I was nice to her!"

"Aww, poor baby," I rolled my eyes and took a seat next to them.

_It's not as if you like her, anyway_.

Sirius's hand brushed my leg as he moved to move a piece. Goosebumps sprang to my skin at his touch.

_Stop._

_**A/N: Patience for the Remus/Cissa. It builds up to it. They have to be friends first. Don't forget to review!**_


	9. Interested

**_A/N: Thank you reviewers! And we have a new one! feels conceited Welcome to our nice little escape from reality. Anyway, as for "why Narcissa would want to be related to Remus" that was just to kind of show that he's growing on her. The idea of having him around didn't nauseate her. She liked the idea of having an excuse to see him in day-to-day life. Not that 'Cissa would admit that. So, sorry that wasn't clear. I may go back and edit some thoughts in there to clarify. And yeah, I figured short and frequent updates were better than long updates that took months. I mainly write between homework assignments, so…here we go…_**

"I have a proposal for you," I said formally.

_Will you date my new friend?_

"I thought you were opposed to marriage," Travers teased.

_Not all marriage. Just to you._

I ignored his comment, "This weekend is a Hogsmeade weekend."

"I'd love to meet the two of you there," he said at once before turning enthusiastically to Regulus, "Zonko's just upgraded their fireworks. We should tear some apart."

"Really?" Regulus leaned closer to the fireplace, "Did they use the classic combustion charm or--."

_Boys._

I interrupted before they could become absorbed in shop talk, "Let's meet outside Honeydukes at ten then," I paused, "Travis, may I inquire if you are currently attached?"

He blinked at me, "May I inquire the reason?" a grin tugged at the corner of his lips as he teased, "I thought you weren't interested."

_Very funny. You aren't interested either. _

Regulus chuckled, "Nope, Cissa darling just wants to set you up with someone."

I nodded and said innocently, "He's very nice."

"Oh," Travers said doubtfully, "I'm not sure if nice is my type."

_Too true. You and Lucius have the same relationship tendencies._

"Because you obviously prefer bitter and sarcastic company," Regulus teased.

"Who wouldn't?" Travers laughed.

"He's a good guy, Travis," Regulus said, "I think you two will hit it off. He's just a little shy and new to the world of men…"

Regulus stopped talking very suddenly and went bright pink. I gaped at him and he immediately stomped on my foot.

_What the bloody hell was Travers thinking to make Regulus blush?_

I spoke immediately, to keep Travers from noticing that Regulus had just used legilmency and found out something embarrassing, "Please? It's just a date and it won't kill you."

"I didn't say no," he said, "I was just…not aware that my love life was of interest to you. I suppose I could allow you to set me up with someone. Is he cute, at least? If I have to deal with shyness and inexperience, he may as well be a looker."

I smiled and nodded, "Yes, he's a cutie. So then, after you and Regulus explode yourselves, we can meet up with him for lunch."

_Where I will have my date with Glasses. Oh well, I'll like two out of the three people there. _

Travers held up a hand, "Wait. If you get to interfere then so do I. Lucius gets to come and spend the day with us too."

_WHAT?_

I shrugged, "Whatever. Just tell him to keep his ideas on my marital status to himself. I have a date."

Travers smirked, "Deal."

_Aw, shit. _

* * *

"You should date Travers. I'll fix you two up," she said definitively.

_Well, that settles it. She is insane._

"Isn't he a little out of my league? I'm a gay blood traitor, Narcissa." I said slowly.

"Yeah, but you're a gay blood traitor who's my friend. You have status now, deal with it," she said with a shrug.

_Ha, 'cause it's that simple. Wait. Her friend? Cool. I'm friends with Narcissa Black. _

"Why are you friends with me? I mean, in your world, I'm dirt." I asked looking pointedly at my feet.

"Remus Lupin, your low self-esteem will be the death of me!" she laughed.

_Well, not everyone can be a goddess like you. It's easy to love yourself when you're Narcissa Black. But not when you're a werewolf with feelings for your best friend that aren't platonic at all._

"I'm serious, Narcissa."

She thought for a moment before saying words I'll never forget, "Because in the real world, I'm the one who's dirt."

_WHAT? Had she been LISTENING to what Sirius said?_

I put my arm around her shoulders and gave her a quick, awkward hug, "You're too pretty to be dirt."

"I could be a beautiful maggot, if you'd prefer."

* * *

Regulus sighed, settling himself at my feet as I did my charms essay.

"What's wrong?" I asked, thankful for distraction.

He shook his head, "I might've found out something that I didn't want to know."

_The blush!_

"What?" I asked, "Did you accidentally eavesdrop on one of Travers's sex fantasies?"

And he went crimson.

"You did?" I laughed, "Well, just repress the awkward memories, Reg. It'll be fine in a week or two."

He shook his head again, "Uh, he was fantasizing about…about…"

"About bad articulation?" I teased, before catching sight of his face. He looked very confused. I slid off my chair to sit on the ground next to him, "What is it, Reg?"

_It can't be that bad._

"Me," he whispered.

"What?" I asked, confused, "Maybe he was still thinking about the fireworks."

"No," he gulped, "He was imagining kissing me."

_Aw, they'd be good together._

Regulus's brow furrowed, "He was trying not to. But, he, uh, did."

"Well…" I trailed off, "Are you…interested in Travis? We don't have to set him up with Remus. I'd rather you be happy."

_Travis and Regulus. Trav and Reg. Hee. It's so cute._

"I've never thought about it before," he said quietly, "I mean, I really like Travis in the sense that we're friends. He's funny. He's smart. I'm just not…attracted to him."

_Oh. Poor Travis_.

"Well…" I pressed my lips together, "I guess there's not much that can be done to change that then."

"Do you think I'm a jerk?" he asked, worried.

"Because you're not gay?" I asked, skeptically, "Of course not. You're a jerk for other reasons."

He laughed, "Love you too, best bud."

* * *

"I, uh," I stammered, "Need to tell you something."

_Why am I doing this? Oh yes, because an interfering angel has set me up on a date with a ridiculously good-looking guy…and then decided to double with us…on a date with one of my friends._

The three of them were on James's bed, staring at me expectantly.

"Spit it out, Moony," James encouraged.

"We've all bit you before. You haven't died yet," Sirius added, "And, I've recently had my rabies shot, so no worries."

_Don't hate me. Please, Sirius, don't hate me._

"I think I might be bi," I said quietly.

And the smiles, warm and accepting, slid from their faces. Peter looked shocked, Sirius confused, and James thoughtful. James was the first person to utilize his vocal cords.

"Well," he said slowly, "Is this a hug thing or do you want space?"

"I have no idea, I've never done this before," I laughed nervously.

He stood up and hugged me, "Well, I'm fond of hugging."

"Thanks James," I rolled my eyes.

"So how…what…why…" Sirius stammered.

_Please. Please. Don't hate me._

"Is there a certain guy that strikes your fancy?" James asked, curiously, "We can make it happen."

_Sure you can_.

"I…" I paused, fighting off a blush, "Well, Narcissa is setting me up with someone."

"You told her first?" Sirius asked incredulously.

"She guessed," I admitted.

"Who's she setting you up with?" Sirius asked, a frown on his face.

"Some Travis guy?" I asked doubtfully.

Sirius snorted, "Travis Travers? I don't know what that girl is thinking. You are way too good for that…that…"

_If only he was upset because he was jealous. And not because of his family. Wouldn't that be perfection…_

"Oh," I turned to James, "She says we're doubling whether you like or not."

"That's fine with me," James shrugged.

"So are we okay then?" I asked them doubtfully.

"Of course," James said, "Why wouldn't we be?"

"Yeah," Sirius said at once, "It's not like anything's different."

**_A/N: Don't forget to review!_**


	10. Late last night when we were all in bed

**_A/N: So, I'm proving how much of a life I don't have today. Two updates. But I was really having a bad day and then I checked my email and three reviews popped up…thanks you guys. The reviews really do make my day, especially today. :)_**

My bed felt oddly uncomfortable.

_Like I was laying on rocks._

"I'm kind of nervous," I confessed, out loud. I could tell that James was still awake.

He answered after only a moment's hesitation, "I think that's normal. Hell, I'm nervous and I don't even like the girl."

_How can you be so nice and yet such a jerk?_

"Yeah, but you want her to fall for you," I pointed out, "And that's kind of putting yourself out there just the same."

He heaved a gusty sigh, "What am I going to do? She still can't stand me."

_Maybe you should give up._

"Well, stop mooning over Lily for starters," I suggested, "Because she won't like it if she sees you falling all over yourself for another girl. And, I don't know, just be nice. You're not a complete asshole, let her know that." I paused, "Maybe I should cancel."

"What?" James sat straight up in bed, "Why?"

_Because I have no idea how to date a guy. Because I like Sirius, not this friend of Narcissa. Because the risk isn't worth it._

I sat up too, "Because…what if he doesn't like me? What if I'm bad at dating guys?"

James rolled his eyes, "Moony, any guy would be lucky to date you."

"You're just being nice," I protested, "I could be completely undesirable and you would never tell me."

James threw a shoe at the sleeping Sirius, "Padfoot," James demanded, "Tell Moony that he's anyone's dream guy."

Sirius mumbled, half asleep in his pillow, "Remus, you're a sexy beast. Go to sleep."

I couldn't help it. I blushed.

_Sexy beast?_

* * *

My bed felt oddly uncomfortable.

_Like I was laying on empty icemice containers._

I reached under my covers and threw the empty candy boxes on the floor.

The bed was still uncomfortable. I vacated it and tiptoed out of the dormitory, making my way to Regulus's dorm.

_I must seem such a slut to have the way to the guys' dorms memorized…_

On the way, I ran into someone who I didn't want to.

"Where are you off to, Miss Black?" he asked.

_EW. Not you._

"Go away, Rabastan," I rolled my eyes, "It's really none of your business."

He blocked the hallway, cutting off my path to Regulus.

"Now, now, Miss Black," he grinned, "What's the rush?"

_Leave before I kill you._

"I just need to speak to Regulus," I said reluctantly.

_Why am I explaining myself to him?_

He didn't move, he just continued to stand there in my way, "So how's Lucius?"

"I wouldn't know," I said tersely.

_Maybe I should hex him…_

"Really?" he looked pleased, "I was under the impression that you two were attached. I mean, after he so obviously marked his territory at your birthday…"

"I am not Lucius's territory," I growled.

He stepped closer to me, "Glad to hear it, sweetheart."

"And I'm not your sweetheart," I snapped.

_Shit. My wand is in my dorm._

"I beg to differ," he was close enough that I could feel his breath on my lips.

_Get. Away. From. Me. And then go brush your teeth._

I tried to shove past him, but he grabbed my arms.

"Let go!" I demanded just as his lips collided with mine.

_REGULUS!_

He was biting my mouth and I could feel my circulation stopping where he was grabbing me.

_REGULUS! HELP!_

I tried to twist from his grasp, but he wrapped my hair around his fingers like a leash, causing me to yelp with pain.

_REG—_

"Leave her alone!" Regulus came to my rescue. Rabastan froze and fell away from me, paralyzed on the ground.

_Thank god._

Regulus had me in a hug immediately, "Are you alright? Cissa? Say something!"

_Love you love you love you love you best bud_.

"I'm okay now," I said, leaning heavily into him, "I'm okay."

"Thank merlin for the freaky twin sense," he sighed, "Especially as we aren't even twins."

I didn't answer, just inhaling the familiar scent of his pajamas and cubing numbers in my head.

"Why were you coming to see me?" he asked softly.

"I couldn't sleep," I sighed, "I'm nervous."

Regulus tugged me to the common room, "At least Potter is better than Rabastan."

"At least," I agreed.

* * *

Sunshine woke me up. There were even birds singing. And Sirius jumping on my bed.

_This is what heaven is…_

I mumbled profanities into my pillow as I remembered that I had a date. And not with Sirius.

"Wake up, Moony!" Sirius demanded, laughing.

I sat up groggily and rubbed my eyes.

"Good morning, sunshine!" he said cheerfully, "Now, I have plans for us this morning since you're ditching me for Travers later."

_I wouldn't say 'ditching' and besides, if it's that much of an issue, I'd gladly date you instead._

"What are we doing?" I asked.

"Honeydukes just came out with levitation lollipops," Sirius said, "I say we should test them out…and then improve them."

I laughed, "Sounds like a plan, then."

I stumbled out of bed and over to my trunk. As I fished through my clothing, I realized something horrible.

"Eh—Sirius?" I blushed, looking around for James instead, but he was nowhere in sight.

"Yes, Moony-dearest?" he asked.

"Eh—what does one wear on a date with this Travers person?" I asked.

_Complete mortification._

Sirius looked a bit startled, but hid it, "Well, I don't know. Something nice? But it's only Hogsmeade, so nothing too fancy."

I looked helplessly at my trunk. I was hating this dating business already.

_S_irius rolled his eyes, "Go shower, Moony. I'll find you something."

* * *

I woke up on the couch in the common room with Regulus.

The sun was shining. Birds were twittering. And I was completely horrified at the idea of seeing Lucius again. Not mention my date with Glasses.

_Today will be such fun. Not._

I slithered back to my dorm after a quick, "See ya at breakfast," to Regulus. Then I dumped my trunk of clothing onto the floor and stared at the pile. I had nothing to wear.

_After all, what does one wear to a date with a guy they hate—but witnessed by the guy they're trying to drive nuts_?

At last, I decided to look pretty. It wasn't James's fault he was atrocious. And I would have to make it at least _look _as if I liked him.

* * *

Sirius had dressed me. For a date. With someone else.

_Cruel, cruel fate_.

And now I was sitting in the Great Hall. Eating Cereal. Feeling Nervous.

"It'll be fine you two," Sirius told James and me, "I'm sure you'll survive."

"And then suffer PTSD for the rest of our existences," James gulped.

_I'll be a bi werewolf blood traitor with PTSD. Great._

**A/N: Don't forget to review!**


	11. The Hogsmeade Trip, Part the first

**_A/N: Thank you reviewers! I wrote this in math class so sorry if it's EXCESSIVELY choppy...But I figured that it was about time that I updated for you guys..._**

We walked to Honeydukes, the set meeting spot and saw, to my horror and sick pleasure, not only Lucius and Travers, but also James, Sirius, Peter, and Remus. Regulus and I exchanged glances.

_This will be funny in ten years. Maybe._

As soon as Lucius saw us, he tugged Travers to meet us. Regulus shot me a panicked glance that I met with my own.

"We should've been sick," he muttered.

"Tell me about it," I agreed as Lucius approached.

"Hello, Miss Cissy," he said brightly, "Hey, Regulus."

He and Regulus did some sort of guy handshake where they hit each other.

_Stupid males._

Then he pulled me into a hug. And my skin caught fire.

_Oh god, don't let g—STOP._

I backed away, trying to control my hormones frantically.

"Good morning, Lucius," I said stiffly.

"You're still mad?" he asked, biting his lip.

I nodded.

_Yes, mad. Right. I can be mad. At my hormones._

"So, Zonko's then?" Travers asked hopefully.

And that's when James spotted me.

"Narcissa!" he called. And then, to my great surprise, the four of them all tromped over.

"James!" my voice felt fake, but Lucius was too distracted to notice, appraising the offending person known as James.

* * *

She didn't look thrilled to see us. Greetings were exchanged. Some warmer than others.

_If looks could kill, I think both Sirius and Regulus would be dead. Simulataneously._

Lucius was looking at James as if he was contemplating murder.

_The silly fool doesn't even notice, he's too busy staring at her legs._

The person standing in between an uncomfortable Regulus and a hostile Lucius, however, held most of my attention.

_He's so…pretty. Beautiful. Handsome. The male Narcissa. He's a veela in another life. Visual perfection. Almost as handsome as Siri—STOP._

Narcissa noticed the direction of my attention and winked at me, "Travis, I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Remus. Remus, this Travis."

_That beautiful creature is my date? ARE YOU INSANE, WOMAN?!_

* * *

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Travers flashed him a heart-stopping smile.

"It's nice to meet you too," Remus looked dazed.

_Oh sweet merlin. He's swooning._

Travers noticed and I could see him bite back a delighted laugh. He was going to have fun with him. I could see him plotting behind his cheerful brown eyes.

I turned to James, feeling suddenly nervous again.

* * *

James had started to notice Lucius's hostility and moved with caution closer to Narcissa, "Hi."

_Brilliant, James._

She laughed, looking oddly nervous, "Hi."

James used her atypical shyness to his advantage, "I realize that we agreed on lunch, but we were just about to go buy some Levitation Lollipops and behave terribly immaturely. Would you and your friends care to join us?"

* * *

_Perfect opportunity to demonstrate to Lucius Malfoy that I am not twelve._

"I don't see why not," I smiled, feeling a lot more secure with a plan. I just needed to make Lucius see that I wasn't a kid anymore. James could help me with that. Easily.

He smiled too, "Great. Shall we, then?" He offered me his hand.

_Perfect._

I took it, noting Lucius's frown.

* * *

To my great surprise, as everyone started to head into Honeydukes, Travis fell in step beside me.

"So, I hate to tell you this, Remus," he smiled, "But 'Cissa-dear has accidentally deprived us of all forms of small talk. She told me your year—sixth—and your house—Gryffindor—and your hobbies—reading and hanging out with her dear cousin—and your favorite color—green—not to mention your favorite subject—Charms—and your best friend--Sirius. So, for the sake of interesting conversation, I must inquire what your opinion is on the meaning of life."

I stared at him.

_Is 'Cissa_ stalking _me?!_

I blinked a few times before inexplicably feeling quite at ease. He reminded me of Sirius.

I smiled and answered quite confidently, "There is no meaning, of course. Could you imagine if life meant something, Travis?" I liked the way his name sounded on my lips, "We'd have to take it seriously and that would just depress us all into ending it."

He seemed pleasantly shocked by my answer, "Words of wisdom. Now tell me…"

* * *

I held James's hand the whole time in the candy store. Lucius finally just lagged around Regulus, disgusted with my public display of affection.

_Filthy hypocrite._

Remus and Travers seemed to be having a good time. They hadn't stopped talking since we entered the shop. And Sirius couldn't keep his eyes off Remus.

_Ha, dear cousin, are you jealous?_

James and I did not seem to have as much to talk about. We would comment on the different candies, but always drifted back into silence until I finally grew impatient.

In the corner next to the sugar quill display, I turned to face him.

"I'm really glad we're doing this," I told him sweetly.

_Glad in the sense of disgusted, of course._

I let my hand drift up his arm lightly, "I think I might have misjudged you. You're really…a great person, James."

_Great? Ha, I'm so sure. I should've came up with a better word._

"And you're amazing," he told me.

_Oh, I know that._

I ducked my head, pretending to be shy, "Thanks."

And when I looked back up at him, he kissed me lightly on the cheek before saying, "We should do this more often."

"Loiter in Honeydukes?"

_Oops. Wise-ass comment. Sorry._

He chuckled, "Exactly what I meant."

"I thought so," I smiled and as Lucius rounded the corner, I stood on tip-toe and kissed James's lips.

_I am evil. I am scum._

Lucius cleared his throat loudly. I turned around and saw that we had more of an audience than I'd intended. Everyone was staring at us.

_Oops?_

Regulus caught my eye. He was shaking with supressed laughter.

* * *

"What are you _doing_?" I hissed, finally having gotten James alone for one measly second.

_Kissing Narcissa in front of Lucius?!_

He had the sense to look sheepish, "She wants to drive Lucius crazy, doesn't she? I'm helping."

_Both of them are evil, I swear._

I rolled my eyes, "You two have problems."

He grinned, "Probably. But I've been thinking, what if dating Legs, drives _Lily_ crazy?"

_It always comes back to her, doesn't it?  
_  
I blinked at him, "But Narcissa's motivation is entirely different."

It was his turn to roll his eyes at _me_, "Moony, please. You don't honestly believe that."

"You're saying she…" I trailed off, feeling oddly disappointed.

"She's completely smitten," James said seriously.

* * *

"Do you think he likes me?" Travers asked me. James and Remus were sorting out the lollipops.

_How am I supposed to know? You and him have been off in your own little world!_

"I think you're being utterly perfect," I told him honestly, "I wish you were straight."

He laughed, "Sorry. So you think he's having a good time?"

"Yes," I said, "And why are you worried? Do you like him?"

The smile disappeared and he looked pensive, "I'm not sure. He's certainly a cutie and…I should be feeling something more than parental affection for this kid. I know that. But…I don't know, 'Cissa."

_I wonder if it's because he already likes someone. But no, it was just a random daydream. I would've noticed if Travis was gone for my best friend. I would've._

* * *

Travis put his arm around my waist, as our whole big group wandered to the Three Broomsticks. Fire shot up my spine and my hands were really beginning to sweat.

_I hope he doesn't notice how nervous I am._

He was so funny. So handsome. So confident. So like Sirius. And yet, so unlike him. Undebatably and horribly unlike Sirius.

**_A/N: I'll update sooner this time...Don't forget to review!_**


	12. The Hogsmeade Trip, Part the second

**_A/N: Thanks to my reviewers! As for the question about whether there will be Lucius/Black--yes, if you mean Lucius/Narcissa Black. Possibly if you mean Lucius/Sirius. But it's not very likely in this story. Here's why the title is Malfoy and Black: because Narcissa, one narrorator is obsessed with Lucius, and Remus, one narrorator, is obessed with Sirius. Thus, Malfoy and Black. Speaking of..._**

"So, we have plans for lunch," I told Lucius pointedly.

_You can leave now. My plan isn't working anyway. You're ignoring me. Ass._

"Of course we'll tag along," he purposely misunderstood, "Right, Reg?"

_So help me god, Regulus_…

Regulus met my panicked gaze and chuckled, "I bet they want some privacy, Luc."

_Good boy._

"Privacy?" Lucius looked alarmed, "If they think they need _privacy_, then they most definitely need a chaperone."

Regulus laughed and my back-up was gone.

"I don't see the harm in it," James said diplomatically.

_No harm in letting other people lag around our date?_

A few butterbeers later, James was surely whistling a different tune.

"Tell me, James," Lucius said somberly, "What do you want to do, professionwise, after Hogwarts?"

_It suddenly feels very Meet-the-Parents in here.._

James's reply was nervous, "I, uh, was thinking either pro-quidditch or a professor."

"A professor?" Lucius didn't even merit pro-quidditch with a reply, "Of what?"

"I, uh, like Transfiguration," James looked nervously at me.

"And how do you propose to support a family on the salary of a Transfiguration professor, James?" Lucius asked skeptically.

_What an asshole. And why does he care?_

"Budgeting?" James asked sheepishly.

_Awww...he's funny. Maybe he's not entirely annoying...maybe I could like him._

* * *

Sirius was sitting across from me. Watching me talk to Travis. Like I didn't notice his stare.

_How could I not notice him?_

Travis was entertaining. I liked talking to him. But Sirius was distracting.

_What do those stares mean? Could he like me? Or do I just look like an idiot?_

Travis had his arm around the back of my chair and his body angled towards mine as our conversation continued.

_Could he possibly be interested in me? I should pay more attention to him, if he is…Bad, Remus, paying too much attention to…there's no such thing as too much attention where Sirius is concerned._

Every once in awhile, from my other side, Regulus would interject a comment into our conversation. He and Travis seemed to be pretty close. Travis seemed to know which things Regulus would be interested in and would say those things slightly louder, making him notice.

_They're just like me and Sirius. Friends. Ugh. Stupid platonic friends._

I tried to turn the conversation to something that Sirius would be interested in too, but he and Regulus were having a conversation of their own.

_I do hope they don't kill each other. I doubt Narcissa would still consider me her friend._

"And how is mommy-dearest?" Sirius was sneering.

"How's the gutter these days?" Regulus retorted at once, "I'll have to look up some recipes for rat next time I'm home."

"At least I'm not in some sort of house elf morgue," Sirius snapped, "And you claim to want equal species rights."

_What? Note to self: do not visit the Blacks at their house._

"I didn't choose the decorations!" Regulus protested, "And, besides, who are we wizards to pretend we understand the house elf psyche? Kreacher wants to be on that wall!"

"Because he spends too much time with puppets like you," Sirius rolled his eyes.

"I am not a puppet," Regulus growled.

"Could've fooled me," Sirius laughed, "Calm down, little brother. Someday you'll cut your strings."

"I'm not a coward like you," he snapped, "I don't run away."

_Ouch._

"I'm not a coward," it was Sirius's turn to growl.

"Brotherly love, huh?" Travis whispered in my ear, noting the cause of my stare.

"That about covers it," I sighed.

_Poor Sirius. He doesn't deserve that family._

"Cheer up," Travis commanded, "They'll like each other again someday. Regulus is a good guy."

_Sure he is._

"You two are friends then?" I asked.

Travis nodded happily, "Yeah, he's the best."

"No, I'm not," Regulus interjected, "And besides, I'd rather be the worst."

"You're the worst then," Travis grinned at him.

Regulus turned to Narcissa, James, and Lucius then, a slight pink on his cheeks.

* * *

Lucius was talking to James about investments.

_He sounds like he's fifty. Whatever happened to partying Lucius, getting himself into so much trouble, the guy that was so fun…?_

When James looked at the floor, Lucius turned to me and winked.

_Asshole. What are you playing at??_

I glared at him. He shrugged and continued to grill my date about things that didn't matter.

Regulus rejoined our conversation quite suddenly, "Hey did any of you catch the Puddlemore United game two days ago?"

"Yeah," James looked relieved to have some light conversation, "It was insane."

"Tell me about it," Regulus agreed distractedly.

_Strange._

"So do you support Puddlemore then?" Lucius asked James.

"No, I'm an Arrows fan," James said confidently.

Regulus smirked and shook his head…because Lucius immediately started in on everything that was wrong with that quidditch team.

_Boys and their quidditch._

I kicked Lucius under the table, trying to get him to behave like less of a prat. He looked up at me, surprised. I mustered up my best I-hate-you look.

* * *

At the edge of the village as we were about to part ways, Travis turned to me.

"I had a good time," he told me.

"Me too," I answered honestly, "We'll have to thank Narcissa for setting us up."

"Naw, she'll get too big of a head," Travis chuckled.

_I really did have a good time. He's so nice. And funny. And good-looking. If only I didn't already love someone._

"Maybe," I laughed.

And that's when he did it. Travis took my face in his big, warm hands and kissed me soundly on the lips. I froze, completely in shock. It felt so good…His tongue slipped between my lips for a short second before he stepped away with a grin on his face.

"Good bye, Remus Lupin," he laughed.

"G-g'bye."

_I must sound like a complete moron._

* * *

After we had said our good byes to the Gryffindor boys, Lucius, Travers, Regulus, and I started to walk in the direction of the castle.

"Did you have a nice date?" Lucius asked me.

"What do you think?" I asked sourly.

"I think you had a horrible time because I was being a jerk," he said sheepishly.

…_yes. You were. And you admitted it??_

"Well…I wouldn't say horrible," I admitted reluctantly.

"You're just being nice for some inexplicable reason," he accused.

"Probably," I laughed.

_I like Lucius Malfoy…NOOO! Stop. Please, self. I'm begging you for my peace of mind, don't fall for him…He's a jerk. HE'S A JERK…_

"What about you?" Regulus asked Travers hopefully, "Did you have a good time?"

Travers thought for a second, "Bittersweet. I hardly got to talk to you."

"You and Lupin seemed to hit it off though," Regulus insisted, "You two make quite the couple."

_Oh, Reggie. There's nothing you can really do. If he likes you, he likes you_.

"I guess," Travers didn't sound particularly enthused, "He seems…he's a cool guy."

"So that kiss we witnessed?" Regulus prompted.

_Kiss? That must've been while I was saying my own good byes…_

"I was just having a little fun," Travers admitted sheepishly, "His uncertainty is a little adorable."

"Is adorable your type then?" Regulus asked, slightly teasing.

_Yay, he's acting normal again!_

"Why do you want to know my type?" Travers teased back.

"I, uh—."

"You said nice wasn't," I cut in, saving Regulus from the awkward situation, "We just needed clarification, because nice and adorable are usually in the same spectrum."

"Oh, I see," the playful smile left his lips.

* * *

That night, back in the common room, James was complaining about Lucius Malfoy.

"Nothing I said was right," he ranted, "But the more incompetent I found myself, the more Legs seemed to like me! It doesn't make any sense!"

"She really does want to piss off Lucius, doesn't she?" Sirius laughed.

"Yes," James suddenly grinned, "And it has quite the benefits."

He lowered the collar of his shirt to show us a bite mark.

"Ew, that's my cousin!" Sirius hid his face against my arm, "I don't need to know that!"

_Sirius…_

"When did she manage that?" I laughed, "Lucius was on you two like a moth on a street lamp…"

He turned sheepish, "I think that's why I got it. But I made sure to bite her back."

"How chivalrous of you," I remarked dryly.

"I thought so," he laughed.

* * *

As Regulus and I entered the common room that night, I was still thinking about my date with James.

"I wish I knew why James is bothering with me. Merlin and god both know that I am not his type. Yet he kisses me back and is hopelessly charming while I use him shamelessly," I sighed.

_Maybe I am an awful person. It wasn't right to use him like that. He's a person too._

"Yeah, it's weird," Regulus agreed.

"Didn't you use legilimency?" I asked, eager for answers.

"Eh," he said awkwardly, "I've quit."

"What?" I asked, shocked.

"I'm not reading people's thoughts anymore," he said.

"Why?" I asked, "Because of Travers?"

"Yes," he said simply.

"But, Reg!"

"But, Cis!" he mocked my indignant tone, before saying quite seriously, "There are some things that I'm just happier not knowing."

"But I need to know what Potter's thinking!" I whined.

_Real mature, I know, but effective most times…_

"Why?" Regulus asked, "Because you don't want to lead him on? Or because you do?"

"Because," I sighed, "I may actually like him."

"What?" he asked, staring at me in bewilderment.

"He's not as bad as I thought," I shrugged.

Regulus pressed his lips together and thought for a second before saying, "Get some sleep. Maybe you'll talk sense in the morning."

I laughed, "Maybe, but I wouldn't place money on that assumption."

"Goodnight, 'Cissa."

"'Night, Reg."

I fell asleep thinking about James, Remus, and Lucius. I really did think that maybe I had been wrong about James. And Remus was nice, he was friends with James. Didn't Remus have a good judge of character? And Lucius…is a headcase.

I woke to hands grabbing me. I tried to scream, but could not make a sound. I felt a sharp smack at the back of my head before everything went dark once more.

**_A/N: Don't forget to review!_**


	13. It's Going to be Alright, Really

**_A/N: Do I have an outline? Ha, interesting question. Let's see…I see these characters in a very specific way and that doesn't really change much as I write. And there are certain things that have to happen, such as Snape finding out that Remus is a werewolf, or Cissa marrying Lucius. And the reasons that they do that are already set in stone in my head. And I write with those reasons in mind, but, no, I don't have a specific outline. I just mainly keep them in-character and let them do as they please as long as they hit a few landmarks. Speaking of landmarks, we have a concussion to get back to…_**

As cold stone floor collided with my face, I automatically opened my eyes and grumbled, "What the fuck?"

A familiar laugh greeted me, "Watch your mouth, 'Cissy. Ladies don't use such vulgar language."

I sat up and looked around. Stone boxed us into an empty room. Empty except for a sea of hooded people. Masked hooded people.

_What the crap do the deatheaters want with me?_

"Bella," my voice quavered, "What's going on?"

She laughed again, "Never you mind, 'Cissy. Just keep your mouth shut and your head down."

"But wh--."

"Don't make me hex your mouth shut," she said mockingly.

"You wouldn't," I rolled my eyes at her empty threat.

She sniffed, "Would you care to test that assumption?"

"Maybe I would," I said haughtily.

"Cissy, please. You're being juvenile," she said coolly.

"I just want to know why I'm not sleeping right now," I protested.

_It's not too much to ask, is it? I didn't think so!_

"Maybe you are sleeping," she sounded exasperated, "Maybe you'll wake up and stop annoying the hell out of me."

"Now who's being juvenile?" I teased.

"Shut up," she sighed, realizing it was a losing battle.

"That's the most juvenile retort in the history of the English language, Bella," I said condescendingly.

"Shut up," she snapped.

* * *

_Sirius's breath was hot on my lips. Every time he exhaled, I tasted his toothpaste—cinnamon. _

* * *

The room was slowly filling with more and more people in cloaks. Sounds of apparation hung in the air.

_It sounds like that muggle thing…bubble wrap. _

Then there was a louder pop—more of a crash—and two figures appeared at the center of the room. I recognized one of them immediately.

"Regulus!" I cried and tried to run to him, but Bella sank her nails into my arm and held me back.

"Narcissa?" he looked around immediately for me, frantic.

The figure beside him laughed, a high cold laugh, and a sinking feeling in my stomach told me exactly who it was.

Regulus turned to the Dark Lord, furious, "Where is she?"

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named turned in the direction of Bellatrix, "I think Master Black would like to see our leverage now."

It hit me then that I was the leverage. I cowered into my sister, but she threw me in front of her and shoved me to the center of the room.

"Leverage?" Regulus asked, shock apparent on his face.

"Yes," the Dark Lord said lightly, "You refused my civil offer and now I think we must compromise."

"I think you need to recheck your definition of that word," Regulus muttered.

There was shuffling in the crowd and a figure broke free of the sea of faceless cloaks and joined us in the center.

The Dark Lord seemed to find this very amusing. He motioned to two of the other cloaks and they were immediately at my sides, gripping my arms. There would be no escape now. Not that I was fool enough to try before.

The person who had so desperately broken from the crowd just stood there, staring at Regulus.

* * *

"_Remus," he said softly, like my name was easily broken, "I love you."_

* * *

Regulus's eyes were on me as he addressed the Dark Lord, "And what exactly is this compromise?"

The Dark Lord smirked, "The compromise is that you join me. Would you like to see the incentive?"

"No," Regulus said at once, but it was too late. One of the people that had my arms had muttered the spell just as the other cloaked figure threw themselves at the Dark Lord's feet, begging—

"Please, Master! No! There has to be another way! Please, Master!"

_Don't scream, don't scream, don't scream…Reggie_ _will surely break if I scream…_

I screamed with pain and dropped to the floor. It felt like a thousand paper-cuts squirted with lemon juice, but the cuts went deeper—to my bones.

* * *

_The words sounded like magic—like everything in the world made sense._

* * *

Barely coherent, I watched the scene from the floor. Lucius was still at the Dark Lord's feet, begging for him to stop the curse. Regulus was watching me in horror. And the Dark Lord laughed.

"What is your answer now, boy?" the Dark Lord asked Regulus.

Regulus swallowed, "I'm yours to command."

* * *

"_I love you too, Sirius," I told him honestly, wishing that I could sound as delectable as he did._

* * *

Lucius heaved a sigh of relief and got to his feet once more.

"Very good," the Dark Lord said condescendingly, "I see you can still be taught. Now, extend your arm."

Regulus did as he was told, eyes never leaving me.

The Dark Lord did something with the tip of his wand, making Regulus wince, and said, "My word is law. You do not question it. This is a contract for life, if you desert me, she will die. Slowly. And do not consider double-crossing, because if you do, she won't die. There are things much worse."

"I—I understand," Regulus said quietly.

"Now, for a taste of what happens when I am unhappy with your performance," the Dark Lord smiled.

"Please, Master!" Lucius begged again, "Don't!"

"Restrain him," the Dark Lord ordered calmly.

And someone held Lucius back as the Dark Lord turned his wand on me.

* * *

_His head titled forward, closing the gap between us. _

* * *

It was worse this time. My cries echoed off the walls and my skin shredded itself on the floor, begging to come off my body if only to escape the pain.

_Help me Reg…_

Through my screams, I heard His laugh, "Your 'Reg' can't help you, dear."

_Lucius…_

"No, not Master Malfoy either. Though I assure you he wants to."

My hands clawed at my flesh, trying to remove it. It burned. My fingernails sliced my cheek open, but the drip of the blood just made it worse.

_Make it stop. Heart stop beating…please._

"This pain," He continued, "is the fault of your 'Reg.' He refused to serve me. If he had only agreed, you could be sleeping right now."

* * *

_My body came alive at his touch. _

* * *

I gagged, heaving air from my empty stomach. My heart ached, if only I could cough it up…

"Say you hate him," He coddled.

_No._

It took me a second to realize the pain was gone. In its place was a fuzzy, surreal feeling.

"Just say you hate Regulus," His voice was like honey.

"I hate—."

_I don't hate Regulus. I love Regulus._

"Say it," His voice had more demand in it.

* * *

_I pulled him closer, wanting to be a part of him. _

* * *

Regulus was inching towards me. I righted my self and ran to him, falling over my feet into his arms.

_I love you._

"I hate you," I mumbled into his shirt while a mix of blood and tears ran down my cheeks.

"I love you too," he whispered back.

The Dark Lord sounded exasperated, "Enough."

And there was another crash and He disappeared.

Lucius threw back his hood and ran to us, "Are you alright, Narcissa?"

I looked at him.

_Why in the name of god would I be alright?_

Travers, Severus, and Bellatrix all appeared beside us.

"You can't go back to Hogwarts in that state," Severus said matter-of-factly, "Slughorn will never believe that you fell down the stairs."

I looked down at the damage then and gasped. My skin was shredded. Underneath my nails were bits of skin and blood. I had done it to myself.

* * *

_His lips worked roughly and hungrily with mine, constantly gathering force and intensity. _

* * *

"Let's go back to Lucius's and my place," Travers suggested, "We have a first aid kit and plenty of ingredients for healing potions," he looked at Severus pointedly, "I think you know a few."

"What I don't know, Regulus does," Severus nodded.

Lucius carefully took my hand in his before looking me directly in the eyes and saying very slowly, "I'm going to apparate. I'm going to bring you with me. It might hurt," he bit his lip, looking at my damaged skin, "But it's the only way out. Okay?"

I tried to say yes, but my lips wouldn't move.

* * *

_He ripped my shirt off, tearing the flimsy fabric in the process._

* * *

"It's okay, Lucius," Regulus answered for me, still staring at my face.

_Why can't I talk?_

"I think you're in shock," Regulus answered me, a bitter edge in his voice, "Just keep trying."

Lucius sighed, before saying in the same slow, firm voice, "Ready? On three. 1…2…3…"

I yelped as my feet hit the floor in Lucius and Travers's flat.

"Narcissa?!" Lucius panicked.

_I'm okay_, but my lips didn't move.

He guided me to their couch and we sat. Every time he looked at me, his eyes got sadder. I swallowed and tried to talk again, to break this horrible silence. Lucius ran his fingers through the tangles in my hair, just staring at my bloody face.

"It'll be okay," he whispered, "I'll make it all better, I promise."

"How can you promise that?" my voice was terribly scratchy and broken.

* * *

_. I gasped, startled that he could want this too._

* * *

A few pops stopped him from replying, and the rest of them appeared in the room.

Regulus was at my side immediately.

"Sev and I are going to whip up an antidote," he told me, "And Travers is going to find some band-aids in the mean time."

"Okay," I said, still in the unfamiliar rough voice.

Regulus smiled bitterly, "You have your vocal cords behaving again?"

"Yes."

He and Severus disappeared into the kitchen just as Travers came back into the room, a first-aid kit in hand. He handed it to Lucius and Lucius set to work, examining my self-inflicted cuts.

"There's a really bad one on her leg," Travers pointed out, "You should probably get that one first."

"Oh," Lucius looked at where Travers had indicated, "I just—her face, Trav."

"I know," Travers sighed, sitting on the coffee table in front of me.

Lucius eased my leg into his lap and applied some disinfecting potion to a long, deep scrape traveling the length of my thigh.

* * *

_It was then that I realized that I was dreaming and decided to make the best of it. _

* * *

His hands hesitated at the edge of my nightgown, but then pushed it up with nonchalance and continued to treat the wound. Travers set to work on my right arm and Bellatrix watched from the corner, eyes careful.

"Would you like to help, Bella?" Lucius asked coldly.

"The four of you seem to have everything under control," she answered.

"Then maybe you should go get some sleep," Lucius suggested, "Good bye."

"Ha," she smirked, "Like I'd leave my little sister unchaperoned with you of all people. I'm not an idiot."

* * *

_I pinned Sirius to the bed and ripped off _his_ shirt._

* * *

Lucius frowned, "We have plenty of chaperones, Bella. There's Travis and Severus and Regulus…and you know that I would never betray Cissy's trust."

She laughed as if he'd said something funny.

_I wish she would just leave. _

"Please, do something constructive or leave," Lucius said, tone controlled.

Travers took that as his cue to tug Bellatrix to the door.

"Stop it," she demanded, "I will not leave my little sister alone to be taken advantage of by--."

"Would you please think about what you're saying?" Travers asked, "She'll be fine. And you've never worried about chaperones for yourself, so don't pretend you actually give a shit about chastity."

And thus, Travers escorted her from the premises.

"I hate her today," Lucius mumbled.

"I know," Travers smiled slightly, "And with good reason."

"What do you mean?" I asked. Each word seemed to slice my throat on it's way out.

"She's the one who told the Dark Lord how to manipulate Regulus," Lucius glared at the coffee table.

"Oh."

_I knew we were never close, but DAMN._

"That's really all you have to say about it?" Travers asked unbelievingly.

"What more is there to say?" I asked as Regulus came from the kitchen.

"Here," he handed me a glass of potion, "For your voice."

I gulped it down. It's best not to taste medical potions.

"Thank you, Reg," I said. And it didn't hurt. Or sound like I was being stepped on.

"Don't thank me today, 'Cissa," he said emotionlessly.

"It's not your fault," I insisted.

"Yeah, it is," he said sadly, "I'm sorry you had to go through that. I should've just said yes the first time."

"No," I disagreed, "I didn't want you to be a deatheater. I'm glad you said no."

"But I'm still a deatheater," he hung his head.

"Yeah, but you attempted to not be," I pointed out, "And that counts for something doesn't it?"

"I'm going to have to kill people," he sank onto the coffee table next to Travers, "I'm going to have to torture people. And all I'll be able to see is your face, every time…"

Travers put a hand on Regulus's shoulder, "It gets better with time."

"Time makes it worse," Lucius said under his breath, but I don't think anyone else heard him. He met my eyes and I put my hand on his. A small smile claimed the corner of his lips and his hand wrapped entirely around mine, "It's going to be alright," he whispered again.

"Of course it is," I lied, "It's going to be fine."

* * *

And I woke up, feeling sweaty and dissatisfied as Sirius snored in the bed across the room.

* * *

**_A/N: Don't forget to review!_**


	14. Chocolate cures impending doom

**_A/N: Thanks to my reviewers, you guys are awesome! Sorry this took awhile...and it's not even that long. I tried to make it a little happier than the last chapter, lol. So here we go..._**

"I can't sleep," Sirius's voice woke me.

"Why?" I forced my eyes open.

_Only for Sirius._

His tone was matter-of-fact, "I have this feeling of impending doom."

"_Impending doom_?" I sat up slowly, wondering if this would take long. I wanted to get back to dreaming about him. Reality, I knew, could never be as sweet as my subconscious creations.

"Yes," he said simply and handed me my shoes and socks.

I blinked a few times and let my eyes adjust to the light, "Well, then. Did this feeling specify which particular sort of doom or was it all-encompassing?"

"All-encompassing," he said somberly, hunting through James's trunk.

"I see," I said, staring at my shoes.

_It's four am. Where could he want to go?_

He pulled out James's invisibility cloak, "Want to get something sweet to eat?"

"Like chocolate?" I asked, starting to put on my socks.

"Yes," he smiled.

"Well, for chocolate, alright," I slipped on my shoes and stood.

"Atta boy!" Sirius took me by the hand and pulled me out of the dorm.

* * *

Another clap of thunder. Another pair of cruel, red eyes in the dark.

Lucius had flooed my father who had, in turn, owled Dumbledore. Regulus and I had been "hurried home for a family emergency and would be back at school by breakfast."

So I found myself snuggled into Lucius's and Travers's couch. While a storm raged outside and nightmares plagued my sleep.

_It's fine. It is. Really.. I am not a whimp._

Lightning illuminated the window and I sprang to my feet. On tiptoe, I went off in search of someone braver than I was.

_Not a whimp. Not a whimp. Not a whimp._

I hoped the lump of blankets that I saw first was either Regulus or Travers. But the "oof!" the lump said as I accidentally tripped over it revealed the lump to be Lucius.

_Figures. God hates me. _

I tried to retrace my steps back to the safety of the couch, but lost my balance and fell on top of him. He grabbed me by the wrists instantly, stopping my hasty retreat.

"'Cissa?" he asked groggily, "What are you _doing_?"

He rubbed his eyes and sat up, still holding my wrists firmly in his hands.

Another crash of thunder caused me to jump a foot in the air. A smile flew to his lips as he understood.

"You're scared?" he asked, laughter escaping.

_Not a whimp. Not a whimp. Not a whimp._

"Shut up!" I blushed furiously.

_NOT A WHIMP!_

Another crash had me jumping on top of him again.

"Where's Reg?" I asked impatiently as he laughed at me.

_It's not funny. I just went through a traumatic experience a few hours ago and you're already making fun of me again?!_

A mischievous glint appeared in his eyes, "Why do you need Reg? _I'll_ protect you from the big bad weather."

He lifted his blanket, offering me a place beside him.

_Tempting…bad, Cissa! It will only lead to trouble! Just say no to cute blonde boys offering you their bed!_

"No tha—." I tried, but he was already pulling me under the covers and my body quite simply did not _want _to resist. Heat radiated from him and my skin hurried to be warm, pressing itself against his. He circled his arms around my torso and pressed me tightly to his chest. A sigh escaped as all my goosebumps went away.

"That better?" he asked, smug.

_YES…it's heaven…it's wonderful…it's—STOP!_

"Yes," I told him, snuggling closer.

_Warmth. Lucius. Yum._

But then his lips brushed my forehead.

_What the--?_

I tilted my face up so that I could see his, confused. But, by way of an explanation, Lucius just kissed my lips. I froze. His lips tried mine again and I jerked my head back.

"What are you doing?" I asked, outraged.

_Why must you mess with my head?_

"What?" he asked, honestly confused.

_You're a jerk, that's what._

I sighed, "You are such a slut."

I didn't have enough willpower to move away from him, so I dropped my head to his chest once more and let my eyes threaten to close.

Lucius chuckled, "Is that why you hate me? Because I'm a slut?"

"Yes," I mumbled, beginning to fall asleep.

"But what if I was only a slut for you?" he said softly. Suggestively.

My eyes snapped open and my body tensed, "What if I don't want you to be my slut, Lucius?"

His fingers stroked the curve of my hip, "But you do."

_No, I don't. I don't want a slut, Lucius. I want you to want me, in an entirely exclusive and soulmate sort of way. Anything else won't cut it._

I rolled my eyes, "Shut up and good night."

* * *

In the kitchens with chocolate, I was feeling considerably more awake. And considerably happy that I had Sirius all to myself, but Sirius was preoccupied.

_Must be the impending doom._

"Did you have a good time with Travis?" he asked suddenly.

"I, uh."

_I would've rather been with you._

"You two seemed to hit it off," he mused.

"Well, he's a friendly guy," I shrugged, wishing we could not talk about the friendly guy in question.

"Yeah," Sirius said thoughtfully, "So will there be more dates in the future?"

"I don't know," I said honestly.

"Do you want there to be?" he pressed.

"I don't know," I was beginning to feel very confused on why Sirius was taking such an avid interest in my lovelife.

"You like me better than him though, right?" Sirius asked nervously, "You're not going to go off and be best friends with Travis and forget all about me, are you?"

_He's jealous. But not in a romantic way. Damn!_

"Of course not," I said at once, "You know you're my best friend."

"Good," he seemed to relax.

_Wait a second!_

"You're feeling of doom wasn't about our friendship, was it?" I asked.

"A little," he confessed, "I guess I'm just worried about change, ya know?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I know."

_I wish things would change. I wish you would see me as more than just a friend. I wish, I wish…I wish that wishes actually came true…_

* * *

Dating James Potter was weird. He asked me if I'd eat breakfast with them. I said sure, seeing as I was excessively annoyed with myself for waking up next to Lucius.

_I wish I would have said no._

I could see the Slytherin table from where I sat. Regulus was making faces at me. Severus was looking at me as if I belonged in the head injuries department of St. Mungo's.

_This is fun..not._

Remus and Sirius both had circles under their eyes. I wondered what they had been up to last night.

_Hopefully, for Remus's sake, it was scandalous._

James held my hand under the table. So I tried to eat with my left hand. It didn't work. I accidentally flung a piece of cereal onto Sirius's forehead. I tensed, waiting for the explosion, but to my surprise, he laughed and said, "James, I think she needs her hand back."

_Well, isn't cousin Sirius in a good mood? I bet it _was _scandalous._

James laughed too, "Sorry 'bout that. You could've just said…"

I blushed, unsure and uncomfortable with these people. Remus smiled at me kindly and I gave him a completely helpless look in return.

Remus chuckled, "We don't bite, 'Cissa."

"Well, not hard," Sirius amended with a playful nudge in Remus's ribs.

_Squee. It was scandalous._

"And even then, we've all had our shots," Remus grinned at Sirius.

"So it will only sting for a second--." Sirius smiled playfully back.

"But then you'll be fine," Remus finished.

"Um, ok?" I said weakly.

**_A/N: Don't forget to review!_**


	15. Cliches and other horrors

**_A/N: UCKPA'S QUESTION:The end is not going to be happy for everyone, I'm sorry to say. But you have to realize that I'm totally devoted to the canon. So Regulus is going to die. So is James. Sirius is going to Azkaban and Remus will be all alone. So, that's the end. It's all in the books…but is it angst? I wouldn't…well, maybe a bit. There will be a little twist to it, of course, but we do all know how these characters end up. I assure you that no one will be jumping for joy. But it will end on a happy note, promise. )Thanks for the concrit. It wasn't an ESSENTIAL chapter, but it does show that Sirius is starting to get jealous. A bit. Ok, it was mostly because there's going to be a lot of drama very soon. It was the calm before the storm! _**

**_Also, if you recognize some of the dialogue from my origstory Alice in Reality, that's because the beginning of that one was originally written for this story and I just twisted it to fit AiR because I liked the dialogue so much that I wanted to use it for something totally mine. )_**

**_Now, I do believe you requested action, so here we go…_**

One month. Four weeks. Thirty-one days. Where did it all go? Well, I suppose it could have slipped by while I was kissing James in the library or going on walks around the lake. It could have passed while he taught me how to skip rocks and I showed him how to beat anyone at Gobstones.

Or maybe it was the complete and total lack of stress that not hearing from Lucius Malfoy blesses me with. Regulus seemed happier too, not as worried about Travers since he hadn't seen him.

_Those two boys certainly do add a lot of drama to our lives._

Whatever it was, time had passed. And I was still dating James, though Lucius was nowhere to annoy. I wasn't sure why I was leading him on. It did not make much sense. I wasn't going to marry him.

_Though he is pureblood and wealthy…_

So why did I hold his hand and allow him to carry my books? I hate to confess that it was because I liked it. I liked being a normal girl with a normal boyfriend.

And Sirius was being nice to me. And I wasn't ready to let that go. Not to mention my new friend Remus. He was really beginning to grow on me. Even that other kid, Peter, was starting to become endearing. I dated James because I wanted to be a part of their click. It's as simple as that.

_And, besides, James is nice. There's no reason to break-up, so why do it?_

Valentines Day was next week. Next Saturday. And Bella was born on the thirteenth. So her birthday was naturally to be celebrated with a Valentines ball and dinner.

And for the first time ever, I was bringing a date. I told father this matter-of-factly. He seemed surprised that it wasn't Lucius, but no matter.

James wasn't thrilled with the idea of spending a Saturday night at the place Sirius had just ran from. But I promised him that it would be worth his time. He caught the innuendo and was suddenly not as martyred as before.

* * *

Thirty-one days. Four weeks. One month. And Sirius and I were still exactly the same. Friends. And nothing more.

_But oh how I want to be more._

School continued in all its monotony. And James continued to date Narcissa.

Sirius had asked him why.

Though anyone could see that Lily Evans was going insane. She couldn't understand how James could get over her so quickly after all his years of devotion. She missed him. Also, she couldn't see how he had caught the attention of Narcissa Black.

That in itself mystified the students of Hogwarts. It made James quite a few enemies.

So sitting in potions with the other sixth year Slytherins, it was not surprising when Rabastan walked to our table.

"Potter," his lip curled in blatant disgust.

"Oh Strange One?" James smirked in response.

"I'd like a word with you if you don't mind," he said as if he were entitled to James's time.

_This is going to be good._

"I believe you've already had one," James smiled innocently and continued to work on the potion he was brewing.

"I want you stay away from Miss Black," Rabastan demanded.

Sirius moved closer to James at Rabastan's hostile tone.

"Why would I do a silly thing like that?" James asked, still working away.

"Because I can make your life hell," Rabastan said simply.

Lily had noticed the argument and James was not unaware.

He drew himself to full-height and told Rabastan, "You don't have any say over who Narcissa dates. Her love life is her decision and if she wants me, then I'm not going to tell her no. I'd be completely crazy to turn down utter perfection. So please, spare me your whining. I'm trying to work."

Lily frowned and turned away.

_His plan can't be WORKING, can it?!_

Rabastan scowled, "I'd be careful if I were you."

"And I'd commit suicide if I were you," Sirius jumped in, "Have a nice day."

Rabastan realized that he should probably leave and did so.

I seized the opportunity to whisper, "James, maybe this prank is more drama than it's worth. You should just call it off."

James rolled his eyes, "Moony, Moony, Moony. You worry too much."

_No, I think I worry just the right amount._

* * *

Regulus and I sat in Arithmancy. The teacher lectured straight from the text and so we were left to amuse ourselves.

"So, Bella's getting older," Regulus said conversationally, "And still unmarried…"

I nodded, "I think we're going to have to face the facts that my sister is a shrew."

He chuckled, "That she is."

"Do you think father would be pissed if we just skipped?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes," Regulus said at once, "And my own father would skin me alive."

I grimaced because I knew he wasn't exaggerating, "Why don't we just run away? Sirius is happy…"

He sighed, "Well, first, we're underage."

"Second, we're masochistic," I sighed too.

"Third, Bella would kill you," Regulus added.

"Fourth, Kreacher would cry," I smiled at him.

"Fifth…" he trailed off, "I've got nothing."

I laughed, "So, when we're seventeen?"

"Deal," he grinned, "That is, if you aren't married."

"Whom would I marry?" I laughed again, unable to think of anyone.

He raised his eyebrows, "Lucius, maybe?"

"I'd rather not," I said sweetly, "And I'm sure he'd rather not as well."

Regulus rolled his eyes, "He offered to be your slut, Cissa."

"No," I shook my head, "It was a rhetorical question meant to drive me insane."

"That, Cissa, I doubt."

* * *

Lily approached Sirius and me in the common room after James had left to meet up with Narcissa. She seemed uneasy and unsure.

"Hi," she plopped on the couch next to me.

"Hi," I said back.

_Why she is here? She can't stand us by association…oh god. James's plan is working…_

"So James is dating Narcissa Black?" she asked.

_Direct, to the point…that's good, I guess._

"Yes," Sirius said, "But I thought you'd be glad that his attention was diverted."

"I thought so too," she said honestly.

_NO! This awful, horrible, inhumane plan can't be working. It'd be wrong._

"Did I do something?" she asked, "Did I say something? He can't have just woken up one day and…could he?"

Sirius sighed, "Do you really want to know?"

"Yes," she said at once.

"Why?" I cut in, "I thought that you couldn't stand him."

"Well, it turns out that I miss him," she hung her head, "I think, I just never saw him as a person until he stopped chasing me. And today, what he said to Rabastan, I wish I had a boyfriend like that."

Sirius bit his lip and shot me a panicked look.

_What does he want me to do? This is James's mess!_

"Am I too late?" Lily asked, "Should I just forget about it?"

"No!" Sirius and I said at once.

_As horrible as his stupid plan is, I can't let the love of his life forget about him. Even if he deserves it._

"He was just trying to distract himself from the constant disappointment of your apparent distaste for his existence!" Sirius lied through his teeth.

"He still loves you," I added, "He was just trying to move on with his life."

"But don't write him off," Sirius pleaded.

She laughed, "Okay, okay. I won't. But I'm not going to wait around while he dates some plastic Slytherin…I know she's your cousin, Sirius, but…"

"I understand," Sirius laughed.

* * *

James and I sat on the wall on the roof of the Astronomy Tower.

"I really like you, Narcissa," he told me.

"I like you too," I answered.

_Liar._

"This month has been the best this year," he continued.

"I know. It was amazing," I smiled.

_You are so burning in hell._

"I just wanted to ask you…if you'd wear my quidditch sweater?" he removed his sweater and offered it to me.

_Oh good god._

"Wow. I, uh, yes," I said awkwardly.

"Thank god. I thought you'd say no," he chuckled.

"Why would I do that?" I asked innocently.

_Can he tell that I don't really like him as much as he likes me? That I can't stop thinking about Lucius? That all I really want is to be friends?  
_  
"It's just such a cliché," he shrugged.

"True. But it's sweet, James. And that trumps cliché," I told him honestly.

_After all, I would've killed to wear Lucius's Quidditch sweater back in the day._

"Good to know," he said and put an arm around me.

* * *

"James," Sirius bit his lip, "I've got news."

"Me too," he smiled, "Legs has agreed to wear my Quidditch sweater."

"Congrats," Sirius said, "But, uh, Lily talked to us."

He was all attention now, "She did? What did she say? Did she mention me?"

Sirius shot a helpless look at me.

"She, uh," I swallowed, "Wants to give you a chance, but she's not going to wait around for you."

"Really?" his expression was jubilant.

"Yeah," Sirius grinned, "She's totally mad for you."

_Maybe an exaggeration, but oh well._

"So, I'll go to this ball-thing with Legs, 'cause I did promise, and then call it quits," he decided.

"I'd call it quits before," Sirius laughed, "Balls are tiresome."

"I promised her I'd go," James shrugged, "It's important to her."

* * *

As soon as I entered the common room, I took off the sweater. Regulus stole it from my hands and laughed.

"He gave you his sweater?" he teased, "You two must be getting serious!"

I rolled my eyes, "_Sirius_ has nothing to do with it."

He paused, "Not funny."

"No," I mused, "But it was worth a shot."

There was a pause in which Regulus suddenly grew anxious. I took out a box of icemice and started to suck on some.

"I have something to tell you," he said nervously, "I've been thinking about it for awhile. Debating it, actually. Ever since I stumbled in on Traver's fantasies."

I turned to him, curious.

"I, uh, am not sure if this is the right thing to do," he gulped, "But, I, uh, thought that you should know. Because even though I didn't want to know about what Travers thinks about me, I'm glad that I do know and I'm not…oblivious to his feelings. I don't know if you'd feel the same, but I really think I should tell you. I'm not used to keeping things from you and…this is going to ruin everything."

"Reg," I rolled my eyes, "I'm sure it isn't that bad."

"Yeah," he nodded, "It is. And please know that I don't expect anything to happen. I just thought that you should know that I love you."

_I already knew that._

"Oh, um, that's nice. I love icemice. Want some?" I offered him the box.

"No…I meant, I _love _you," he tried again.

_I know, Reg._

"Like french-fry love?" I asked blankly.

"No, like human to human love," he said.

_Yes, that's what I meant._

"I love you too. Like Travis. What would I do without you guys?" I asked, starting to realize that there was something that I wasn't getting.

"No, not like Travis," he winced slightly.

"Like…Bella?" I asked for lack of a better example.

"No…" Regulus bit his lip.

"Sirius?" I tried.

"No…I love you as in I want to fuck you," he said slowly.

_Excuse me? Regulus, you're not supposed to think that way about me! I'm your best friend, your Cissa…how could you love me like that??_

"Oh. Well, you should have been more clear," I gulped.

"Do you have something to say back this time?" he asked skeptically.

"Um…I don't love my icemice like you love me," I said lightly.

"Good to know," he chuckled.

"I thought so."

* * *

I found it hard to fall asleep that night. Guilt rested heavily on my stomach.

Lily and James were finally going to get together, but he would hurt Narcissa in the process. It didn't seem right. This past month, getting to be her friend, had been wonderful. I liked her. And she was never going to speak to us again.

* * *

That night, it was hard to sleep.

_I love you._

Three little words could ruin so much.

_I love you as in I want to fuck you._

He said that he didn't want anything, that he just thought that I deserved to know. But it still changed everything.

He was ashamed of his feelings, but he couldn't deny their existence. He didn't want Travers because all he could think about was me.

_How did it end up like this?_

My Regulus was hurting and I could do nothing to make his agony better. Well, there were things I could do…but my heart wouldn't be in it. I suddenly understood exactly how he felt about Travers—affection without lust. And there was nothing to be done about it.

It's odd that incest didn't faze me. If I could've forced myself to do it, I would've kissed Regulus on the spot because I knew that, deep down, that's what he wanted. But I couldn't. And he understood that.

I sincerely wished that he would've just kept his mouth shut.

* * *

**_A/N: Don't forget to review!_**


	16. Smashing and Jealousy

_**A/N: **_

_**Why Regulus said what he said the way he said it: it's the definitional difference between their feelings. He couldn't kiss her because Regulus simply wouldn't do something like that. Lucius would. But not Reggie. He would never invade her space like that as he was confessing what he knew to be unreciprocated feelings. He loves her too much. And, well, Reggie is boy who will always depend on words. He's verbal. Not physical. Very unlike Lucius.**_

_**Sorry it's been so very long, but my internet broke. Then, I'm in the middle of midterms and all that FUN time-consuming stuff. Not to mention the election (YAY OBAMA!) and Halloween. But, at last. Here it is. **_

I didn't sit with James at breakfast. A sane person might have avoided Regulus, but I couldn't…even if my instincts screamed at me to run in the opposite direction.

But my love for him and concern for his distress pulled me to him with an unassailable force.

He was my best friend, my soul mate. And I needed him to be happy, now that I knew that he wasn't.

He watched me watching him, with careful eyes.

"I'm alright, Cissa," he told me firmly, "I didn't tell you because I wanted you to fix it. I told you because you deserved to know."

_What did I do to deserve that?_

He chuckled at my thought, "I am sorry."

_Sorry_ _doesn't change anything_.

"I know," he hung his head.

"Oh don't be such a martyr!" I snapped.

He looked up at me, alarmed. And I thought as loudly as I could, screaming at him.

_I LOVE YOUR FREAKING GUTS, REGGIE. YOU OBVIOUSLY DIDN'T CHOOSE TO FEEL THIS WAY AND I'M NOT GOING TO RESENT YOU FOR IT. I LOVE YOU. WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT THAT?_

* * *

Lily Evans invaded our breakfast table. And I began to fear the worst.

"You're not sitting with Narcissa today," she said to James, sounding pleased.

"No," James said, eating a spoonful of cereal, "She's worried about Regulus."

"What's wrong with him?" Sirius asked immediately.

"She wouldn't say," James bit his lip and glanced over at the Slytherin table, "But she looks worried."

"So she kicked you out?" Sirius chuckled.

"In a manner of speaking, yes," James laughed too.

"Well, this is odd," I looked around at the five of us—James's fantasies in reality.

"But nice," Lily interjected.

"Yeah," I admitted, feeling slightly guilty, "It is nice."

* * *

Walking into our mansion, with my arm securely in James's, I was beginning to think that maybe this whole being-James-Potter's-girl ordeal wasn't bad at all. In fact, I was beginning to realize that I would be quite content if this were permanent. Sure, I might have a stray thought about a certain Malfoy every once in a while, but I could fight those off.

_Oh god, I like him. I like James Potter. What is wrong with me? Honestly!_

I liked his friends and his world. And he did look rather dashing in dress robes.

_But never as dashing as Lucius…_

"So this is where you live?" he asked quietly, looking around at all the ostentatious decorations.

"Yes," I said just as quietly, "Do you like it?"

His expression was comical, "It's, uh--."

I laughed, "It's rather archaic, don't you think? Malfoy Manor is so much more elegant."

He looked relieved that he didn't have to compliment the architecture, "Archaic, yeah."

Regulus appeared in front of us and my heart stopped for a split second.

"_I love you."_

"Hey you two," he said, slightly awkward, "I, uh…"

_Why couldn't he have kept his mouth shut? Everything is so forced now. Did he really have to use those words? I love you as in I want to fuck you? Though I suppose, really, that's the only definitional difference between our feelings. Because I do love Regulus more than anyone else. I love him unconditionally, irrevocably, till death and through eternity. I just love him separate from one unassailable difference in our feelings. Lust ruins everything._

"Reggie," I tried not to sound so artificial, "After an hour or so, we should show James a real party."

"A real party?" James's eyebrows shot up.

"Yeah," Regulus relaxed just slightly, "We ditch and go have some fun…"

"So around nine-thirty, let's," I said at once.

"It's a plan," he grinned, and for a second was my normal Regulus.

After he left, James turned to me, "Are you two okay?"

His expression was genuinely concerned and I felt a warm gush of affection toward him.

I sighed, "We're having a rough patch, but we'll be fine in a few days. I hope."

"I hope so too," he said, looking troubled, "You two are really…"

"Soulmates," I finished for him.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he offered.

I shook my head, "Not here. Not now."

_And not with you. No offense. But this type of stuff I talk to Reggie—oh. I can't talk to Reggie about this. Shit._

"C'mon," I tugged him farther into the house, "Let's go see where Auntie seated us."

"And this Auntie is Sirius's mother?" he asked curiously, following me into the dining room.

"Yes," I said, before whispering, "And I feel obligated to tell you that whatever Sirius said about her—he wasn't exaggerating."

He chuckled, "You're scaring me, 'Cissa."

"I can't let you have dinner with our family without forewarning," I said incredulously, "You need to know who your friends are."

"And who are my friends?" he smiled.

"Me, obviously," I said, voice low, "And Regulus. Lucius and Travis; I realize that Lucius gave you a hard time before, but I've yelled at him sufficiently. And that's it. Oh, and the house elves are nice."

"The house elves?" he asked skeptically.

"Yes," I leaned closer to him and said even quieter, "They get us the fire-whiskey for the after party."

A disgusting flirtatious smile appeared on my lips and I quickly backed up a step.

"I see," he said thoughtfully, "Who knew that Narcissa Black was such a rebel."

I giggled, "The things that the vast majority of Hogwarts doesn't know about Narcissa Black could fill a textbook."

"Is this a textbook I'll be privileged enough to read?" he asked.

"Maybe," I smiled, "C'mon, let's go find our place cards."

The dining room had quite a few tables, but our seats were easy to find. We sat at the center table, the table that the birthday girl would be occupying. Bellatrix would sit to my left, and Lucius to her left, then Travers, then Rudolphus Lestrange, and the spawn of all scum, Rabastan. Last was Regulus, who dutifully sat between Rabastan and James.

_Sitting next to Lucius, is she? I wonder if Bella had a say in the seating chart?_

This was a normal seating arrangement for dinners. We were really the only people in our age group that got invited to these things, and who wants to discuss politics with balding men?

It wasn't long before everyone took his or her seats. Lucius looked very well in his dress robes.

_I'm just saying…_

"Good evening Miss Black," he told me with a heart-stopping smile, "And you too—Mr. uh, Potter?"

"Lucius," Bellatrix appeared instantly, "How nice to see you!"

His expression became strained, "Nice to see you again, Miss Black, and a very happy birthday to you."

"Thank you," she said at once, "You're too kind. And Travis is here as well?"

"Hi Bella," his voice was flat, "Happy birthday."

_They seem so pleased to be here._

Bella noticed this and turned to me, "Cissy darling, I don't believe I know your date."

"This is James Potter," I said at once, "James, this is my sister, Bellatrix."

"Pleased to meet you," he said.

"Likewise," she turned back to Lucius, bored with us already.

"Friend or foe?" James whispered in my ear with a nod at Bellatrix.

"Definitely foe," I whispered back, "Just smile and nod when she's around while trying to make a graceful escape."

He chuckled, "Okay, 'Cissa."

"So how've you been?" Travers was asking Regulus, "Anything new and exciting?"

"Not really," he said, "Just school and whatnot…"

Lucius was in forced conversation with Bella, "No, I'm not really seeing anyone at the moment."

"Really?" she seemed pleased.

_Seemed? Heck yes, she was pleased._

"But there is this girl," Lucius said slowly, "Who I'm very interested in. I just don't know how to make her see it."

_Ah, the lies he tells to get away from her affections._

"Oh, really?" disappointment leaked through her tone, "Do I know her?"

_Don't tell her names, the person will die!_

"Yes," Lucius said without missing a beat, "But I'm not saying who she is. Right now, I'm too much of a coward."

He caught my gaze and winked.

It was then that the house elves brought the food.

* * *

James was gone for the night. Peter was easy to ditch. I could possibly have Sirius all to myself. It brightened my day, at the very least.

"Do you want to play some chess tonight?" I asked him.

"Oh, I've got a date," he sounded apologetic.

_Date. Oh._

"Some other time?" he asked offhandedly, "Maybe tomorrow after breakfast?"

"Yeah, sure," I hid my disappointment, "So who're you going out with?"  
He paused, deep in thought, "Some Hufflepuff. Raven or Rhonda or Ronnie. Something that begins with an R."

I snorted, "I'm sure she'd be pleased to know that you can't be bothered to learn her name."

"That's why god invented pronouns," Sirius said matter-of-factly.

"Oh, I see," I rolled my eyes.

"Well," he started towards the door, "I guess I'll see you later."

"I guess," I agreed. As the door clicked behind him, I turned to Peter and said dully, "Wanna play some chess?"

* * *

My skin radiated a comfortable warmth.

_I might've had too much firewhiskey_.

I rested my head on James's shoulder, letting him support my weight.

_But all I really wanted was the image of Lucius and Bellatrix dancing out of my head._

So I drank more whiskey.

Regulus was watching me, worried.

_When will Reggie stop worrying and DO something? Why does he have to be so…unbearably considerate?_

James seemed happy at my physical attention.

Lucius and Bella sat in the corner, Lucius being his charming self.

_It's all my fault. All my fault._

_If only I had been nice._

_If only I had asked him to kiss me._

_He might be trying to seduce me instead of her._

I watched them and gulped more liquid-relief.

_He's touching her. WHY HER? Anyone under the stars but Bella. Please, Lucius. I thought you hated her. Are you that desperate for some action?_

And Regulus watched me watching them.

As Travers watched him watching me.

_God. We're a pathetic group._

Unable to stand it any longer, I tried to stand up. Tried being the operative word.

_Damn it._

James caught me as I stumbled. Lucius looked over at us, finally looking away from my desperate spinster sister.

"Are you alright, 'Cissa?" he asked, stealing Regulus's nickname for me.

_At least it wasn't Miss Cissy._

"'m fine," I slurred.

Before I knew what was happening, he was next to me, trying to tug me from James's arms.

But James's didn't let go, "I've got her, Lucius."

_But I want Lucius._

Lucius stepped back and I felt a surge of disappointment, "Ah, yes. I suppose you do."

* * *

_Why did Sirius have to be so straight? Why can't I be straight? Why can't he just love me too, like in some cheesy romance novel? I'm in the mood for a cheesy fluff instead of reality. Give me roses and chocolate…definitely chocolate._

"Checkmate," I sighed.

Peter glared at the bored, "I really hate chess."

"That would be because you suck at it," I shrugged, "Want to play something else?"

"Gobstones?" he asked.

I shook my head, "What about Exploding Snap?"

"We could always do homework," he suggested.

I wrinkled my nose, "It's just not as fun to do homework without Sirius's melodramatics."

Peter rolled his eyes, "I suppose he wouldn't even do his if you didn't do it with him."

"Probably not," I admitted.

"Wanna play a muggle game?" he asked, pulling out some parchment.

"Which one?" I asked, thinking of the very few we had learned in muggle studies.

"I learned one the other day from my cousin called MASH," he said, "It's very stupid, but very entertaining."

"How do we play?" I asked, just as Sirius ambled through the portrait hole.

"Back already?" I asked as he slumped onto the couch next to me.

"Yes," he sighed, "Whatshername was very upset that I didn't know her name."

"Told you she would be," I laughed.

_Yay, Sirius is back!_

"What are you two up to?" he asked.

"Peter's teaching me a game," I shrugged, "Something to do with smashing."

"Smashing?" Sirius asked, "Okay, I'm in."

Peter laughed, "It's really just a way to pass the time. It's kind of a word game to figure out who you're going to marry."

"How reliable are these answers?" Sirius snorted.

"Not at all," Peter laughed too, "But first we have to decide who we're 'MASHing'."

"Remus," Sirius said at once.

"What?" I asked, alarmed, "Why not you?"

Sirius grinned at me, "What, are you scared?"  
"No," I lied.

"First," Peter said, "We list the name of potential spouses. We each pick one for Remus. You're supposed to pick one person he likes, one person he doesn't, and one person who's here."

They turned expectantly at me. I blushed, "I, uh, don't know."

"I'll pick for you," Sirius said at once, "Travis, of course. And Amos Diggory, because he's a fox."

Peter wrote the names on his piece of parchment, "And I pick Sirius, but because I'm certainly not writing myself down—no offense, Remus."

"None taken," I blushed, completely mortified.

_What if I got Sirius? What if I didn't?_

Sirius noted my blush and became instantly predatory, inching closer to make me uncomfortable, "I think I'm your best option, Moony, don't you?"

"I don't know," I tried to sound off-hand, but there was a definite tremble to my voice, "You said so yourself, Amos Diggory is quite a fox."

He laughed, but was looking at me appraisingly.

"What next?" I squirmed under Sirius's gaze.

"Future occupations," Peter said, oblivious to electricity between Sirius and myself, "Again, there should be a good one, a bad one, and a random one."

"A professor," I mumbled.

"So that's your bad one," Sirius winked, and then turned to Peter, "Male stripper."

My hand shot to my mouth, barely silencing a protesting yelp.

"Exciting, huh?" he said, barely managing to keep a straight face, "We all know that's where you're heading Moony."

I sunk deeper into the couch.

"And, uh," Peter thought for a second, "A chocolateer."

"Like Willy Wonka?" I asked, forgetting my embarrassment to recall a muggle studies lesson.

_That 'movie' had been such a tease…a heaven on earth…_

Sirius laughed, "Yes, like Willy Wonka. You're so easy to please."

"Now," Peter said, "We pick the place he's going to live."

"The chocolate factory," I said at once, "If I'm going to be a chocolateer…"

They laughed, but Peter wrote it down.

"The Forbidden Forest," Peter suggested and wrote it down.

"With me!" Sirius said suddenly, "In my apartment, duh!"

_Live with Sirius? Now THAT sounds perfect…_

"This is where muggles put types of cars," Peter shrugged, "So I'm not sure…how about a pet?"

"A niffler! A blast ended skrewt!" Sirius suggested, "A hippogryff!"

Peter hastily scribbled them down before turning to me, "Now, after I say go, you have to tell me when to stop."

"Okay…"

"GO!"

I waited half a second before saying, "Stop?"

Then, Peter did some magic on the paper and began to cross out things and count things…it was all very confusing, but soon, he had my "future."

When at last he looked up, he was chuckling, "Do you want to know?"

"Uh," I stammered as Sirius said, "YES!"

"Okay," he took a breath, "You will have a pet niffler and live in a chocolate factory. You're future profession is a male stripper…and you will be married to…" he trailed off, laughing.

"Hurry up!" Sirius said impatiently.

"You're marrying Sirius Black," he said between spurts of laughter.

_So how reliable is this? I'm not sure about the stripper part, but the rest doesn't sound too bad…_

Sirius grinned and turned to me.

I'm sure I was redder than a tomato.

"We get to live in a chocolate factory, Moony!" he said excitedly.

I tried to keep my voice calm, "Hey, just 'cause we're married, it doesn't mean that I'm sharing my chocolate."

He mock pouted, "Don't you love me? If we're married, you'd better love me."

I rolled my eyes, "Love and chocolate are two separate things, Padfoot."

"I see how it is," he sniffed, "I'd share my chocolate with _you_."

"No wonder I married you," I teased.

_This is horrible. And wonderful. And really horrible. I want this to be real. More than anything. _

He smiled, "Well how could you resist?"

"I know, I mean you know my name and everything," I grinned back.

"Soulmates," he decided, mock-seriously.

"Definitely," I agreed. Though _I _meant it.

* * *

I kissed James softly, "Thank you. For coming tonight."

"It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," he confessed.

Regulus stood a foot away from us, watching.

"Well, that's good," I said, "So, tomorrow then?"

He nodded, "The Three Broomsticks, for lunch."

"And Reg and I are meeting Lucius and Travis for breakfast…so around one o'clock then?" I asked, trying to plan tomorrow's Hogsmeade trip in my head. And failing.

"Yep," he said, "I'll see you then."

"I can't wait," I said—more honestly than I had in the past.

"Neither can I," he kissed me.

Regulus cleared his throat and we broke apart.

"Good night," I told him and inched towards Regulus.

"Good night," he said and headed in the direction of his common room.

"Reg," I sighed, "Must you hover?"

"When you're under the influence of two bottles of firewhiskey? Yes." He took my hand in his protectively.

"Did I drink that much?" I giggled.

"Yes," he didn't laugh, "Are you alright, 'Cissa?"

"Peachy perfect," I said as I tripped over my own feet.

"Careful there," he said dryly, "There's floor under your feet."

"I'm not that drunk," I protested.

He snorted, "How many fingers am I holding up?"

He held up four fingers.

"Four," I said.

"Two," he told me, "C'mon, bed for you."

And Regulus steered me back to our common room.

* * *

After James returned from his date with Narcissa, I decided to get some sleep. Utter mortification is rather exhausting.

"I'm going up to bed," I told them and stood.

Sirius stood too, and grabbed my hands, keeping me from walking up the stairs.

"What, Sirius?" I asked, exasperated.

"Good night, honey," he grinned and then before I could blink, kissed my cheek, "Pleasant dreams, spousey-poo."

_Did he really just do that? I'm never washing my cheek again…those perfect lips…he just…yum._

My mouth opened and shut several times before I could get the words out, incredulous, "Spousey-poo?!"

He laughed, "Would you prefer 'sweetie'? Or 'darling' perhaps?"

I blushed crimson, but had to play along. If I didn't he would know that I didn't want this to be a game.

"I quite prefer 'honey,'" I told him airily.

"Pleasant dreams, honey," he amended.

I rolled my eyes, "Will you be normal tomorrow?"

"Am I ever normal?" he asked, shocked.

I sighed, "Good point, Padfoot."

James was looking rather confused, "Are you and Remus, uh—."

"We're married," Sirius turned to him, "Peter's piece of paper said so."

"What?" he was even more confused.

"It tells the future," Sirius nodded as Peter briefly explained the game.

James looked excited, "Do you think it will say that Lily and I?"

"There's only one way to find out!" Sirius bounced back to the couch.

I rolled my eyes, "Good night!"  
And walked up the stairs to the dormitory.

**_A/N: Don't forget to review…_**

_**PS—This was written assuming that everyone already knew how to play MASH, so if you are very confused, I'll explain the game in detail, but I think it's a pretty well-known game…and they aren't odd for playing it, show me a guy who doesn't secretly want to play that game and I'll show you a liar. ;)**_


	17. Discoveries

_**A/N: Sorry the past two updates have been so slow. But the semester is almost over so things should speed up. Hopefully. Thank you to my reviewers…updates are always for you guys :)**__** So here we go…**_

Something weird happened while we were walking to Hogsmeade that morning. Sirius caught up with us.

_This is so bizarre. What could he want? God, I hope he and Regulus don't kill each other and get blood on me. I want to stay clean. I have a date. Why do they have to kill each other NOW?_

"Hey," he said awkwardly.

Regulus was looking him as if he had an extra head…or as if he had suddenly stopped speaking to us for a year and then hunted us down randomly on a Saturday morning.

"Hi Sirius," I said, trying to hide my disbelief—and my hope. I missed Sirius. Maybe him being nice to me was a first step to him speaking to us again…

_He did after all go out of his way to find us just now._

"Can I ask you something?" he bit his lip.

"Of course," I shrugged, very unladylike, but it wasn't like there was anyone around to see it.

Regulus was still gaping at his brother.

"I, uh…you're friends with Remus…" he trailed off.

_Oooh. Progress._

"Yes," a hint of a smile took my lips, "That I am."

"Well," he sighed and then spit it out, "Last night, we were playing this muggle game and I was just teasing, but it…The game said that Remus and I were going to get married, so I…"

_Awww…he likes him._

"Spit it out, would you?" Regulus rolled his eyes.

Sirius glared at him and turned back to me, "So when Remus heard the idea of us getting hitched, he blushed. And I, uh, might've gotten a bit carried away with my teasing."

"What did you do?" I demanded, feeling overly protective of my new friend.

"I made him uncomfortable," he shrugged, "I wanted to see how much I could make him blush. Because I hadn't ever considered the thought that Remus could think of me in anything but platonic terms. So I was just wondering if he does, because that would make what I did a little out of line…I kissed his cheek."

He blushed horribly.

I rolled my eyes, highly unimpressed, "So you came to me to see if your best friend finds you attractive?"  
"Does he?" Sirius asked at once.

I sighed, "Like I'd tell you…if you want to know if you have a chance with him, then ask him out."

_That would make Remus happy._

Sirius jumped a foot in the air at my words, "_Ask him out?"_

"Yes," I nodded, "If you're interested…"

"No, no!" he said too quickly, "I just wanted to know so that I could be more careful about his feelings. I wasn't suggesting that supposed feelings were reciprocated."

Regulus snorted, "Your blush begs to differ, brother dear."

Sirius growled, "Shut up."

"Make me," Regulus grinned, wand hand twitching with anticipation.

Sirius rolled his eyes and turned to go, "Whatever. Thanks for your not-help, guys."

"I'm not a guy," I said at once, but he was already walking away.

_I hate being called a guy…_

"So does he like him?" I asked Regulus.

"Totally," he laughed.

We linked arms and continued to Hogsmeade.

* * *

Sirius didn't walk with us to Hogsmeade. He said he wanted to talk to Narcissa.

_Weird. Sirius doesn't especially like her._

So instead it was James, Peter, and I. And James was being perceptive.

"So Sirius's behavior last night didn't bug you, did it?" he asked carefully.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Peter told me that he was all over you," James said awkwardly, "After Peter put his name down. And I saw him kiss you…I was just wondering if that makes you uncomfortable. I could talk to him."

_Yes it made me uncomfortable…but it was a delicious, wonderful uncomfortable that was just me wishing it was real._

"It was a bit…" I trailed off, unsure how to continue.

"I'll talk to him," James decided.

"Don't!" I said at once.

He looked confused.

"Don't make it into a big deal," I pleaded, "Really."

James examined my face for a few seconds before his jaw dropped.

_Umm?_

"You like him," he said. After a moment, he laughed, "You like him!"

And I blushed.

His grin was huge as he clapped me on the shoulder, "You could've told me!"

I shook my head at once, "No."

"Yes," he protested, "You could have."

"You won't tell him, will you?" I bit my lip.

"Of course not!" James said, "But wow, that'd be great if you two…"

I laughed, relieved, "I think we both know Sirius is straight."

* * *

Lucius and Travers were waiting for us.

"Good morning!" Lucius said at once, too chipper for my taste.

Travers was at once next to Regulus, pulling him into conversation about some news article. I waited for Regulus's nod that he didn't need me before I turned to Lucius.

"Hello," I said stiffly, trying to recollect why I was mad at him and failing.

_Oh well, I must've had some reason._

"Don't look so displeased to see me," he pleaded.

_Lucius is awfully cute when he begs. Let's make him do it some more!_

"Well, you owe me an apology," or at least, I assume he did, "And you better make it a damn good one."

His eyebrows shot up, but he said, quite dramatically, "My dearest Narcissa, center of my existence, I anguish in every second of your low-esteem for me. Be my savior; forgive my sins. I need only your redemption."

_That was so cheesey. Heehee. I love Lucius._

I laughed, "Well, if I am indeed your savior, you owe me weekly compliments, songs of my virtues, and ten percent of your income."

It was his turn to laugh, "I am afraid I can't sing very well."

"I guess I can't forgive you," I teased.

He rolled his eyes, but promptly grew serious, "I am sorry that I cause you distress. Can you forgive me?"

I nodded, extremely happy to have him near me.

He smiled and put his arm around my shoulders, steering me farther into town, "So what do you say we walk up to the Shrieking shack?"

* * *

James, Sirius, Peter, and I were walking from Zonkos when a disastrous red head approached us.

"What do you say to grabbing some lunch?" she asked James.

Sirius elbowed me and grinned. I forced a grin back, a massive amount of guilt resting on my stomach.

Obviously, James assented and the two headed off into the Three Broomsticks.

After James had left, Sirius turned to me, "Well what do you want to do, Moony?"

I shrugged.

Sirius sighed, "Me neither."

We both turned expectantly to Peter who said, "What? Like I'm supposed to know how we should all entertain ourselves?"

"Food?" I asked, doubtfully.

"Chocolate?" Sirius improved my idea.

"Honeydukes," I decided.

* * *

I checked my watch and gasped. I was late to meet James at the Three Broomsticks.

"I gotta go!" I told Lucius apologetically.

He grabbed my hand, stopping my retreat, "Don't scurry off so fast. We'll walk you."

And so, as I entered the Three Broomsticks, I was flocked by Regulus, Travers, and Lucius.

And the sight that greeted me was altogether unexpected and undesirable.

James was there with another girl.

Not only was he there with another girl, but they were kissing.

"WHAT THE HELL?"

"Lucius, calm down," Travers voice was controlled.

"WHY THE FUCK IS HE SNOGGING THAT BITCH?" Lucius yelled.

"Lucius, I'm serious. Look at 'cissa. You aren't helping," Regulus demanded, eyes entirely on me.

And I stood, catatonic.

"What is your problem?" I heard James's voice dimly through my stupor.

* * *

Sirius and I walked two steps ahead of Peter as we left Honeydukes. Our hands were full of shopping bags, having blown way too much money on sweets. Sirius opened a packages of their newest type of chocolate and ate a piece.

"This is heavenly," he groaned, "You'll die."

He held out a piece to me, but my hands were full.

"Open up," he pressed the chocolate to my lips.

And well, there are worse things than being fed chocolate by Sirius Black.

* * *

"Regulus. Was James just snogging Lily Evans at the Three Broomsitcks?" I asked after he had gotten me out of there.

"Yes, love," he said with a sigh.

"Did Lucius just kill him?" I asked meekly.

"Scrapes and bruises. Misplaced eyebrows. Possibly removal of a lung. Nothing more than he deserved," he said bitterly.

"It doesn't make sense," It was true. It didn't.

"I'm sorry, love," his eyes were soft as they bore into mine.

"Why did I go out with him again?" I tried to regain composure.  
"Beats me," he chuckled.  
"What are we going to do about this?" my tone was becoming increasingly prim.

"Murder?" he suggested.

"A little extreme," I pressed my lips together thoughtfully.

"Torture," he amended.

"Getting better," I smiled at him.

"I'm not sure what to do, Cissa," he sighed.

"Maybe I should date Lucius," I suggested without zeal.

"Why?" he asked curiously.

"Because that'd wipe the smirk off of his face," and yes, at the time that was the only thing I could think about.

"You know what would be better…" his eyes lit up as he got an idea.

**_A/N: Sorry so short, but my tentative goal is to update tomorrow. Don't forget to review, it will remind me that I want to update :)_**


	18. And I liked it?

**_A/N: I did it! I updated in one day! It helped that this chapter was mostly already written...Thank you readers and reviewers...here you go..._**

Regulus's plan was mean.

_But Reggie's always been the best at revenge_.

And it was, at least, better than murder.

_An eye for an eye after all. But I would do it better._

James had cheated on me with Lily Evans. I couldn't cheat back, as I assume Lucius beating Potter up signaled the end of our relationship.

_Stupid evil horrible Gryffindor_.

I examined my reflection in the mirror, straightening my back and lifting my chin. No slouching today.

_Not that I ever was supposed to slouch, but, hey, I'm a rebel._

My shirt was shorter than usual. My sweater tighter. I traded out my flats for heels. My hair was straighter, my lips shinier. In short, I was how my family wanted me to look every day—to die for beautiful, ready to catch the eye of a future spouse.

_Which is why I generally don't put effort into my appearance, but hey in the name of revenge…_

I'm sure Lucius Malfoy himself would fall over his feet if he saw me.

_Not that he would, he can't exactly wander the halls of Hogwarts._

I wandered down the stairs to Regulus. His jaw dropped, as he looked me up and down.

Oops. Oh well, he can put up with a little torture…

"If we're going to do this, we're going to do it properly," I said, rolling my eyes, "Potter has to know what he gave up."

Regulus blinked a few times before saying, "You're more than just your looks though…"

_Sweet, wonderful Regulus. I wish what you said was true._

"It is," he said.

I rolled my eyes, "So you're saying that I shouldn't be pretty?"

"No," he laughed, "I'm just saying that you didn't have to put on a short skirt to be desirable. You're always desirable."

He blushed slightly, realizing what he had said.

* * *

"So what happened yesterday?" Sirius demanded of James, noting his black eye.

James looked awkwardly at his feet. He hadn't told us anything. He said he'd tell us later. I had my suspicions, but hoped they weren't true.

"Who did it, at least?" Sirius asked, more friendly in his tone.

James bit his lips before saying very slowly, "Lucius Malfoy."

Sirius groaned and put his face in his hands, "Oh god, James. What happened?"

"You know how I went to go hang out with Lily?" he mumbled.

"Yes," we both said in unison, impatient.

"We, uh, got to talking," he continued, "And you know how much I like her. Well, it seemed like she liked me too. So I kissed her. And she kissed me back. And I guess I lost track of reality, because Narcissa walked in for our date and…well, they saw us kissing."

"No…" Sirius groaned again, highly upset.

"I can't believe I did it," James hung his head, "I just…I like Lily so much, I didn't want to let the opportunity pass, but I never wanted to cheat on your cousin."

I snorted.

The two turned to me, shocked.

"The plan all along was to hurt her," I pointed out, "And that's what you did."

James's tone was contrite, "I didn't expect to like her."

* * *

Whispers surrounded me as I entered the Great Hall, head held high and steps sure.

"Woah. Did you see Narcissa Black?"

"Someone's looking fine today…" a rather confident Ravenclaw remarked with a flirtatious grin in my direction.

"Hey there hott stuff," a Hufflepuff leered.

"Legs, looking good," a prefect nodded at me.

"I'll pay you 800 galleons if you'll hop into that broom cupboard with me."

"Shut up Rabastan," I rolled my eyes.

"Well aren't you pretty today,"

I ignored them all, my course set. I tramped to the Gryffindor table. To where Potter sat with his friends…

* * *

Narcissa Black caught every eye when she sauntered into the Great Hall for breakfast that morning. Including mine.

_Especially mine._

I assure you that my heart is Sirius's, but damn could that girl make my hormones soar.

She came straight to us. I dimly worried for James's life.

But then she straddled my lap.

And kissed me, right on the lips.

* * *

Something happened, when my lips met Remus's that I didn't expect: he kissed me back. And I liked it.

* * *

She tasted like strawberry lipgloss. I knew that my friends were probably disgusted, but how could I pass up this opportunity?

Narcissa Black was sitting in my lap, kissing me!

* * *

It was disorienting. Kissing Remus Lupin actually made me dizzy. Not nearly as dizzy and stupid as kissing Lucius, but nevertheless, I wasn't sure that I could pull my lips away.

But at last, I had to. I had to get out of there and sort out my thoughts. Remus was gay, why was he kissing me back?

I left without a word, my mind screaming in horror as I repeated my unaffected stroll out of the Great Hall. Hearing all the comments.

"Did Narcissa Black just do what I thought she did?"

"She kissed Remus Lupin!"

"On the mouth!"

"She sat in his lap!"

"Did you see the look on James' face?"

"Did you see the look on Sirius's face?"

"Hell, did you see that grin on Remus's face?"

* * *

I watched her leave, slightly in a trance. Then the coin dropped. She had kissed me to get back at James.

Who was staring at me in disbelief. I shrugged at him.

"You have a little something…" Sirius reached over with his napkin and wiped her lipgloss from my lips. He gave me an odd look, "Care to explain?"

"I don't know what just happened," I said honestly.

* * *

"I feel like a slut," I told my Regulus in the hall.

"He's gay, hun. He didn't mind," Regulus answered.

_I bed to differ. He kissed me back._

His eyebrows shot up.

"I mauled his face in front of his best friend," I said remorsefully.

"And your cousin," he added.

"And my ex," I continued.

"And half the school," he reminded me.

"Which was the point," I confessed.

"And you looked wonderful doing it," he tried to cheer me up.

"Ah, yes," I smiled a little half grin.

"James looked pissed," he remarked.

"I saw," I laughed.

"Lily didn't like that he looked pissed," he added, grinning.

"Well I didn't like him cheating on me. It proves I meant something to him, at least," I sighed.

"Yep, as much as he'll deny it, James Potter liked that you were his girl," Regulus shrugged.

"Was this really low?" I asked quietly.

"Not as low as this…" he said, just as quietly before leaning in to kiss me lightly on the lips.

"Reg. You know I can't," I took a step back, ignoring my warming skin.

"I'm sorry," he said contritely.

"I do love you," I told him honestly.

"You just don't want to snog me," he laughed.

"That's the distinction," I sighed.

"Sucks," he put his hands in his pockets and looked at the floor.

"Maybe if you got me liquored up…" I suggested, horribly seriously.

"Hun, I'd never," his eyes flicked back up to mine, worried about me.

"I know. I love you," I told him again.

"Love you too," he replied.

"Do you really think about screwing me sometimes?" I asked curiously.

"Yes," he sighed, hating to admit it. But Reg would never lie to me.

"Hmmm…interesting," I thought this over.

"Not really. I'm just a messed up kid, drawn to incest with my best friend," he told me.

"Like I said, interesting. I almost want to…but I couldn't mess with your feelings like that," I considered the many possibilities.

"Appreciated," he remarked dryly.

"You're welcome," I replied.

"Do you…find me attractive that way at all?" he asked uncertainly.

"God yes," and that was honest. I'll be the first to admit that Regulus is gorgeous, "But…I don't. You're always Reg to me first. And those feelings don't mix for me."

"Unlike me," he noted.

"You'll find someone," I tried to sound confident.

"Not like you," he said at once, but didn't seem repentant of that one.

"Hell, I don't see what's so bad about Travers. He's hot," I tried to lighten our conversation.

"It's like you and me. The feelings just don't mix for me. I'm straight. I can't help it," he shrugged.

"We're an odd group," I shook my head.

"Yep, full of unrequited love," he agreed.

"Unrequited love is perfect love," I quoted someone from somewhere.

"Whoever came up with that theory has never been in unrequited love," Regulus protested.

"Probably not. It's complete agony," I thought of Lucius.

"Perfect agony maybe…" he suggested.

"But not perfect love," I finished his thought.

"I do love you though," he told me sincerely.

"I know, Reg, I know," I said quietly, feeling very guilty.

"I'm sorry," he told me, voice horribly repentant.

"Stop apologizing," I demanded.

"Sorry," he apologized again.

I hit his arm.

"OW!" he jumped back.

"What did I say?" I asked, teasing.

"Fine. I love you. And I'm not sorry that I do…wait yes I am! It completely sucks ass," he chuckled.

"Then, I'm sorry," I apologized to _him._

"I'll think about accepting…" he looked thoughtful.

"Regulus!" I protested.

"What? My arm hurts!" he laughed.

"Don't be a crybaby!" I rolled my eyes.

He instead gave me the silent treatment.

"Real mature," I huffed.

"You should talk. You resort to violence to solve problems," he teased.

"Shut up," I missed the silent treatment.

"Never!" he laughed.

**_A/N: Don't forget to review...especially as I gave you two chapters in two days, you should totally feel like leaving me a review or two.. :)_**


	19. Misunderstood Behavior

**_A/N: I can't stop writing...so I guess you all can have this bit too..._**

At twilight, Regulus asked if I wanted to go for a walk around the grounds. He was feeling restless, he told me. It was obvious that he was lying, but I knew that Regulus had my best interest at heart and so I went out to walk with him.

His arm stayed linked with mine, keeping me protectively at his side as we entered the forest.

I looked at him, slightly panicked.

"It's alright," he told me, soothingly.

And I trusted him.

We crept on into the trees for about a half an hour. Then we ran into Lucius and Travers.

I heaved a sigh of relief. The ominous situation was not so ominous after all.

"Are you doing alright?" Travers asked me at once.

"Yes," I shrugged.

_Really, I was. I had gotten my revenge and suddenly it all seemed so…yesterday. James had been nice, but I had not been in love with him._

Lucius came closer to me and Regulus released my arm.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Lucius asked me skeptically.

"Yes, I'm fine," I told him, "It wasn't as if I was in love, Lucius."

"You weren't?" he asked, eyes unreadable.

"Of course not," I shrugged.

He smiled, a genuine smile, "Then I guess our plan to cheer you up is kind of pointless."

"Oh! I mean, I'm depressed to the point of suicide," I amended.

He laughed, "Come here."

He took my hand and led me through some more trees to a clearing. With a checked picnic blanket lying under the stars. Regulus and Travers hadn't followed us. I didn't question it, distracted by my joy of having Lucius all to myself.

We sat on the blanket and Lucius conjured a basket of food.

"What is this?" I asked him.

"A picnic," he shrugged, smiling.

"In the woods after dark?" my tone questioned his sanity.

"Yes," he said simply and passed me a pumpkin pasty.

"You're a strange one, Lucius Malfoy," I told him.

We ate in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Lucius said suddenly, "You really didn't love him?"

"No," I said honestly.

"I didn't like you two together," he told me matter-of-factly, "He doesn't deserve you. You're too pretty, too funny, too smart to be with the likes of him."

"Am I now?" I asked doubtfully.

"Of course," he said, happily.

* * *

"I'm not tired," Sirius announced as we sat in our dormitory that evening.

"Great, Sirius," I told him, eyes still on my essay, "That way you can finish your potions homework."

He wrinkled his nose, "But, Moony, there are so many more interesting things to do besides potions homework."

"Like what?" I asked, never stopping my own essay.

"We could…go to the library. You like that, don't you?" he asked.

"It's almost curfew," I burst his bubble, "And I don't really want to break into the library."

"When's the next full moon?" Sirius asked with a sigh.

"Next week," I said with a slight frown.

"We should have made you an animagus too," Sirius suggested, "Then we could go off in the woods whenever we want."

"I quite prefer my human form, thanks," I pushed aside my homework. I had written the same sentence three times anyway.

James was lying in bed, behaving very depressed, "Why don't you two go off and do something? I'm trying to get some homework done."

"Great, I'll go too!" Peter suggested, standing up.

"No Pete!" James said at once with a wink at me, "I need you to help me quiz myself!"

"Alright," he sat down happily.

Oblivious to James's winks, Sirius stood and offered me his hand to help me up. I took it.

"Where shall we go?" he asked.

"Why don't you go to the kitchens or something?" James suggested.

"Too many elves," Sirius wrinkled his nose, "It reminds me of home."

"I know where we can go," I said and walked out of the dorm, Sirius at my heels.

"Where are we going?" he asked immediately.

"Room of requirement," I shrugged.

"Chess?" Sirius guessed, "And comic books?"

Sirius and I had started a tradition in our third year, after we had first discovered that wonderful room, of pulling all-nighters at least twice a year in that room. We always played chess. We always read comics. And we always ended up talking about stuff that we didn't talk to anyone else about. This year, however, it seemed like my best friend Sirius knew the least about me.

* * *

"Cissa," Lucius said quietly, "Have you given anymore thought to the idea of you and me?"

I froze.

"Really," he bit his lip, "I think we should get married in a year or two."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because," he paused, "You're the only girl who wouldn't drive me crazy. You're the only person I could see myself actually committing myself to. Because I'm already committed to your happiness. And your family's not going to ease off the nuptials forever…"

_He didn't even say I love you. _

"Lucius," I sighed, "Can't I hang out with you without a proposal? Can't we just be friends?"

"I just don't want you to end up with Lestrange," he said glumly.

"Why?" I asked again, trying to get him to tell me what the root of his concern for me was. Because I really didn't want him to torture me anymore.

"Because I care about you," he said honestly, "And I meant it when I said our relationship would be exclusive…"

I didn't answer, the goosebumps from that conversation returning.

"Think about it?" he pleaded.

It was then that I broke. The fragile thread that kept me from spilling it all was sliced by his pleading expression. I had to tell him that I still…

I took a breath, "Lucius, I don't want you to marry me out of convenience. I don't want what you're offering. It'd drive me crazy."

"Why?" it was his turn to ask.

I swallowed before turning to face him straight on. Then I leaned in and touched my lips to his for half a second.

"Because I'm still a bit in love with you," I confessed in a whisper.

Lucius stared at me, eyes wide. His lips parted and he started to speak.

But then his hand flew to his left forearm and he yelped in pain. My eyes followed his hand and I saw a tattoo of a skull, with a snake winding out of its mouth.

"Are you okay?" my voice was alarmed.

He nodded, wincing, "Can you find your way back to the castle by yourself?"

_What? You're leaving? Don't you have something to say back?_

"Yes," I said certainly.

His wince was becoming more and more pronounced as he got up and ran to where his broomstick rested against a tree.

"I'm sorry," he called as he flew off over the castle wall and promptly disapparated, midair.

And I sat there. Wondering if that strange occurrence had been his own way of telling me that he did not love me too.

But hadn't I already known that?

* * *

"Are you and Cissa going to be an item now?" Sirius asked me.

"Would you care very much?" I asked, amused.

"Yes," he said, "I would. You're way too good for her, Remus."

"Am I now?" I laughed.

"Yes," he said seriously.

"Well no worries," I told him only slightly bitter, "I doubt she's speaking to any of us at the moment."

_**A/N: Don't forget to click that pretty review button and write me a few words in return…also, I would like your opinions on if Remus and Narcissa should date…it could work either way…**_


	20. A kiss and unwanted information

_**A/N: Thanks for the reviews...I figured I'd better update instead of writing a bunch of oneshots, lol. So here you are. **_

_I was walking down a corridor, walking into the light. I was in shadow, but I could see illumination down the hall and my feet hurried towards it. I needed the light. My world was too dark._

_

* * *

_

The light was blinding me. I needed to escape. I felt exposed, under a microscope for everyone to see all my secrets, my furry little problems. My feet carried me to the only bit of shadow I could see. I wanted to lose myself in darkness, to hide myself from the word.

_

* * *

_

And then there was Remus, coming toward me, out of the light. It surrounded his form, causing him to glow like a creature decending from heaven. My breath caught in my throat and I could only stare. He looked so good…saintlike.

* * *

__

Narcissa was at the edge of the darkness, shrouded in mystery. Her gaze met mine and her lips parted. I couldn't help but remember what those lips felt like on mine…I wanted her to pull me into the dark with her…to take me from this…

_

* * *

_

I wanted him to save me, to take me to the light. I reached towards him…

_

* * *

_

And I reached towards her…

_

* * *

_

I was in his arms, safe and secure. The saintlike Remus had me in a tight hug and I knew the dark could not swallow me anymore.

_

* * *

_

As I felt her skin against mine, I felt the light dim and the microscope to go away. Shadow was what I wanted…shadow was what she would give me…

_

* * *

_

A desire to kiss him pushed itself to the front of my conscious attention. It had felt so nice earlier…

_

* * *

_

I bent my head to meet her searching lips and felt fire up my spine.

_

* * *

_

He kissed me and I lost myself. I wasn't Narcissa Black stuck in a world of wealth, status, and deatheaters…I was no one. It was wonderful.

_

* * *

_

When I kissed her, I wasn't a werewolf, I wasn't Sirius Black's not-as-cute best friend, I wasn't suffering from unrequited love, I was just a boy kissing a girl. I never wanted it to end.

Inevitably, it did. I woke up in a cold sweat and I was Remus Lupin, the bisexual werewolf once more.

* * *

I stared at the ceiling above my bed and wondered how I could dream about kissing my gay friend. I knew he liked Sirius. He didn't like me.

Just like Lucius didn't love me.

* * *

The next morning at breakfast, I was starting to feel the effects of the upcoming full moon. My friends noticed, but as Lily was eating with us, we didn't mention it.

* * *

The next morning at breakfast, Regulus noticed my preoccupation.

"Something wrong?" he asked.

I nodded, "I had an odd dream last night."

"About?" he prompted.

_Kissing Lupin_.

His eyebrows shot up, "Do you like him, then?"

I sighed, "Who knows."

"You seem glum," he accused.

"You seem tired," I countered.

He had dark circles under his eyes and refused to tell me what he had been up to last night.

"Was it something scary?" I asked, while thinking _you were deatheating, weren't you?_

He sighed, "I can't tell you. And you know that."

I mumbled, "I thought you told me everything."

* * *

After breakfast, Sirius walked me to the hospital wing. My body felt so weak that I could barely move. My steps were slow and forced.

"Are you going to be alright?" he asked.

I nodded, "Yeah. Just get someone to sub for me for patrols tonight, please?"

"Of course," Sirius said at once, "Don't you worry about it. I'll make James do it."

"Narcissa would love that," I said sarcastically.

"Point taken," he laughed, "I guess I'll do it then."

"Thank you," I said before my knees gave out and Sirius had to catch me.

His face was dangerously close to mine as he asked, quietly, "Are you okay?"

I didn't answer, trying with all my might to maintain my self-control. His breath tasted like cinnamon toothpaste and oatmeal on my lips. I wanted to close that gap between us…

Sirius wasn't moving either, his eyes locked with mine. His deep, gray eyes that spiraled into his soul…he was watching me watch him.

I swallowed, unsure of what was going on, but not really caring either. It was awkward, but it was a wonderful awkward that I didn't know if I'd ever get back.

Loosing the last bit of restraint, my lips moved to his. Sirius pulled me closer to him for a half second until his eyes snapped open and he jerked away.

I froze, wondering why the hell I had kissed him.

"I, uh…" I trailed off, straightening myself on my own two feet.

Sirius didn't say anything.

"Sorry?" I tried.

He closed his eyes for a second, "I, uh, gotta go. Can you make it to the hospital wing?"

"Yes," I said quietly as he practically ran down the hall, away from me.

* * *

Herbology was hell. The evil professor made us work in groups of three. And Rabastan felt the need to join Regulus and me.

"And how are you, Miss Black?" he asked me.

"I'm okay," I said, trying my best not to have to look at him.

"I heard you and Potter broke up," he said hopefully.

"That's really none of your business," I pointed out, throwing Regulus a save-me look.

"Well, it is. Since we're getting married," he said confidently.

"Since when?" I asked, highly distressed.

"Well, if you won't have Malfoy, I'm your next best option," Rabastan deduced.

"Not true," Regulus cut in at once, "There's always Travis Travers. Or, hell, I'd marry her."

Rabastan snorted, "Like her father would approve."

"Our grandparents were first cousins," Regulus pointed out, "And as I'm the sole heir to the Black family fortune, I doubt there'd be an issue."

_I never thought of that…I should marry Reggie! We'd be set! The sex would be really awkward though… _

I turned to Regulus, eyebrows raised.

_You've thought about this?_

He shrugged, smiling at me.

Rabastan snorted, "That doesn't mean that Narcissa would marry you."

"Care to ask her?" Regulus asked, "Or would you really trust your own judgement of her character over mine?"

Rabastan turned to me, "You're not interested in marrying Regulus, are you?"

_Awkward._

"Of course I am," I told him without missing a beat, "He's one of my top picks. I'd appreciate it if you stopped doubting it."

Regulus and I exchanged glances and we both fought laughter at the expression on Rabastan's face.

"I need to go get the, uh, shears," he excused himself.

Regulus scooted closer to me, our legs touching under the table, "That is an option, you know."

I swallowed, nervous for some reason, "I didn't know, actually."

He met my eyes at hearing the nerves in my voice and said very slowly and quietly, "Of course it's an option. Why would there be any question of it? There's no one I want but you."

I fidgeted.

_Oh god, I love you too much_.

He laughed, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," I crossed my eyes at him.

Rabastan chose that moment to come back, a sneer on his face, "I don't see why you two should be so happy. What with Narcissa already being engaged to Malfoy, there's no hope for you, Regulus. There's no way Malfoy would let her break the engagement for her cousin."

"What?" I turned to Rabastan at once, "Where did you hear that?"

"My parents," he said at once, "When we tried to secure your hand, your father informed us that Malfoy had already made an offer. And he accepted."

"When was this?" I asked immediately.

"The day after your birthday," he said slowly, "You really didn't know?"

"You're lying," I told him, "Lucius would never do that to me."

But Regulus was using legilimency on Rabastan, "He's not."

"What?" I turned instead to Regulus, "What do you mean? Lucius and I aren't engaged! He would've said! I was dating other guys!"  
Regulus sighed, "It seems that Lucius asked for your hand—because your father wasn't going to reconsider marrying you off."

"What?" I asked for the umpteenth time.

"I think you need to talk to Lucius," Regulus shrugged, "Maybe he knows what's going on."

"If I talk to Lucius, I'll murder him," I said honestly.

_Not to mention the last time I talked to him, I told him I loved him…_

"You what?" Regulus asked, alarmed.

I laughed nervously, "Yeah."

_And he ran away_.

"Oh Cissa," he pulled me into a hug.

And feeling like crying, I told my Regulus, "I'm getting married to you, okay? No one else."

"We'll see," he sighed, "Maybe Lucius had a good reason."

"For no telling me that we're engaged?" I asked skeptically and slightly hysteric.

"It does seem doubtful," Regulus admitted.

**_A/N: Don't forget to review..._**


	21. Unexpected Company

**_A/N: Thanks for the reviews, sometimes I'm not sure how I'd survive without you guys! If you haven't, check out the oneshot about Reg's sorting...just because I said so. muahah. Anyway, I figured that I should update while I know I have time. Also, if you have any requests for oneshots, please let me know because I'm very fond of writing them. Now, here we go, onto the story..._**

I walked to patrols, debating how I would handle it. There wasn't a question to if I was attracted to Remus; the more I thought about it, the more that I realized that I wanted him.

Yes, I wanted to marry Regulus, now that I knew that I could.

Yes, I was still a bit in love with Lucius.

But Remus was my friend and I was attracted to him. It was the best of both Regulus and Lucius.

A shadow of what I had with each of them, of course, but sometimes a shadow of the good is a lot easier than taking the bad too.

But as I arrived outside the Great Hall, surprise awaited me. It wasn't Remus, leaning against the wall with a book in hand. It was Sirius.

* * *

When I opened my eyes, a surprise awaited me. Sitting in the chair by my bed in the hospital wing was Regulus Black. He was staring at me with his gray, hollow eyes, so unlike Sirius's. Sirius's eyes were alive and Regulus's were, quite simply, dead, the product of too much occlumency and legilmency.

"Lupin," he acknowledged me.

* * *

"Why are you holding a book?" spilt from my lips before I could stop myself. I don't think I've ever seen Sirius read for pleasure.

Sirius chuckled, looking oddly relieved at my greeting, "Remus requested it. He's sick, stuck in the hospital wing. I'm going to bring it to him after we're done."

I suddenly tensed as I realized what he meant, "You're patrolling with me?"

"Sorry?" he affirmed my suspicions.

I set off in Remus's and my usual route and Sirius quickly fell in step beside me, amused at my irritation. After a minute or so, my irritation wore off and my concern for Remus surfaced.

"What's wrong with him?" I asked.

* * *

"Regulus," I said in return, straightening myself into a sitting position.

He didn't say anything else, looking very distracted. I waited, looking at him curiously.

What does he want? Why would he be here? How did he know I was here? What's going on?

Regulus turned to me after a second, "Do you like Narcissa? And don't play dumb, you know exactly what I mean."

_Yes. Is it obvious? Are you going to kill me now_?

"I, uh…"

Regulus chuckled, "I don't kill people, Lupin."

_You just…you just…_

* * *

Sirius seemed surprised that I was talking to him again, but answered immediately, "The flu."

His eyes screamed that he was lying, but I chose not to call him on it.

_Did Remus just not want to see me after the display at breakfast yesterday?_

"He's not mad at me, is he?" I asked cautiously.

Sirius shook his head, "I don't think so."

"You don't know?" I asked, shocked. Regulus always knew when I was mad at someone. I couldn't even imagine not telling him.

"No," he said, suddenly becoming very distracted, "Hey, why aren't _you_ mad at _me_?"

I shrugged, "Well, being annoyed all the time is rather exhausting. Why? Should I be mad at you? Did you know he was cheating?"

Sirius sighed, "I found out when he came back with a black eye and misplaced eyebrows. It was just the once, Cissa. It wasn't as if he had been doing it the whole time."

"And that's supposed to make it better?" I laughed in disbelief.

"No," he said, "I just don't want you so think that James is scum. Because he's not. And it's really killing him, what he did. You just have to understand that he really loves Lily…"

"Then why did he ask me out?" I asked.

"He wanted to get over her."

_Liar._

"Reg taught me how to tell when people are lying, Sirius. This is the second time in the last five minutes you've told me an outright lie."

* * *

"Does that make you uncomfortable?" he asked, sounding unexpectedly apologetic, "I don't normally think about not using legilmency. It's habit."

_Do you do this all the time?_

He grinned, "It only works with eye contact. Don't worry. I haven't been eavesdropping."

_Okay then. That's good…_

"You're still wondering why I'm here," he laughed, "I just wanted to tell you that I don't approve."

_I wasn't aware I even had a chance. So does it really matter whether you approve or not?_

"And it isn't because of what Potter did, and it isn't because of what you are—."

_You know?_

* * *

He blinked, surprised, "I, uh…sorry, Cissa."

I sighed, "It doesn't really matter Sirius. It's not like we're friends. You've no reason to be honest with me."

"Hey," he said gently, "We're friends."

I laughed, slightly hysteric, "We are? Since when? You moved out and just wrote Reg and I out of your life. You didn't even come to my birthday."

"I wasn't invited," he said, surprised, "Did you want me to come?"

"I told Bella to invite you!" I said, affronted, "You mean she didn't send the invitation?"

"No," he said, "But are you really surprised? Bella hates me."

"Bella hates everyone," I pointed out, "She even hates me."

"That's 'cause of all the times you and Regulus tried to blow her up when we were little," Sirius laughed.

"I was young, should I really still have to hear about this?" I asked, pouting.

"You're just sad because it never worked," he accused, mock-seriously.

"Yeah," I sighed, "Too bad."

_If we had succeeded, Reg would never have become a deatheater. Damn._

* * *

"Of course," he said in bored tones, "It doesn't take a genius to figure out that you go missing the week of every full moon. How do you think I knew where you were?"

_And you don't care?_

His expression became oddly concerned, much like Narcissa's when I told her that I was attracted to Sirius, "Of course I don't care. What sort of bigoted people are in that accursed tower that would make you think that it interferes with your value as a person?"

_Aren't Slytherins supposed to hate half breeds?  
_  
"Don't stereotype us," he snapped, "We're not all Lestranges."

_I'm sorry._

* * *

He smiled and pulled me into a one-armed hug, "If I had gotten the invite, I would have come to your party."

"Thanks, Sirius," I said, hugging him back, "Can we still talk sometimes, even if I'm not dating your best friend?"

He laughed, "Yeah, of course. I do miss you two too."

"You could tell Reg that," I told him somberly, "I bet he'd like to hear it."

* * *

His expression softened, "That's alright. I know that the misconceptions weren't born from thin air…but Cissa and I don't discriminate. We've been around pretentious snobs all of our lives. How could we not know that it's baseless?"

_Then why do you play their games? Why don't you run away like Sirius?_

His expression collapsed for a second before he regained his composure, "You don't think that we want to? Escaping isn't an option for me anymore. And Narcissa won't leave me, no matter how much she should."

_What do you mean?_

"It's nothing," his hand rubbed his left forearm, "Never mind."

* * *

Sirius shook his head, "You let Regulus and me work out our own issues, okay?"

"I don't see what it is that's keeping you two apart," I said.

"You don't have to," he responded, "But maybe someday we'll be able to forgive each other."

"What happened?" I pressed, "Just tell me. I want to know. You two used to be so close…"

He shook his head again, "Not really. You two were always the soul mates."

"Yeah, and you and Andy were the other half of our quartet," I reminded him, "I really miss that."

Sirius sighed, "I'm sorry, Cissa."

We walked in silence for a few minutes before Sirius spoke again.

"I'm thinking about buying a motorcycle," he informed me.

"Really?" I asked, a smile escaping, "Like what the muggles have?"

He nodded, "Yep, an enchanted flying one. Don't you think that sounds the best?"

"Definitely," I agreed, "Will you take me for a ride once you get it?"

"Of course," he said, "It's a plan."

* * *

_So why don't you approve of me then? If it isn't because I'm a_ _werewolf?  
_  
"Because I can see it in your thoughts that you love my brother," he said stiffly, "And if you want to be friends with Cissa, that's one thing, but if you want to lead her on until Sirius finally realizes what's right in front of him, it's a whole different matter."

_I wouldn't do that to her…_

"Yes, you would," he rolled his eyes, "You love him. And love makes people do stupid things."

_Yeah, like kiss your best friend._

He burst out laughing, "Yeah, like that."

* * *

That night, Regulus and I decided that we needed to straighten out my relationship status. I begged Regulus to do the talking while I hid out of sight. I couldn't face him.

Regulus said the address to Lucius's apartment as he stuck his head in the fireplace.

There was no one on the other end.

Regulus waited a second before calling out, "Lucius? Travis? Anyone home?"

Travis appeared a few seconds later, "Hey there, Regulus. What do I owe the pleasure?"

"Hey Travis," Regulus said awkwardly and I saw the back of his ears begin to go red.

_For god's sake, Reggie, if you don't want to know, don't pry into people's thoughts…_

"Is Lucius home?" Regulus asked, "I just wanted to ask him something."

"I'm here," Lucius's head appeared in the fireplace beside Travers, "A Regulus without Narcissa? That's a rare sight indeed."

Regulus jumped on this comment, "Narcissa and I actually heard something today…and we wanted to know if it was true…"

"What'd you hear?" Lucius asked curiously.

"We heard that Cissa was engaged," he said fighting to keep hostility from his tone, "And that she was engaged to you."

"Oh god," Lucius looked very guilty, "Is she there?"

"Maybe," Regulus said noncommittally, "We really just wanted to know."

"Let me talk to her, Regulus," Lucius requested quietly.

Regulus turned to me, eyes questioning.

Lucius saw this and at once said, "Cissa, I know you're there. I'm sorry. It was months ago, at your birthday party. Your father was about to give your hand to Rudolphus Lestrange—I bet Rabastan would've loved that—and I just couldn't let that happen to you…Do you know what happened to his last wife? They found her—or I should say what was left of her—in a muggle garbage receptacle, burnt to a crisp and being gnawed on by rodents. I didn't want that to happen to you. So I asked your father to wait to marry you off, just until you finished school. He wasn't very receptive to that idea. He asked me if I could guarantee him a better match than a Lestrange for you and, well, I wasn't thinking. I just didn't want you to end up as rat food. I said I'd marry you myself in two years. And, well, when I realized what I had done, I figured I'd just have to convince you that marrying me wasn't that bad…"

Regulus was watching me carefully.

"I don't even get a ring?" I asked, trying to absorb this information.

"Would you wear one if I gave it to you?" Lucius asked skeptically—but hopefully.

"No," I said glumly, "Of course not."

"Come into the fire so I can see your face," Lucius pleaded.

"No," I snapped.

"Do you want me to call the engagement off?" he asked.

"Yes," I mumbled.

"Even if it means that you'll be married to Lestrange?" Lucius reminded me.

I groaned and put my face in my hands.

_Hell. Hell. Hell. This is pure hell._

"What if I call off the engagement after Lestrange marries someone else?" he suggested, "We've got time."

Hope swelled inside of me, "You'd do that?"

"Of course," he said, "Please come into the fire."

"No," I said stubbornly, "I'm still upset with you."

"You're always upset with me," he sighed.

"You deserve it," I muttered.

"Cissa and I have homework to do," Regulus cut in.

"Of course," Lucius said, "Study. Get Os. Goodnight, Regulus. Goodnight, Narcissa."

Regulus pulled his head from the fire and turned completely to face me.

"Homework?" I asked blankly.

"Lies," he shrugged.

I hugged him, needing my best friend. He hugged me back immediately, mumbling reassurances that life was going to turn out alright.

* * *

Sirius sank into the chair beside my bed and handed me the book for which I had asked James.

"Hi," he said awkwardly.

"Hi," I responded.

And silence weighted the passing moments.

"What happened earlier…" Sirius said suddenly, "Was it…um…did it have feelings behind it?"

I floundered under his gaze.

"It, uh, wasn't premeditated, if that's what you mean," I found some twisted form of the truth.

He relaxed a little, "So can we forget about it?"

"Do you want to forget about it?" I asked—too quickly and too disappointed.

Sirius stared at me, comprehension dragging his mouth into a frown.

"You don't want to forget about it?" he asked me, slowly.

"That's not what I said," I flustered.

"It's what you meant," he countered at once.

And I didn't know what to say.

**_A/N: Don't forget to review..._**


	22. Finishing that conversation

**_A/N: Okay. I had to finish their conversation because it wouldn't leave me alone. So, yes, this is short. But it's just a mini chapter. Because, yeah. It just needed the rest. _**

Quite suddenly, a big grin filled his face, "You're attracted to me."

He was laughing. Sirius was _laughing_ that I was attracted to him.

I blushed, unable to deny it, "Shut up."

He didn't stop grinning as he did the unthinkable—crawling onto the hospital bed on top of me, straddling my lap and leaning in so that our faces were inches apart.

"I make you nervous," he whispered confidently, watching my frozen face.

He leaned closer, a gleeful expression in his eyes, "I make you blush."

His hand found my chest, "I make your heart beat faster."

He took my hand in his, examining it, "I make your palms sweat."

Goosebumps rose along my arms. He chuckled at this, running a finger along them, wickedly delighted.

"Stop, Sirius," I choked.

"I make you uncomfortable," he said smugly, but sat up straight, giving me slightly more space.

I wasn't sure what to say. I wasn't sure what he was doing, what he was thinking. At least he didn't seem mad. He actually seemed to think the whole thing rather funny.

I think that hurt worse.

Sirius saw my expression change and removed himself from my lap. I was torn between wanting him to come back and wanting him to just leave.

"Are you alright, Remus?" he asked, "I was just teasing…"

"I, uh, don't feel so well," I lied, "Full moon and whatnot. It's nothing. I should get some sleep."

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yeah, Sirius," I forced myself to sound tired, "I just want to get some sleep."

"Okay…" he looked at me with worried eyes, seeming to know that he'd done something wrong.

He reached over to me and very tenderly pushed my hair off my forehead so that he could feel my temperature, something he and James did all too often this time of the month. I think it made them feel useful. But really, we all knew it wasn't a normal fever.

"Sleep well," he said softly before leaving the hospital wing.

I watched him leave and let the tears fall. Alone in the hospital wing, it didn't matter. There was no one around to witness my pathetic heartbreak. For that I was thankful.

**_A/N: Click the review button. You know you want to. :)_**


	23. Get Well Soon

**_A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys! You brighten my day, all of you. And, don't worry. Sirius's actions are not without consequences. Speaking of..._**

Much like Sirius, Narcissa did not have much use for the chair next to my bed. She walked straight passed it and sat on the foot of my bed, legs curled beneath her, like she did this all the time.

Come to think of it, besides Regulus's odd visit yesterday, I had never had someone visit me while I was in the hospital wing, excluding Sirius, James, and Peter, of course. This new development both scared and excited me. Maybe we _are_ friends.

As she handed me a card, she said, "You look like shit, Remus."

"Thanks," I said sarcastically and looked down at the card. It was obviously hand-made and said "Get Well Soon!" in big, curvy, bubble letters. When I opened it, confetti exploded into a small tornado, spraying us both with glitter.

"Damn it," she muttered, blowing glitter from her mouth, "I should've had Reggie do the charm."

"No, I like it," I protested, as the card began to sing and chocolate frogs began to leap from the crease. I amended my answer at sight of the candy, "I love it. It's _perfect_, Cissa."

I'd never gotten a get-well card for my lycanthropy. I would keep it forever.

"So, the flu?" she asked, reaching over to feel my forehead in the same manner that my friends did, "Oh damn! Should I get the nurse? Your forehead is scorching!"

* * *

"No," he shook his head, "It's been that way all morning. She knows."

I made a mental note to tell her again before I left the hospital wing. Fevers like that are serious and I didn't want Remus to suffer.

He looked slightly uncomfortable and I could tell there was something he was not saying.

I changed the subject, letting him have his secrets, "So, apparently, I'm engaged."

"What?" he asked shocked, but smiling as he leaned closer to me, "Might I inquire as to whom? And how did this happen?"

"Well," I smiled too, "Apparently I've been engaged for months and no one's bothered to tell me."

"What?" he repeated, indignant.

"Lucius Malfoy is my fiancé," I continued, enjoying his disbelief because it mirrored my own, "And he thought he'd hide it from me."

"_Why_?" Remus asked, leaning back into his pillows again, seemingly exhausted.

"I've asked myself the same question," I nodded, "But the only answer I can really come up with is that he's a freak."

"That explains it," Remus nodded too, unable to hide the smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"So I think I've had the worst week ever," I proclaimed.

* * *

"Oh no you have not," I told her, "I can top yours easily."

"Oh, can you?" she asked, scooting closer to me.

"Yes," and I told her all about my encounters with Sirius—from the kiss to his visit last night.

She looked completely livid on my behalf about his behavior—and she sounded it too, "He did WHAT?"

I nodded, "Yep, he was all over me."

"That asshole," she exclaimed, "I can't believe him. He has no filter, I swear! That boy doesn't think about how his actions affect other people!"

"Actually I think the effects of his actions was what he was interested in," I pointed out, thinking of my sweaty hands.

She shook her head, "I mean how his actions affected your emotions. All he was thinking about was the physical. He's such an ass, I swear, I'm going to beat him up…or get Lucius to do it. He's bigger that me."

I chuckled, "Don't bother Lucius with my problems."

* * *

"Why not? He owes me a lifetime of servitude for what he did," I pointed out.

"So you _are_ marrying him then?" Remus asked me.

I rolled my eyes, "I didn't mean it _that _way. But come to think of it, that's marriage. I marry Lucius and he's my slave. There _is _a perk."

Remus laughed, "Seriously though, are you going to marry your fiancé?"

I sighed, "I don't know, Remus."

He sighed too, "We're both in complicated messes."

* * *

"I know," she said, "But Sirius will come around. You're too good for him not to see that anyone would be lucky to have you."

I bit my lip, "I don't know if I can believe that after last night. It seems so hopeless."

"It's not," she told me gently, "You're a great guy, Remus. If it isn't Sirius, then someone else will steal you in no time."

"I don't want just some random person," I said quietly, "I want someone special."

"Sirius isn't the only special person in the world," she crawled closer on the bed to give me a hug. I pulled her closer to me, engulfing her petite form in my arms.

* * *

Remus's fever-stricken skin was pleasantly warm against me and I sunk into his hug without thinking. I didn't want to ever have to think again. I wanted to stay there in his arms forever.

* * *

Sirius cleared his throat and Narcissa retreated to the foot of the bed once more. I missed having her so close, but Sirius was stealing my attention. I didn't want to see him after last night. I couldn't help but notice that he had a black eye.

James was behind him, pushing Sirius into the room.

"Hi guys," I said, looking at James instead of Sirius.

"Hey, Remus, Narcissa," James said, looking at Narcissa as if he'd just swallowed a cactus.

Sirius muttered something that was probably a greeting.

* * *

I couldn't take my eyes off of James Potter. I wanted to scratch his eyes out.

"Sirius has something he wants to say to you," James told Remus, pushing Sirius closer to the bed.

I felt a surge of affection. Potter wasn't horrible to Remus, at least.

"Narcissa and I will wait in the hall," James gulped and looked nervously at me.

I nodded and stood up, "I'll see you in a few, Remus."

Remus was looking like he wanted to leave too, but I left with Potter. It was good that Sirius was apologizing.

* * *

I looked anywhere but at Sirius. He stood a few feet from my bed, stare weighting me with the knowledge that I could not avoid this conversation.

"I'm sorry I'm such a jerk," Sirius said.

I was silent.

* * *

After we were in the hall outside, I turned to Potter, "You didn't force him to apologize, right? He wants to?"

Potter nodded, "He feels really bad. He's scared to death that Remus won't forgive him."

"Well, what he did was really screwed up," I said stiffly, thinking of other things that were really screwed up.

"He wasn't thinking," Potter said, seeming to know that I wasn't talking about Sirius, "He never wanted to hurt Remus, he was just being an oblivious jerk. It's in his nature."

"Do you love her?" I asked him.

"Yes," he said immediately, "I'm sorry, Narcissa."

* * *

"I didn't think that there were feelings," he continued, "I just thought it was physical attraction. I didn't realize that you…that it wasn't."

I stared at my hands, not wanting to look up.

* * *

I couldn't help it, "It's alright, James…but only because I'm assuming that you gave Sirius his black eye."

He laughed, "Yeah…Lucius and I have that violence problem in common. It was my first reaction."

He looked down at his feet, sheepish, "He explained the situation, asking if he'd done something wrong. So I punched him and told him that I wouldn't blame Remus if he never spoke to him again."

Potter paused, looking at me regretfully, "I wouldn't blame you either."

* * *

"I don't want things to get all weird between us, Remus," his voice was slightly desperate, "You're my best friend. If you're not, I don't know how I'll get through this. I lost my family this year, I don't want to lose you too."

He took a deep, shaky breath, "Please don't be mad at me, Remus. I'm sorry."

"I'm not mad," I said honestly.

I was hurt, not mad.

"Really?" he asked hopefully.

I nodded.

* * *

I sighed, our relationship seemed so far into the past. I couldn't honestly say that I was mad.

"It's alright, James," I said, "I was engaged to Lucius anyway."

He sputtered, "WHAT?"

I laughed, "Tell me about it!"

"Wait. You didn't know?" he asked.

I shook my head, "I could never cheat on Lucius knowingly."

"You love him," James nodded, understanding.

I nodded somberly, "God knows why."

"Please understand that Lily's my Lucius," he said slowly, "I wouldn't have done it with anyone else."

"I know," I said honestly, "And that's why you're not dead."

He laughed, "Sirius was waiting for the hit-men to come."

"It was considered," I admitted, "But, as you seem to know, I was too gone for Lucius to be gone for you too."

"So we can be friends?" he asked hopefully.

"That might be stretching it," I said, "But we can be nice. After all, Remus is my friend."

"How did he manage that?" James asked curiously.

I shrugged, "He's just…not as much of an 'oblivious jerk' as you and Sirius, no offense. Remus is a nice guy."

"Yes," James nodded, "He is."

* * *

"Then look at me," Sirius said skeptically, "Look me in the eyes and tell me you forgive me."

"I said I wasn't mad, not that I forgive you," the words slipped from my lips before I could stop them.

"What can I do to make it up to you?" he asked, frantic, "I'll do anything!"

And I said the words that I didn't know if I'd regret, "I want you to leave me alone, Sirius."

"What?" he asked and, as I dared a glance at his face, I saw that his expression was crumpled, "You don't want to be friends anymore?"

"I think it would be better if I had some space," I told him, each word killing me, "I don't think we can go back to how it was."

**_A/N: And they all lived happily ever after. The end. Not really, but it is looking rather dismal for them, isn't it? Anyway, don't forget to review..._**


	24. Bedtime Stories

**_A/N: Thank you reviewers. I love you all. This week is finals week, so updates should come sooner after Wednesday, when I realize again that I have no life and should probably just write ff. But, for now, have a chapter._**

"Hey,"

I looked up, startled. Regulus and I were in our usual corner of the library—the history section. Regulus was reading some huge textbook that he found fascinating and I was writing an essay for Charms.

"Can I join you two?" Remus asked me hesitantly.

_I'm delusional._

I was slightly shocked—why would Remus want to hang out with us?—but Regulus took control at once, "I don't see why not."

Regulus smiled at Remus and the Gryffindor joined us.

_WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?_

As soon as I could form a coherent sentence, I asked, "What brings you to our little corner of heaven?"

* * *

"I don't want to hang around Sirius," I said honestly, "It's beyond awkward."

"I can imagine," she said understandingly and I knew that I had come to the right place.

_Not that I had many other friends to go to._

"So, is this your guys' usual haunt?" I asked, trying to get used to the idea of not spending my evenings playing exploding snap with Sirius.

"Yes," Regulus said, "We're here every night until patrols. You're welcome here, don't worry about imposing."

Regulus was a lot nicer than I had ever given him credit. My eyes fell to the book that lay open on the table in front of him.

_Good taste._

"You've read it?" Regulus seemed surprised.

"Loved it," I nodded, "What part are you at?"

* * *

Remus and Regulus getting along made me smile. It turned out that they both had similar interests in books and the two were soon discussing half the contents of the library. I half-listened as they talked, finishing my essay.

_Maybe this could be permanent. I like the idea of Remus joining us in the evenings. He's nice. I like him. Reggie likes him. We could go from a duo to a trio._

Regulus met my eyes for a brief second and smiled. I smiled back, before sinking deeper into my chair and turning my full attention to my homework. This was good.

_Things would work out. Remus would be my friend. Regulus and I would eventually marry and I'd never have to see Lucius Malfoy again. Things would be good._

* * *

After patrols, I forced myself to go back to Gryffindor common room. I wasn't sure how I could avoid Sirius. He slept in the bed next to mine, I would have to see him.

"Moony!" James greeted me as soon as I passed through the portrait hole.

"Prongs!" I smiled, happy that it was him and not Sirius.

"Will you ever explain the nicknames to me?" Lily asked James, exasperated. The two were sitting in front of the fire, playing chess. Peter and Sirius were nowhere to be seen. I relaxed considerably.

"I have to have Remus's permission," James said seriously, "And a ring on your finger. So, if you want me to tell you…"

She laughed, "Not that easy, James."

"It was worth a shot," he mumbled, grinning.

I moved to the fire and pulled a seat closer to them.

"Where've you been?" James asked me, moving a chess piece.

"Library," I shrugged.

"You shouldn't spend so much time alone with books," James wrinkled his nose, "It's bad for your health."

"It is not," I rolled my eyes, "And besides, I wasn't alone. I was with Regulus and Narcissa."

His head snapped up and he gaped at me, "WHY?"

"They're nice," I said noncommittally, "Narcissa and I are friends."

"Yes, but you're not let's-hang-out-more-than-we-have-to friends," James protested.

"Maybe we are now," I said, laughing a little, "Why does it matter?"

"You ditched us," James said quietly, "To hang out with Slytherins."

Lily rolled her eyes and chose now to break in, "Slytherins are people too."

"I just don't want to be around a certain person," I fought off a blush.

"Oh," understanding took over James's face, "And that certain person wouldn't touch Slytherins or the library with a five foot pole."

I nodded.

Lily looked between us and asked the obvious, "Did you and Sirius have a fight, Remus?"

I shot a panicked look at James.

"They're not on the best of terms right now," James said, looking at me to see my reaction to these words, "They're having space."

"But you two are best friends!" Lily's eyes were soft as she looked at me with genuine concern, "Nothing can be that bad."

Lily and I used to be friends, prefects together. And I was tired of hiding my feelings. So I told her the truth.

I fidgeted, "Lily, I have a crush on Sirius. And he knows."

Her jaw dropped, "And he doesn't like you back?"

"No…" I said awkwardly, this wasn't the response I was prepared for.

"He's insane," she shook her head.

"We knew that though," I said dryly.

* * *

I found Regulus as soon as I was off patrols.

"I'm tired," I informed him matter-of-factly.

"What do you propose we do about that, Miss Black?" he asked, grinning.

"I say we sleep," I told him.

"Sleeping does solve that," he laughed, taking my hand in his and pulling me to his dormitory.

I hadn't spent the night with him since his confession.

It had been too weird.

It was still weird.

But he was my Regulus, just the same.

And Regulus has always been weird.

It's one of the reasons I love him.

No one in the common room even blinked as Regulus whisked me to the guys' dorms. I had a fleeting thought that everyone must think I'm such a slut…but repressed it.

"I missed you," he said, opening the door to his dorm. The other guys didn't pay us any attention.

"I missed you too," I said, letting my thoughts scream it as he looked me in the eyes.

He smiled, a big goofy grin, and we both plopped onto his bed, drawing the curtains shut.

We kicked off our shoes and took off our ties and prefect badges.

"Sleep?" he asked, pulling down the covers on the bed.

"Sleep," I agreed crawling beneath the blankets. He joined me immediately, taking me into his arms protectively. I relaxed into him, letting every bit of tension go.

"Tell me a story," I said softly, letting my eyes close.

"What sort of story?" he asked.

"A story about us," I mumbled, "A story about us in the future, when things are good."

He chuckled, "Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl named Narcissa and her best friend Regulus. The world was dark and gloomy, full of things they could not control and did not want, but they knew that if they tried their best to do the right thing, life would get better."

"Let's be married in the story," I interrupted, wanting to know what it would be like. What was the vision that he had in his head of us together?

He laughed, "Okay, one day Regulus asked his Cissa to marry him—because he loved her more than anything else that roamed the earth and knew happiness only through her smiles—and she said yes. This amazed Regulus, because he had never even dared to hope that wishes on shooting stars actually manifested themselves in reality."

My heart thudded loudly in my chest, unsettling me.

"Everyone was a little bit surprised that Cissa wasn't marrying Lucius, but soon, they got over it because they could see that two were very happy together. Regulus and Cissa lived in a small apartment far away from Grimmauld Place with eleven cats the first year they were married."

"Eleven?"

"Yes, eleven."

"How did we get eleven cats?"

"They were strays. We took them in."

"Oh. Okay."

"Everyone thought they were odd, but really, they were just happy. Because some hero had been discovered who could kill the Dark Lord. And he did. So Regulus didn't have to hurt people, and Narcissa didn't have to worry about him."

"Mmm…" I smiled, "I like this story."

"They never visited their family," Regulus continued, "But would send presents to their old house elves. And Sirius was allowed to visit, if he wanted."

"Does he visit?"

"Every other Thursday he comes for dinner with Remus," Regulus smiled, "They're happy together, but a little cutesy-cutesy."

"Seems accurate," I mumbled, barely conscious.

"I love you, Cissa," he stroked my hair affectionately and I lost conscious entirely, drifting into a deep sleep.

* * *

"Hi Remus," Sirius said awkwardly as he entered the dorm with Peter that night.

"Hi," I said and quickly turned around to find my pajamas.

"You disappeared," he said quietly, "After lessons, you were gone."

"I know," I said simply and took my pajamas to the bathroom to change.

I felt horrible, but I didn't how I could interact with him the same way again.

When I came out of the bathroom, the curtains on his bed were shut. I gulped and crawled into my own bed, where I would try to fight off dreams of him for yet another night.

**_A/N: Don't forget to review..._**


	25. Conflict

**_To all my readers: I am so sincerely sorry that it has taken me an obscene amount of time to update. Somewhere between the holidays, family, and meeting a new boy, time has been eaten up. This chapter is very short…but it's like, "HEY I'M STILL HERE. I PROMISE I'M NOT DITCHING YOU!"_**

"Go to hell, Lucius," I growled, storming away from him.

He caught me by the arm and wrenched me back to him, "'Cissa, be reasonable."

"No," I snapped, "I don't want to be reasonable. Remus is my friend."

"And a half-breed?" his tone was cold.

"And a half-breed," I said certainly.

The knowledge of Remus's condition was still new and had yet to really sink in—but I knew that it wouldn't change much between us.

"If the Dark Lord doesn't care what he is, why should you?" I demanded.

If the Dark Lord didn't want Remus as his own weapon, neither Lucius nor I would have known of his condition. Regulus was the only one of us not surprised by this knowledge. Even Severus had shown shock at the Dark Lord's recruitment pursuits.

"I wouldn't say—FOR MERLIN'S SAKE, MISS CISSY! HE COULD EAT YOU!" Lucius lost a bit of that composure that made him a Malfoy.

"So could you," I laughed, giddy and slightly hysterical.

Lucius sighed, a big, gusty sigh, "Why do I bother?"

"Beats me," I said honestly.

"I don't want you to see him anymore," Lucius demanded.

"He's my friend," I said quietly, "I plan to see him as much as possible."

"No," he said sternly.

"Yes," I laughed, "Why do you always think you can control me, Lucius?"

"You are my fiancé, my future wife. You'll have some respect for my judgement," he snapped.

My heart froze, "I thought you said you'd call off the engagement."

His expression softened as mine collapsed, "I'm sorry. I will. I promise."

"Then I'm not your future wife," my voice was thick.

"No," he said quietly.

"And respecting your judgement is not required," I said stiffly.

"No," he sighed.

I walked away from him, back to our usual table in the library, all too aware that Remus and Regulus had heard every word.

* * *

"Thank you," I told her as she sunk into the chair next to me.

"Don't mention it," she said, "I would never ditch you for Lucius's sake."

Her eyes met Regulus's and I knew there was some conversation I was missing.

"He can't use you again," Regulus told her, "I won't cooperate with him if he does. He knows that. You're only _my_ incentive. If he lays a hand on you, I have no reason to work for him."

I watched the exchange, wondering if I really understood what they were talking about. Something told me it wasn't Lucius.

Things had become complicated in the month since I started hanging out with Narcissa. The Dark Lord had learned of my condition—I wasn't sure how. Regulus had informed me with the utmost sincerity that he hadn't told. He told me that he thought there must be a leak somewhere else in the short list of people who knew.

I wasn't sure if I believed him. He knew this.


	26. Detention anyone?

**_A/N: So sincerely sorry for such a long break. Spring semester this year was hectic. Drama. Boys. Work. School. Club. Listerine was going crazy. Anyway, it's summer vacation and I'm at your disposal once more. Abuse the priviledge. ;)_**

"C'mon Rem. Talk to the jerk," James pleaded.

_Easier said than done. I'm going through such Sirius withdrawal I may snog him on the spot and make the situation worse._

"NO. I won't do it," my voice was firm.

"Why the fuck not?" James demanded.

_Because I miss him too. So much._

"Language, James," I chastised.

"You're not my mother," he growled.

_thank merlin for that._

"Yeah, but you're headboy," I retorted.

"Ah, yes, I must be an example for the little children," he snickered.

"That you do," I tried to turn back to my book.

"And so do you. You're a prefect," he said smugly.

_Only James would see that as an insult._

"Ah,yes. That is my cross to bear," I said, not paying attention.

"So you should show them how to be friends with Sirius," he exclaimed.

_Is that the best you can do?_

"That's not being a good example," I laughed, "That's being a horrific example. We'll get angry owls from parents."

He laughed too, "'tis true that might happen….but really, Moony. He's our friend. Our best friend. Give him a chance to apologize."

"I have to go," I said abruptly.

"Detention?" asked James.

_I haven't gotten detention since I stopped hanging out with Sirius._

"NO. Library," I explained.

"Oh. You're going to hang out with them," he said coldly.

"Don't be like that. They're nice people."

"They're fucking death eaters, Moony," James snapped.

"They're my friends."

"No, they're not."

"Whatever." I stood up.

"Don't you whatever me," he stood too.

"I can whatever you if I want to," I rolled my eyes.

"Detention," he said firmly.

"Yeah, sure James."

"No, you're talking back to the head boy now, not James," he crossed his arms.

"James, you are the head boy" I rolled my eyes again, headed to the door.

"Exactly. And you've got detention tonight."

* * *

"Hey Cissa."

He fell into step beside me.

"Hey Sirius," I said quietly. He had approached me more and more as Remus kept his distance. I felt like a spy.

"How's Moony doing?" he asked.

_Why can't you ask him yourself? Why can't you admit you love him too?_

"Remus is okay. He misses you," I said honestly.

"He sure as hell doesn't act like it," Sirius muttered.

"That's 'cause he's hurt. And whose fault is that?" I asked.

"Mine," Sirius was contrite. Truly contrite.

"Don't look so sad," I pleaded, "You didn't mean to be such an inconsiderate asshole. It just happened naturally."

"Thanks, Cis," he grimaced.

"No trouble," I smiled sweetly.

"And Regulus? How's the little stinker holding up?" he asked, slight smile on his face.

"He's…in need of some sleep. Keeps disappearing. I'm worried," I told him honestly.

"Lock him in his dorm and drug him," Sirius suggested, eyes alive with laughter.

"Shut up that's not funny," I huffed.

"It is."

"A little," I confessed.

"And how are you Miss Cissy?" he asked.

"Oh please don't call me that. Lucius is being such a jackass recently and…" I trailed off, hopeless.

"Why?" he asked, curious.

"Well, Remus turning furry once a month worries him," I shrugged.

"Ah."

"Hey Regs," I said immediately as he approached, a warning to Sirius that his brother was there. And a declaration of sides. I was entirely Reg's.

"Regulus," Sirius turned to greet him.

"Sirius," he responded cautiously.

"How's mother?" Sirius asked, blinking.

"Eh, I don't really know," Regulus confessed.

"You look like shit," Sirius informed him.

"Thanks," Regulus said sarcastically.

"I'm not trying to be a jerk. You need some sleep," Sirius said honestly.

"Thanks for the advice," Regulus turned away from him.

"Don't be such an idiot. I'm trying to look out for you," Sirius insisted. And he was.

"I can look out for myself," Regulus said firmly, but quietly.

"Yeah, can you? Wanna roll up your sleeves and say that?" Sirius looked at Reg's left forearm pointedly.

"You don't know what you're talking about," Regulus said stonily.

"I know a coward when I see his skull," Sirius smirked.

"Shut up, Sirius," Regulus growled with a darted glance to me, asking permission.

"Make me," Sirius demanded.

"Gladly."

_Shit._

* * *

Walking into detention that night, I was more than a little pissed at James. How could he have managed to get us all here?

Narcissa and Regulus were in the corner, talking quietly.

Sirius sulked in the corner.

And James pranced to the front of the room.

I took a deep breath and walked to Narcissa and Regulus.

I wasn't about to break at James's every whim.

* * *

**_A/N: Review please!_**


	27. Peace

**_A/N: Thank you reviewers. I'm glad you're still here! This one is a bit short, sorry._**

* * *

James Potter was being a bit of a pompous asshole.

_Okay, James Potter was being a lot of a pompous asshole._

He was running our imprisonment, abusing his head boy powers. He had locked the door and told us we were his for the night.

And every one of us had snickered at how dirty that had sounded.

"As you might have noticed," James told us, "When I gave you each detention, none of you were really doing anything wrong."

Regulus and Sirius both snorted.

"He had me in a headlock!" Regulus pointed out as Sirius cried, "He transformed my head into a fish! I was suffocating!"

James waved their words off with a hand, "Family squabbles."

I laughed in spite of myself.

* * *

_Fish?_

I wished I could have seen Sirius with a fish head.

"So then why are we here, James?" I asked, exasperated.

"Obviously he just wanted to lock us in an empty classroom with him at night," Regulus smirked, "Potter has some odd sexual fantasies."

"Naw, Lily'd be here too," James rolled his eyes.

"Too?" Sirius grinned, "Is that so, James?"

James blushed, "Not what I meant. Anyway," he cleared his throat, "I've brought you all here for one reason and one reason only—."

"A gang bang we already know," Sirius laughed.

"Peace," James continued as if Sirius hadn't spoken.

The room fell quiet.

* * *

_Way to go, Glasses._

I smiled at James and he smiled back.

"This has been going on long enough," James said, "Remus, Sirius is your best friend. Sirius, you have a totally hot guy who's attracted to you. Why can't you two just appreciate what you have?"

My eyes darted to Sirius, who was blushing. Remus, next to me, was fidgeting in his seat.

"In his leave of absence, Remus made new friends," James pressed on, "And any friend of Remus is a friend of mine. Including Regulus Black."

Sirius stiffened. Regulus straightened in his seat, alarmed.

"What does that entail?" Regulus asked at once.

"Not killing you," James replied.

Regulus relaxed, "Ok. As long as it doesn't involve hugging."

I elbowed him the ribs, smiling, "Be nice."

* * *

I tried not to watch Sirius and failed miserably.

But he was watching me too.

James noticed this and walked over to where I sat with Regulus and Narcissa.

"Can I steal your chair, Remus?" he asked, "I need to get to know my new friends."

"Um, yeah," I stood awkwardly, mind on Sirius.

* * *

James gave Remus a slight push in the direction of Sirius. He walked towards him zombie-esque.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Regulus hissed at James, inching his chair toward me and away from him.

_My adorable antisocial Regulus._

"I don't want Sirius to hurt him," I agreed, "He's just not…as much of an asshole as Sirius. He's kinda whimpy."

"Sirius and I talked," James said confidently.

* * *

I walked toward Sirius, every footfall resounding in my skull.

I sat in the chair next to him automatically, "Hey."

"Hey," he said quietly.

We sat in silence for a minute.

"Remus, do you remember that night at Lucius's party?" Sirius asked abruptly.

"Yes," I said slowly, wondering how much he remembered.

"Well you and I got toasted," Sirius explained to me, "I kissed you or you kissed me—I don't specifically remember who initiated it."

"I remember," I said miserably.

"Shush Remus," Sirius said gently, "I'm not done. I liked it. I liked making out with you under that table. And then, as soon as you come out of the closet, you're dating Travers and I don't know if you remember that I had you first."

I stared at him.

"I want you for mine and mine only. If you don't want me, tell me and we'll go back to being friends, but Remus, I'm sorry I was such s douche about that kiss in the hall the other day. I was confused. I had resigned myself to the fact that you weren't interested. So I acted the jerk because I'm a coward, Remus. I wanted you to say this all to me, so I could come straight into your arms instead of putting myself out here where you can just shoot me down and Remus…"

His eyes watched me hopefully, cautiously.

I forced my lips to move and sputtered, "Of course I want you, Sirius."

He grinned then, the grin I loved, so full of confidence and conceit, "You'd better."

**_A/N: Don't forget to review. They're like little reminders for me to update, lol. And no, this isn't the end._**


	28. Glowing and Levitating

**_A/N: It's super short...but I just found it in a notebook and thought "Gee. Why didn't I type that up?" So I did. And hopefully I will update more often again. I could list you excuses, but it doesn't make much of a difference now does it? I'll try to update again very soon._**

**_Thank you all. And please keep reviewing. Gives me the warm and fuzzies._**

* * *

"Stop," I grabbed Regulus's hand as we left detention that night.

"Yes, Cissa?" he asked.

"Is Remus happy?" I asked, staring off along the hallway down which the Gryffindors had disappeared.

"Couldn't you tell?" Regulus asked, smiling slightly at my inane question, "That boy was levitating and glowing brighter than the hallway torches."

"I just want to make sure," my voice was quiet, thoughts distracted in what-ifs.

"He's ecstatic, Cissa," Regulus assured me.

"So that's what it does to a person?" I asked slowly, softly, "Getting whom they love?"

"I would say so," Regulus's eyes pried at mine, trying to see where I was going, "We saw the proof before our eyes, did we not?"

My voice was quiet, but stable, "I want to see you that happy."

His eyes widened in the slightest hint of surprise, "Pardon?"

"I want you to glow and levitate, my Regulus dear," I said simply, my voice regaining normal volume.

He smiled sadly, "A sweet desire, Cissa. But I would not presume to be so lucky."

"Can't you tell that I love you?" I asked, voice broken.

Eyes never leaving mine, he told me quite firmly, "I know you love me, Cissa. I know it in my heart and in my head. It's as commonplace to me as the sky is blue, but as sacred to me as the recipe for eternal life. Cissa. Darling. Can't you know that it's enough?"

"Is it?' I couldn't hide my skepticism, "I see no levitation. I see no glow. I see no _smile_. All I see is my Regulus, torn and broken."

"You did not tear me, nor did you break me," his voice was tired, "This distress is not your doing. You are my sanity, Cissa. I need you, just as you are."

"So, if I were to…" I kissed his lips lightly, watching his eyes widen again, "You would love me less?"  
"I would never love you less," he said immediately, but as my lips came more forcefully to his, he pulled away, "Caution, love. My heart is fragile, but possessive. Dare not lead me on."

"I will not harm your heart," I promised him, "But I shall lead you on all that I like."

With that, I kissed him again. Once his eyes were closed, I thought the thought I hoped he'd never see:

_Would that he were Lucius_.

* * *

"Remus. Remus Lupin," Sirius smiled dreamily at me. James and Peter had decided to stay up late in the common room. I suspected this was because they didn't want to witness all the snogging that was inevitably a result of James's handiwork.

I was glad for the privacy. After a few awkward moments of head collisions, we settled into the situation, happily.

"Sirius. Sirius Black," I smiled, still in disbelief at my good fortune.

_My Sirius Black wanted me too._

"Don't mock me!" he protested, his perfect lips in a half-hearted scowl.

"Aw, but you like it," I said and his scowl slipped a little.

"Do you think I look like the sort of person that likes to be mocked?" he asked, failing to even keep the frown.

"You look like the sort of person who likes to be mocked by Remus. Remus Lupin," I smiled, the words like heaven to my lips.

"You're lucky I like you," he pouted.

"Is that luck?" I asked, foolish grin tied to my face.

"You wound me," he said unconvincingly.

"Want me to kiss it better?" I asked, pulling him to my bed.

"Would I ever."

* * *

**_Don't forget to review. Hopefully the next chapter will be a little longer..._**

* * *


	29. Continuing and Worrying

**_A/N: My chapters keep getting shorter =0 Sorry._**

Things continued. They always do, be it inner turmoil or absolute contentment. The world went on. Regulus and I were the same as we had been, that conversation and kiss tucked between us, making it awkward. I watched as he spent nights out of bed in service of the Dark Lord. I worried.

Remus and I patrolled together regularly and he kept me update about his romance, as well as consoling my worries about my doomed best friend.

It never bugged me that Lucius was a deatheater. I never wondered why he was one, I never tried to understand that choice.

But I knew that Regulus had no desire to be a part of this. I knew those nights of torture and mayhem were the last things he wanted. Regulus hung out in libraries. He was never a bully.

I worried for Lucius and Travers, yes, but I did not lose sleep over either of them. I've always had faith that Lucius can handle anything. And Travers is just so constantly there. And happy. I can't bring myself to recognize that the danger exists for them as well.

But even if I could, I would not dare to presume I would care.

Regulus consumed my unconscious attention. There was not room for more.

* * *

I was in heaven that last half of sixth year. I finally had Sirius and we were happy as clams. If clams are happy. I've never been too sure about that simile. The only clams I can think of, I've eaten. Being broken down by digestive juices doesn't seem to be at the same end of the spectrum as joy.

Narcissa worried me. Her face was desecrated with dark circles. Something wasn't allowing her to sleep. That something was named Regulus Black.

Sirius was oblivious at how far Regulus had been sucked into the dark arts. I couldn't tell him. There was still love for his little brother, underneath the fighting. I couldn't tell him Regulus had gone to the Dark.

I like Regulus Black. He's a great guy. But I don't approve of his actions.

When I think about it, it doesn't even make sense. Regulus is so laid back and accepting, not to mention smart as hell and Sirius. He knows better than an elitist mentality.

There has to be something else. There has to be some reason he would sell his soul to this torture. I will figure it out before I tell Sirius. I will find Regulus's redemption before sentencing him to hell.

* * *

Term ended. Summer started. I missed my patrol partner. Regulus was gone, more and more.

"Remus?" my voice was timid.

* * *

When she flooed, I wasn't sure what to do. I had hoped this friendship wouldn't die with our forced partnership, but I had not been too sure that would be the case.

"Yes, Cissa?" I asked, hesitant.

* * *

"Can Regulus and I come to visit?" I asked, knowing I was probably unwanted and intruding.

* * *

"Of course!" I couldn't hide my shock, "I'll have to make sure the guys are cool with it, but I don't foresee a problem."

* * *

He paused and looked at me carefully, "Any particular reason you want to get away?"

* * *

She looked down, "I want to get Regulus out of here. Away from the deatheaters. All he does is with them. He forgets there's good people in the world as well. And you're good people, Remus."


	30. Distraction, Devotion

She showed up on my doorstep, suitcase in hand. Alone.

_I thought she said Regulus was coming. I had a whole pep talk with Sirius about it-and then Sirius fled. He just had to go visit the muggle zoo for a week. What can someone even do at a zoo for a week? Is he really that afraid of talking to his brother?_

"Hey you," I said, a smile growing on my lips.

_It had been too long. Without the excuse of patrols, we hardly talked. And I was actually sad about it._

She smiled in return, "I've missed you."

"I missed you too," the words felt nice on my lips, "Come on in."

It was strange to watch her enter our tiny house. She didn't fit.

_An angel within our walls. _

"No Regulus?" I asked, taking her suitcase, and leading her to the guestroom.

"He had something come up last minute," she said lightly.

_I must just be imagining the sadness behind her eyes. She looks fine, carefree...but that sentence...it's so...dishonest._

"Pity," I said, not acknowledging the obvious reasons for his absence, "After Sirius fled and everything, just so he didn't have to see him."

"He fled?" her expression was strange.

_Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned, but honesty is the surest way to get her to talk._

"Almost immediately."

"I'm sorry," it sounded genuine, "If I knew Regulus would flake on us, I wouldn't have invited him. I just hoped..."

_She had said we were good people. She had hoped for a miracle._

"I know."

* * *

I hadn't expected it to be only Remus and me this week and, as I realized it would be, a layer of awkwardness settled around me. I was used to spending time alone with guys, but...

_But only with Regulus._

Remus was nice.

_But not Regulus._

The first day, we were a little formal, a little stressed, and a little awkward. It had been so long since I had someone who was _there. _But by the third day, I was enamored with his company. I didn't want to leave.

Sirius was no where to be seen.

James would visit, but was often distracted with Lily.

And Regulus was silently in the universe deatheating.

We were constantly in each other's company, talking, laughing, teasing.

And I enjoyed the attention.

One night, James invited us out with him and Lily. There was some sort of bonfire at a beach. It was a muggle party, but that just seemed to make it more appealing to them.

Remus asked if I wanted to go.

I said yes, simply because I knew it was what he wanted to do. I would have been content to stay home with him.

* * *

I walked on the beach with Narcissa, happily. It had been nice to have her to myself the past few days. Without drama, without second motivations, only to be around one another.

_But there were topics we instinctively avoided. Sirius leaving. Regulus deatheating. Lucius. She had not said his name all week._

"How are you, Narcissa?" I asked.

She was silent for a moment, before looking up at the stars and twirling gracefully.

"I'm serene," she said simply, glowing with the truth of it.

And then she continued her spinning, innocent, happy dance under the sky.

I'd never seen her so happy.

_But she wasn't. It had been there all week. The elephants in the room. The things she was avoiding. And yet she was happy ignoring them. Maybe all I could offer her was a short escape...and who was I to take that away from her, by bringing reality into the picture?_

I watched her as I walked slowly along the coastline. She spun several yards ahead of me, prancing lightly and happily. Singing along with the music blaring from the fire where we had left James and Lily to their romance. She didn't know the words-it was muggle music, after all-but she made her own and they were silly.

_Would that this night would never end. Would that we could live in these minutes on the beach. Would that she could always be serene._

It was more of a flop than a fall, her white blonde hair following the rest of her to the ground almost lazily. I could hear her sigh from where I walked, though it took me a minute to catch up with her. When I did, she patted the sand next to her, but did not turn to look at me, or to brush her hair from her eyes.

I sat next to her, knees to my chest and looked at her.

_Was it wrong that her serenity alarmed me so much more than tears? _

"I envy your serenity," I said lightly.

She giggled and it almost gave me a toothache, the sound was so sweet. Her words, however, were not as sweet, "Oh, Remus, I envy your life."

"It's not all beach parties, you know. I have my own troubles," I reminded her.

She continued as if I had not spoken, "Or rather, I envy Sirius's."

She had my full attention-and full concern-now.

"Sirius left. He left. He's free. He has all this," she said. There was something in her voice I didn't like. Something that worried me.

"Narcissa," I said slowly, "Are you alright?"

She sat up, now. Tension reclaiming her limbs.

I waited while she ran her fingers through her hair and brushed the sand off her shirt.

"Of course not," she said, in the same tone she said that she was serene, "I'm never alright. You'd think I'd grow accustomed to it."

"You don't have to stay," I kept my voice soft, nonthreatening, "You could do what Sirius did. We'd take care of you, Narcissa, like we took care of him."

"I could leave?" again, I couldn't define her tone. There was something wrong with it. Something I couldn't put my finger on.

"Yes," I said, trying to make her see, "You don't need to be in that toxic environment anyway. There's nothing for you with all the pretentious deatheaters. It's not how you're going to be happy. You're not going to twirl on any beaches at deatheater parties."

_It was tantalizing...I could SAVE Narcissa. I could take her away from all of the evil that surrounded her..._

"Do deatheaters have parties?" she asked, giggling.

"Lucius does," I said, recalling my first kiss with Sirius.

She blinked. And I wished so desperately to know what was going on behind her eyes.

"Fair point," she said after a minute.

"Leave them all, Cissa," I continued, "You'd be so much better for it."

She watched me, with that same something in her eyes, "Would I?"

"Yes, Cissa," I said honestly, "You deserve so much more than all that."

And slowly, her head moved closer to mine. Her face tilted. Her eyes closed. And her lips pressed themselves to mine for a moment.

As much as I loved Sirius, my hormones started to soar.

She moved her face back an inch and looked at me.

I had no idea what was going on.

I sat there, like a deer in the headlights.

And she smiled, giggled even, and was quite suddenly lying back on the sand, tension removed from her limbs once more. I briefly wondered if that had happened, or if I had imagined it.

* * *

I didn't know exactly why I kissed him.

I knew, logically, that I should have felt guilty for doing it. But I couldn't.

Looking up at the stars on the beach, while he still sat frozen from my kiss, I only knew that for the first time in a long time, I didn't feel trapped and alone.

* * *

We stayed like that-her looking at the sky and me frozen beside her until James and Lily found us a few hours later.

"I invite you to a party and you just ditch..."James laughed, "Typical."

I blinked a few times, trying to rejoin reality, but finding it hard.

"Did you two have a nice night?" Lily asked kindly.

"It was beautiful," Narcissa smiled, sitting up again.

I jumped to my feet, keeping her lips as far away from mine as possible.

She noticed this and giggled again, standing up as well.

* * *

When we arrived at Remus's house that night, a visitor awaited us.

"Regulus!" I said, shocked.

"I finally got away," he shrugged, "At least for the night."

"Welcome," Remus said hospitibly, seeming relieved it wasn't going to just be the two of us in his house tonight. He was standing a good foot away from me and was visibly twitchy.

"Thank you," Regulus told him, but looked questioningly at me for Remus's strange behavior.

My thoughts related the events of the evening.

* * *

"It's been a long night," Regulus said abruptly and I wondered what was in Narcissa's thoughts that he had seen, "Do you mind if I just crash and we catch up in the morning, Remus?"

"Of course," I said, relieved to have some time to myself to sort out my brain-and sure enough, he took Narcissa's hand in his and the two of them quickly disappeared the guestroom, with only hurried "Good nights."

_I wonder what's so dire. _

_ I wonder why she kissed me._

_ I wonder what's even going on._

_ I wonder if this is how Narcissa feels all the time._

_

* * *

_

Regulus stared at me, eyes dead, mouth weak, "Cissa, what are you _doing_?"

I had the grace to look ashamed, "I've been...lonely. Lucius is preoccupied. You're not even _here_ most of the time. And Remus, well, he's sweet."

"Sweet," Regulus tried the word on his lips, as if he didn't know its definition, "So sweet trumps love and devotion to another person?"

The words were a slap across my face. I flinched and backed away, eyes firmly closed. I didn't want him in my thoughts, to see the weak, aimless mess I was without him. To see how much I needed Remus Lupin right now.

"Devotion," I said harshly, turning away from him to stare at the wall, "Devotion to whom?"

_ What good was my devotion to Lucius? So that on one of the days he actually remembered I existed, I could say that I waited for him monogamously while he ignored me? What use was that? I was devoted to a man who ran away when I told him I loved him. No, sweet trumped whatever devotion I had left in my bones._

"Lucius," Regulus said softly.

My eyes glassed and hardened their focus on the wall, "I have no devotion to Lucius."

"To me, then," Regulus said softly, turning my head gently with his hand, so that he could meet my eyes.

_ You. _My thoughts were frantic.

"Me," Barely above a whisper, his words were deafening, "Have you no devotion to _me_?"

His eyes wouldn't allow mine to close.

"I...well...I..." my voice was stretched thin, brain a mess of pleasantries and fear, "My kissing Remus has nothing to do with my devotion to you."

"We both know that's a lie," Regulus said gently.

The lump in my throat was threatening to come up, just as the glass in my eyes was threatening to drip, "You've been...you've been _gone._"

He touched my face wordlessly, thumb brushing my cheekbone. His silence asked me to continue.

"All of you are gone," I said the words fast, no need to edit when he was as aware of my thoughts as I was, "Lucius, Travers, you, Severus, even Bella...are all bound together in some horrible secret I can't know. I can't understand. It's separating you from me. You can't talk to me. You edit. You can't tell me where you've been. You stay out all night. There's torture under your irises. Regulus, you're all becoming strangers and there's nothing I can do. I feel so alone right now. I know that it's not your intent, I know you're protecting me by not telling me. I know all of this. But there's something between us and I can't handle it. You're supposed to be mine first."

A faint smile appeared at the right-hand corner of his mouth when I said the last line.

"I am yours," he said simply, "First and always, I am yours."

"No," I protested, "You're not. You're a slave to that tattoo on your arm. And I know that's not your choice...and I have no anger toward you for it...but your His first now. You're not mine."

He broke eye contact at last, and looked at his shoes. I could tell what I said had hurt him, but he offered no immediate argument.

"I need someone who's _mine_ right now, Reg," I said, eyes downcast.

_ Because I am weak. Because I am selfish. Because I am human, all too human._

"I did this for you," he muttered.

I flinched again.

"I did this horror. I gave my life to a monster. I saved you, Cissa. Because it was all I could do. Because I love you. I don't disappear on you for kicks and giggles. I don't enjoy leaving you over and over again. But I do it because I love you. And I know I'm His. But that will never change the fact that I love you," his voice was hard.

_ Guilt._

"I'm sorry, Regulus," I said weakly.

His eyes were on mine, "I know."

"I don't deserve you," I confessed, "You're too...noble."

"I'm not, not really," he said, that small smile there.

"Could you just be with me, tonight?" I asked, feeling my own desperation shine through my eyes.

_ I miss my best friend. I need you here. I'm a mess without you. I don't know how to exist when I'm not around you. Can't you please be here with me? Help me to feel safe and sane? _

"Of course," he said and took me into his arms. I felt the tension drain from my skin immediately.


	31. One Month and Twelve

**Author's Note: Hello there, fanfiction world. I kind of abandoned this site due to life, the universe, and everything...but two days ago someone put this story on their alert list and it emailed me! And I was like "FANFICTION!" and have been catching up reading ever since, hahah. So here's the plan-finish up this story, get the characters where they need to be to somewhat line up with the canon and then maybe start something new. Sound good? Also-does anyone still read this? Leave me a review and let me know! That works the best to get this updated :] Sorry these updates have been so long in coming!**

* * *

Remus sat in his living room, alone. Narcissa and Regulus had departed after breakfast.

_Because when she has Regulus she doesn't need me._

_Oh, c'mon now. Don't be a prick. She wanted you to be a good influence on him. She likes you. You're her friend. She kissed you for crying out loud! Two times now!_

_She just isn't good at hanging out when there's more than the two of us. That doesn't mean anything. _

He heaved a sigh and watched the fireplace.

_It shouldn't take Sirius too long to get here. _

He had owled Sirius as soon as they left, telling him the coast was clear.

_He didn't have to hide from the evil Slytherins anymore._

Sure enough, Sirius appeared in the fireplace, covered in soot.

"Remus!" he said cheerily, "How was your week?"

"Better before you abandoned me."

_Did I really just say that? I'm not mad at him for fleeing. I'm not. I can respect that he has no tolerance for my friends. Really, I can. This is Sirius Black we're talking about. The man of my dreams._

Sirius just laughed, missing my veiled hostility entirely.

_Well, he's never been perceptive, that's for sure._

"I'm glad you missed me, I missed you too," he smiled.

_Oh, that smile..._

"How was the zoo?" I asked, "Did you see the giraffes?"

* * *

There were voices in the parlor when I walked through the front door. I froze, trying to identify them as the house elves took my baggage from me.

_It can't be Lucius._

_It IS Lucius._

_Sweet Merlin, why is HE here?_

"You're quite bold for a man who has yet to place a ring on her finger," my father's voice was irritated.

_Bold? What's he up to?_

I shut the front door as quietly as I could.

_If I go through the kitchens, they might not notice me..._

"I assure you, a ring will come in time. I can't have her loosing a family heirloom while she's off at school," Lucius said slickly.

_Nice save._

I slowly took a step in the opposite direction, placing my foot on the ground as quietly as I could.

My father snorted, "It's not like a Malfoy to allow his intended to go around with a bare finger."

"You have a contract. My signature's there," Lucius said coolly, "I have every intention of marrying your daughter."

Goosebumps shot up my spine at his words.

_If only he meant it..._

"Forgive my skepticism," my father's tone was decidedly unrepentant, "But I have several promising offers for her hand. Your actions would speak much louder than your intentions."

_Several? I wonder...but none could be as good as a Malfoy. I wonder what Father's playing at..._

I took another step.

It was then a house elf destroyed my attempt at stealth.

"Miss Narcissa, Hiccup made you some lunch!" Hiccup said in her high, squeaky voice.

_Damn you, good intentioned creature._

"Narcissa-dear!" my father's voice rang out, "Are you out there?"

_Curses._

"Yes, father," I said, forcing my tone to be sweet instead of exasperated, "I've only just walked through the door."

Hiccup caught my lie and opened her mouth, but I shook my head at her. She closed her mouth and walked back to kitchen, murmering, "Hiccup will make Miss Narcissa a new lunch later."

"With chocolate ice cream," I whispered after her.

_Such a sweet, stupid creature._

"Into the parlor please, Narcissa-dear. We have company," my father's voice commanded.

I bit back a sigh, squared my shoulders, and walked into the parlor.

* * *

"Did they give you any trouble about your furry little problem?" Sirius asked.

_Random, but I'll bite._

"No, they didn't," I said, "Why?"

"Well, you have to wonder who told You-Know-Who about it...I assume they're out to convert you now too," Sirius said, eyes unreadable.

_Narcissa would never tell...and Regulus...I didn't think he would._

"They never mentioned it, Sirius," I said, voice tired, "We can trust them."

"Trust a Slytherin," Sirius snorted derisively.

"Yeah..." I scooted away from our snuggling to look at him, "They're my friends, Sirius."

Sirius pulled me back closer to him, "Awwww Moony, don't be mad."

_Then don't attack my friends..._

"I just know them better than you do," Sirius continued, "I know they've got you all enchanted by discussions of books...but they're not the most trust-worthy people."

"They didn't tell.." I protested, but remained snuggled to him this time. This was an old argument, now, and not worth the effort.

"You started hanging out with them and a month later You-Know-Who knew everything. It's not hard to add up," Sirius petted my hair.

I sighed, "But they wouldn't tell..."

Sirius snorted, "But Regulus knew. And he tells Narcissa everything. Who, eventually, tells Lucius everything. Whether he seduces it out of her or not."

"Sirius!" I sat up again, "You're being an ass."

"I just know them better than you do," he repeated, "I grew up with all their drama, remember. It's not hard to see what happened."

He sighed and didn't try to pull me back to him.

_I hate it when we fight._

"I'm just worried, Moony," he said quietly.

* * *

Father sat in his arm chair, smoking a cigar. Lucius sat across from him, on the uncomfortable-but entirely sophisticated-couch.

Lucius stood when I entered the room.

I hesitated at the entrance.

_Lucius._

"Miss Black," Lucius took a few steps to kiss my hand.

I blushed.

He raised an eyebrow at me.

I glowered at him.

"Have a seat, dear," Father said gruffly, "We're discussing something that concerns you."

"Yes, Father," I said and took a seat in one of the chairs in the corner.

Lucius was watching me, amused, but returned to his original seat.

_Stupid boy. It's not funny. You don't just get to run away when I say I'm in love with you. You don't get to string me along and then run away when it becomes real. _

"Now, as for your request to have Narcissa finish her summer at your manor," Father said to Lucius, returning to an irritated tone.

My heart lept to my throat. I looked at Lucius, questioningly, but his eyes remained on my father.

"It's a bold request-"

_But he's a Malfoy._

"-for a suitor. It will bring forth an abundance of gossip-"

_But he's a Malfoy._

"-and our family's reputation would surely be questioned-"

_But he's a Malfoy._

"-therefore, I cannot pretend your request is permissable."  
_...What?_

I looked at Father, surprised. Malfoys get what they want.

Lucius seemed taken aback as well. People don't normally refuse Malfoys.

"Sir, I understand your concern," Lucius recovered quickly, "And I assure you, your daughter will be well-cared for. She will have her own quarters. Her reputation can remain intact."

_Or, you know, my virginity. But "reputation" works too._

"I am sure it will...because Narcissa is not going to your manor for a month unchaperoned," Father's tone was firm, "I have the following conditions for this trip-Narcissa must take a chaperone."  
_So long as it's not Bella._

"Regulus is more than welcome to join her," Lucius assented.

Father looked pleased, "I'll have a word with his father."

"Anything else?" Lucius asked, not unkindly.

_Of course not unkindly. He's a Malfoy. He knows he'll get what he wants._

"Yes," Father's eyes glinted, "The wedding date must be sooner."

_Ah. Yepp. That's what he's playing at._

Lucius blinked, "We had not yet set a date."

"I'm well aware," Father's grumpiness was apparent, "You're to marry her by the end of summer."

_WHAT?_

Lucius swallowed audibly, "I believe that's something Narcissa and I will have to discuss, Sir."

"Nonsense," Father snapped, "Narcissa will do as she's told."

_The sad, sad truth. _

"August 29th is a permissable date. Long engagments are tiresome. If you'll marry her, you'll marry her in a month. If not, the Lestranges are most persistent in their offers," Father smiled. He knew he had Lucius trapped.

Lucius turned to look at me.

I had never felt so vulnerable.

"In a month then," Lucius said, eyes never leaving mine.

* * *

"So what did happen then?" Sirius asked, not knowing when to stop poking dead things.

"Well, Regulus was only here for eight hours," I said.

_Death Eating the whole week._

"Really? He and Narcissa are inseperable. Where was he?" Sirius asked curiously.

"They didn't say," I shrugged. Avoiding eye contact with the Daily Prophet on the table. A whole family dead.

* * *

I packed for Lucius's, head a whirl.

_One month? One month! How on earth was everything to be solved in one month? I couldn't marry Lucius! Especially not now! Not after he ran. He broke my heart all over again..._

Father joined me and the elves in my room.

"Now Narcissa," his tone was cold. He had lost most of his warmth when Mother died, "Appearances are everything."

_Don't I know it._

"But appearances are only skin deep. Do you understand?"

"Good skin is the secret to a happy life," I suggested jokingly.

Father rolled his eyes, "No. Lucius sees you as a child still. I would have you seize this opportunity to fix that."

_Pardon?_

"I don't understand, Father," I said honestly.

"Lucius is using this engagement as a sheild for the child he once knew. He does not intend to wed you. You must fix that, Narcissa."

_Is Father psychic? And why would I fix that?_

"A Malfoy is the best match you could hope for, Narcissa. We must fix our family's standing. To do that, you must marry Lucius."

_But I don't want to. _

"Father," I said slowly, trying to think my words before I said them, "if what you say is true, and Lucius sees me as a child..I'm not sure how you're suggesting I fix that. Seeing how appearances are everything."

_This man is nuts. I claim no relation!_

"Yes, but appearances can be...artificial," Father said, "This is not a public matter. You must play a child for everyone else. But for Lucius, you need to appeal to the man in him."

I blinked a few times, wondering if I had heard that correctly.

"Are you suggesting?" I blushed.

Father ignored my blush, "I'm suggesting you handle this as a woman, and not as a girl. A Malfoy gets what he wants. Make him want you."

With that he left.

And I blushed.

And blushed.

And blushed.

_Father just told me to seduce Lucius._

_Seduce Lucius? SEDUCE LUCIUS? How could I do that? How? He's the one who's seductive. He's the player. He's the one who knows what he's doing. He's the one who broke my heart...twice._

And with that thought, I was twelve again.

_"Lucius is here!" Andromeda whispered in my ear before running down the stairs, giggling._

_My heart lept into my throat and I sprang to my feet._

_"Cissa!" Regulus complained. I had knocked over our game of gobstones in my haste._

_"But Reggie!" I beamed, "Lucius is here!"_

_And Regulus rolled his eyes, but followed me down the stairs._

_The Malfoy parents were deep in conversation with my own parents in the parlor. Regulus and I ran past without so much as a "hello." Lucius was in the kitchen with Sirius, Bellatrix, and Andromeda._

_"Little Miss Cissy," Lucius beamed at my arrival, "And Master Regulus as well."_

_"Are you here for the day?" I couldn't contain my enthusiasm._

_Lucius laughed, "I suppose I can be...if you'd like."_

_"I would like," I said, stupidly. _

_The elder Black children laughed at me. We spent the afternoon with Lucius, playing three versus three quidditch...Lucius taking extra time to teach me how to fly properly. I was in a swoon from his presence. I always was. He was everything I wanted. Handsome, smart, confident, nice...Lucius Malfoy was the bee's knees and the cat's pajamas._

_After dinner that day, I couldn't find him. He wasn't outside. He wasn't in the kitchens, making sundaes (though we had planned to earlier. Lucius always indulged my whims). He wasn't in the parlor. He wasn't with Andromeda and Sirius, who laughed at me and called me "Lucius's little stalker." With affection though. _

_I had left Regulus in the kitchen. To start convincing the house elves we needed sundaes. _

_Creeping upstairs, I heard it. Heavy breathing was coming from Bellatrix's bedroom. I walked faster, wondering if she was hurt. _

_I heard her moan. She sounded really hurt!_

_But just before I reached her door, I heard her say it:_

_"Lucius!"_

_She moaned his name and the gears in my brain began to work._

_I was twelve, not yet flowered. But I had two older sisters, and an older cousin. I was vaguely aware of the facts of life. Vaguely, but aware nonetheless._

_The door wasn't all the way shut._

_I pushed it open, telling myself that what I suspected was not possible._

_And yet there was Lucius and Bellatrix, clothes off, looking like the facts of life drawing with which my sisters had traumatized me. _

_I froze. Absorbing the scene. My perfect Lucius with my mean older sister. _

_And then she noticed me. _

_Bellatrix slapped the back of Lucius head, hissing, "Lucius stop!"_

_His voice was a purr, "That was a quick change of heart."_

_And he kissed her neck._

_She smacked him harder, "Seriously. Cissa!"_

_All while I stood there paralyzed. _

_At the sound of my name, Lucius sprang off Bellatrix. My twelve-year-old eyes saw all of Lucius Malfoy, as he quickly tugged his pants back on. _

_"Cissa," Bellatrix covered herself with her blanket, "You cannot tell mother and father."_

_I blinked, unable to stop looking at Lucius. My perfect Lucius...had been having SEX with my older sister. It was almost too much for my brain to process. _

_Lucius's eyes met mine and he said, hurriedly, "Miss Cissy, I-"_

_And my feet ran away. I ran down the stairs. Past the parlor. Through the ballroom. Out the door. _

_And Lucius was hot on my heels._

I folded a dress and angrily stuffed it in my suitcase. How was I supposed to ever stop being twelve to him? Father was right. He only ever saw me as a child. That was why he ran away. He couldn't stand breaking Little Miss Cissy's heart again.

_He followed me all the way to our pond, only in his pants. What mother and father must have thought, I'll never know._

_I ran out of breath and collapsed next to the water. He sat next to me and tried to hug me._

_"Get off!" I pushed him away, tears starting to come._

_"I'm sorry you saw that, Little Miss Cissy," he said, reaching out carefully to pet my hair._

_I shuddered under his touch. And not in the good way._

_"You-you-you.." I just couldn't find the words. _

_He waited, patiently for me to finish my thought._

_"You had sex with my sister," the words were forgein and hiccupy on my twelve-year-old lips. _

_"Yes," he said, looking ashamed, "I did. I'm sorry you saw it."_

_"You're with Bella?" the tears wouldn't let up. _

_"Bella and I were just...fooling around. We were bored," Lucius's tone was awkward. _

_"But what about me? We were supposed to have sundaes!" I sobbed, before I could stop myself._

_He stroked my hair again, "We can still have sundaes."_

_"But..but.." I hiccupped. Why couldn't he see? We'd never get married if he was having sex with Bellatrix!_

_"Little Miss Cissy," he poked my nose, "Why are you still crying?"_

_I sniffled, "You're going to marry Bella."_

_"I am most assuredly not," he laughed. _

_"But you had sex with her," I pointed out, only hiccupping once._

_"Sometimes you just practice having sex," the seventeen-year-old informed me, "So you're ready when you're married."_

_"Then why did you practice with Bella?" the tears started all over again, "You're supposed to marry me, not her."_

_Lucius blinked at me, "You're just a kid, Little Miss Cissy."_

_I hiccupped. _

_"C'mere," he said and pulled me into a hug. My cheek snuggled against his bare chest and his arms wrapped themselves securely around me._

_"You know you're my favorite," he told me, "You are my favorite girlie in the entire world. But you're just a kid. You're only twelve. My little angel. You'll always be special to me...but I need to date and practice with girls my age."_

_I looked up at him uncertainly. _

_He continued, "And someday, when you're older. I'll find you a suitable boy to marry. But that's a long, long time away, Little Missy."_

I slammed my suitcase closed, torn between being livid at Lucius and wanting to try out my Father's advice.

**A/N: Don't forget to review! :] **


	32. Regressing and Progressing

**A/N: Thank you so much those of you who reviewed! You're so wonderful :] This chapter is catching up the Lucius/Narcissa/Regulus/who even knows half of the story. So there's no Remus/Sirius here. I need to catch these characters up! Because they still don't have any resolution whatsoever, and Remus got his man ages ago! So this chapter is all about them. **

* * *

Looking into his eyes, I was Little Miss Cissy again. I wanted to grab his wrist and pull him to the kitchens to make sundaes with the house elves. I wanted to be on the back of his broomstick, while he flew too fast and made me scream. I wanted him to muss my hair, call me his favorite, and let me beat him at chess. I wanted him to be the perfect man I loved so much. I wanted to feel safe and secure, because Lucius Malfoy could do anything and everything. I wanted my innocence back. I wanted to look at him with eyes of adoration.

But I could only look at him with pain and disappointment.

"Narcissa?" his tone was questioning.

I blinked, determined to stay sane. I had only been at Malfoy Manor for five minutes. My parents were still talking to his parents. We still sat in the parlor. And already I felt as helpless and distraught as the twelve year-old I was trying to forget.

"Yes, Lucius?" I asked, trying to pretend I hadn't been staring at him.

"Are you alright?" his voice was soft as to not gain attention from our parents on the other side of the parlor. Regulus was asleep in his chair, half-dead from whatever death-eating he had done the night previous.

_Such the perfect chaperone, Reggie. _

"I'm fine," I lied through my teeth.

"Regulus isn't the only one who knows legilimency," he countered.

My eyes widened and a blush spread across my cheeks.

_Did he see?_

"Tell me," his voice softened at my obvious humiliation.

"Not now," I compromised.

_Just don't meet his eyes. Who knows what he'll see. But then...what doesn't he know? He already knows I love him. And Lucius isn't stupid. He can surely guess the rest. He doesn't need legilimency to know I'm dying in his presence. He doesn't need legilimency to know how hurt I am. He doesn't need legilimency to know what I'm thinking._

After my parents left, and Regulus woke up, the Malfoy parents announced they were going to dinner and a ball. Which left us alone.

_Not surprising, really. The Malfoys are never home._

Lucius turned to me as soon as his parents were safely out the door.

I watched him, hesitant.

But it was Regulus who spoke, "Well...sorry kiddos. But I have to run."

I spun around to face him, "What? You're my chaperone!"

Regulus rolled his eyes, "We all know that's just a formality."

"But, Reggie..." I trailed off, letting my thoughts say the rest.

_You can't leave me with Lucius. You just can't. He's...He's Lucius, Regulus. Who knows what will happen! I'm not okay with it. I'm not able to cope when he tortures my emotions. I need you, best friend._

"I have things to do," he told me firmly.

"Things?" I asked, in disbelief.

_What THINGS? Regulus, please!_

"Things," he answered, eyes dead.

_Reggie.._

"It's okay, Cissa," he said gently, interlocking our pinkies briefly and then letting go, "You'll be safe here with Lucius."

_SAFETY IS NOT MY ISSUE._

He chuckled, "Safety is my issue though. Lucius will take care of you. I'll be back in the morning."

_Damn you, best friend._

"I love you too," he laughed.

Then he and Lucius did the guy thing where they hit each other.

"Take care of her," Regulus commanded him.

Lucius nodded, "Always."

And Regulus left.

And it was just Lucius.

And me.

And Lucius.

And me.

And Lucius.

And me.

We fidgeted awkwardly.

"I'll, uh, make you dinner?" Lucius suggested uncertainly.

"You cook?" I asked, just as uncertainly.

"The, uh, house elves do," he said, with a slight chuckle, "What would you like?"

"Whatever is fine," I said, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable in my dress. I was aware of my skin. The hemline of my dress was in my conscious attention and I hated it.

_Pajamas. I need pajamas._

"Can I, uh, change?" I asked, "This dress is really..itchy."

_Or, you know, slutty._

Lucius laughed, tension finally breaking, "Do you remember where my room is?"

I nodded.

"Then go ahead and I'll tell the elves to start us food," he said, seeming considerably more relaxed.

I scampered off, heading directly to Lucius's bedroom with my suitcase, blushing.

_He must think me a total spaz!_

I threw my suitcase on his bed and opened it. There were dresses and skirts...but nothing comfortable. I still wasn't sure if I wanted to take Father's advice. Right now, all I wanted were pajamas. Not lingerie. Flannel pajamas.

_Lucius has flannel pajamas._

I opened his closet hesitantly.

_Would he think me weird? To borrow his pajamas?_

I found them in a drawer.

_Should I? Well, it wouldn't hurt to just try them on...see if they even fit..._

I slipped out of my uncomfortable dress and into Lucius's pajamas. It felt like heaven.

_They smell like him._

The sleeves were too big. The pants too long.

_But they smell like him._

Deciding to be obnoxious, because I was still rather irritated with him, I left the room wearing his pajamas, my dresses still scattered over his bed.

I found him in the kitchen, overseeing the dinner preparation. The elves were making my favorite meal from when I was seven-macaroni and cheese. And chocolate milk.

The sight tugged at several heartstrings...and reinforced the idea I was seven to him.

_Which is even less than twelve._

Lucius raised his eyebrows when he saw me, "My pajamas?"

_They smell like you._

"I'm stealing them for the greater good, Lucius," I said decidedly.

_Or something like that._

"The greater good?" he asked skeptically.

"Yes," I laughed, "They're much more comfortable than my dresses."

_Admittedly that's because I left my comfortable clothing at home. But whatever._

"You look adorable," he said after a moment, "Much cuter than I look in those pajamas."

His eyes had a strange, predatory look to them.

I floundered under his gaze.

Luckily, the elves finished with dinner then, and we could busy ourselves with dishing up.

"I love macaroni," I said quietly.

_Awkwardly._

"I know," he said, looking at me affectionately.

_Thinking of a seven year-old._

"And you like chocolate milk with it. And will only eat it with a fork, not a spoon," he said in the same fond tone, "Because you like to stab the noodles instead of them slipping off your spoon."

He took the salt and pepper shakes from an elf.

"Two shakes of pepper. One shake of salt," he did as he said over my bowl, smiling slightly.

I sighed, somewhere between happy and miserable, "You've always known just how to take care of me, Lucius."

His smile grew, "Well, you're my favorite, aren't you?"

"So you say," I said carefully.

_But not the one you love._

And the smile faltered as he looked at me, not meeting his eyes.

"I think we need to talk," he said, quietly. Seriously. Firmly.

"Talk?" my voice was uncomfortably high-pitched.

_Father said I need to handle this as a woman...but Lucius makes me feel like such a girl._

"Yeah..." he said, taking my free hand with his, and leading us up to his room. Bowls of macaroni in hand. Elves following with chocolate milk.

And I couldn't tell you if I was happy or terrified.

But that was my whole relationship with Lucius, was it not?

Upon arrival in his bedroom, he looked at the scattered dresses and my empty suitcase and laughed.

I blushed, set my bowl on his night stand, and began repacking everything...

...but he spotted the lingerie before I could shove it in the suitcase.

"My my Little Miss Cissy," he chuckled, "You've got some interesting selections in apparel. Especially for one so interested in keeping up appearances."

My face was on fire, "I uh...well...they were very specific."

"Oh?"

"Malfoys get what they want."

_Like he didn't already know this. And know my father would give him anything he wanted, as long as he married me._

He raised his eyebrow, "And you're supposed to give me what I want?"

"Presumably," I squeaked.

_Oh merlin, this is going no where good._

He took a step closer to me, lingerie still in hand.

_Lucius...please...don't...I want you too much for this._

"So if I wanted you to put this on?" he asked, smile twitching his lips.

_Then as long as you took it off me, I'd be fine._

"Then, presumably, I would put it on," my voice was uncomfortably high.

He laughed, "Don't have a heart attack, Miss Cissy."

I snatched the lingerie from his hand, "Then don't be a jerk."

After we had cleared off his bed, we both took a seat on it. Lucius was at the foot of the bed, cross-legged, and I leaned my back against the head board. My feet stretched out to be carefully not touching his knees. We sat and ate our food for a moment before he spoke.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"You should be, I almost blushed myself to death," I giggled.

_I don't know if I'm ready to talk about this, Lucius. _

"Not about that," he said, tone serious, "About the other day. When I ran off."

_After I said I loved you._

I dropped my gaze to my lap, "Oh. Ummm. Well. Why did you? Run off?"

_Have a good reason. Have an amazing reason. Please, Lucius. I want this to work._

"I can't tell you," he said, "But trust me. It had nothing to do with you. It was just bad timing."

_Bad timing? Really? That's the most...ridiculous reason I have ever heard._

I was silent, still looking at my lap.

"Can we continue that conversation now?" he asked, gently.

_I'm not ready to forgive you, Lucius. I don't know if I even want to talk about this._

"I'm not sure what else there is to say," I admitted to my hands.

"You don't want to marry me, because you love me?" he asked.

"No," I said miserably.

"No what?" he asked, confused.

I dropped my head in my hands and cursed life.

Lucius moved closer to me, until he was sitting directly in front of me. He stroked the back of my neck with his finger, affectionately. His skin was so cold compared to my agitated, hot skin. I was to the point of tears. And the reaction my body was giving to his touch just made it all worse.

After awhile, he began to speak, "You've grown up so much since I left. I used to know what your silences meant. I used to understand your whims. I used to be able to make sense of every mood change. I can't anymore. I don't know what's bugging you. I don't know why you won't marry me."

_I wanted to marry him, I did._

_But I didn't._

_I wanted him to want me._

_I wanted a fairy tale with Lucius, and could settle for nothing else._

_I couldn't sleep next to him every night, knowing he'd never love me like I loved him. _

_I wanted to marry Lucius so much that I couldn't._

_He was the only one who could hurt me. Why should I allow him to? _

And I looked up, tear-stained, "You slept with my sister. You disappeared for five years. You ran away when I told you I loved you. Lucius, you break my heart every time I give it to you."

My words made him flinch.

"I'm sorry," he said, brokenly, "I was a stupid seventeen year-old boy."

"And you still see me as a stupid twelve year-old girl," I snapped.

"You'll always be Miss Cissy to me," he said, confused, "Why is that bad?"

I left his bed, completely irritated once more.

_Why is that bad? Ugh, I want to be your wife, not your little sister!_

I yanked open my suitcase and found the lingerie.

"What are you doing?" he asked, confused and exasperated. He watched my irritation, not stepping in, not trying to calm me down. He just sat there, confused.

_I'll show you twelve years old..._

I dashed into the closet and quickly changed from his flannel pajamas to the silky lingerie. I stormed out of the closet.

His eyebrows almost joined his hairline.

"Do I look like I'm twelve anymore?" I demanded.

He opened his mouth to answer, but I put a hand over it. He closed his mouth again.

_Finally, I'm in charge. He'll have to listen. He'll have to see._

With my other hand, I pushed his chest so he fell flat on his back on the bed. Wasting no time, I straddled his lap.

"Lucius, I am a grown woman," I told him.

His eyes watched me, astonished. He wasn't resisting my pin to the bed, or my hand over his mouth. He was just watching me, with something odd in his eyes.

I took his hand in my free one and guided his hand up my thigh and around my hip, "Do I feel like I'm twelve anymore?"

He smiled beneath my hand, but made no attempt to answer. Watching me.

I left his hand on my hip and began to one-handedly unbutton his shirt, angrily explaining, "I want a husband who wants me, Lucius. Not someone who feels like a pedophile in bed with me. I want a husband who feels lucky he's with me...not a husband who's doing me a favor by being with me. I want a husband I can depend on-because our relationship is built on love. Not a husband who's emotionally abusive."

His shirt was completely open, and I used both hands to take it off of him. He used the freedom of his mouth to speak, "Emotionally abusive?"

"Offering to be my personal slut without saying anything about wanting ME," I elborated, "Making me feel like you only deign to be with me."

He stared at me, and it seemed comprehension was finally dawning.

I ran my hands across his muscular chest, "Would a twelve year old do this?"

He chuckled now, and slid both of his hands up my thighs and around my hips, copying the motion I led him through earlier...but his hands continued up my back and back down my front, exploring all of my curves.

Goosebumps sprouted everywhere and I found myself unable to finish my tirade, just staring at him, lips parted.

_Lucius..._

He sat up, but held my waist so I couldn't back away. And then he slowly, deliberately, pushed up the hem of skimpy silken dress/shirt/underwear covering...and then lightly pulled it off of me.

I was very aware I was straddling Lucius's lap in nothing but a bra and panties.

"You don't look like your twelve anymore," he told me, eyes burning, "You don't feel like you're twelve anymore. You don't act like you're twelve anymore. What I meant by saying it was-I have always loved you and I always will."

"Oh," I blushed, "I guess I took it the wrong way.."

"Ya think?" he chuckled, brushing my hair behind my ear, "I love you, Narcissa. I'm sorry I haven't said it before now. What can I say? I'm an idiot."

"I can't believe I just..." I buried my face in his chest, blushing, "I pinned you to the bed."

He chuckled again, wrapping his arms around me protectively, "I know. I was there."

"You can kill me now," I murmered, "I'm so embarassed."

"No, it was hot, Cissa-darling," he purred in my ear, "Don't be emabarrassed. I enjoyed the whole display."

My cheeks were on fire, in disbelief that I had been so forward with Lucius.

But his arms were around me.

And I was safe.

He took my face in his hands, and kissed me softly on the lips.

And I melted, just like I had at my birthday.

Only this time I didn't run away.

This time I kissed him back.

He guided me from his lap to the bed, and it was my turn to be pinned. My skin was so alive I couldn't think. I could only feel Lucius's hands and lips on me. He was all I wanted, and he was mine.

We didn't have sex that night. We snogged a lot. Lucius took two very cold showers. And we cuddled and snuggled, exchanging whispered expressions of love. I fell asleep in his arms, perfectly content.

The next morning, as my eyes fluttered open, I could barely believe I was waking up to reality. I was in Lucius's bed still. Wrapped in his arms.

When he saw my eyes were open, he smiled, "Good morning."

"Mmmm," I mummered, snuggling closer, "I never want to wake up, Lucius. Life is too perfect."

He laughed, "But Cissa, if you don't wake up, how will I kiss you again?"

A smile flooded my lips of its own accord, "You present a good point, Mister Malfoy."

And he was kissing me again. And I was euphoric.

A knock at the door disturbed us. We both froze.

And then I realized that I was still considerably undresssed.

There was a slightly louder knock.

"Lucius," came Regulus's voice, "You awake? Is Narcissa in there?"

His voice was too calm. He must have no idea what me being in here meant...

_Probably because I've spent so many platonic nights with him. He must think I had a bad dream, or insomnia, or was just lonely. _

_How am I going to explain to Regulus?_

_HOW?_

I snuggled deeper under the blankets, covering myself up to my neck.

_If he can't see my immodesty, he won't ask..._

"Um, yeah..." Lucius said uncertainly as Regulus opened the door.

He looked horrible. His eyes had gone deaded. His circles of exhaustion even deeper.

And didn't seem surprised to see me in Lucius's bed.

Or his dead eyes hid it.

"Sorry I left last night," he said dully.

_That turned out more than okay though._

"That's okay, Reggie," I said softly, keeping hidden in a mess of blankets and pillows.

"We know it isn't a matter of choice," Lucius said, "And you look like you could use some breakfast."

_Thank you thank you thank you thank you Lucius._

He noticed then that we were keeping something from him. But Regulus, bless his soul, was my best friend, "I really could."

"Great, let's go," Lucius stood up, "And Cissa will probably meet us down there after she does girly stuff."

Regulus raised an eyebrow.

I had never been one for morning primping. I usually liked breakfast in my first. Or I'd be too fatigued to lift the make-up brush.

I giggled and said, "You mean after I press snooze on the whole idea of waking up."

Regulus seemed appeased at that. And left with Lucius.

As soon as he was out of the room, I panicked.

_How am I going to tell Regulus that I am with Lucius? It will break his heart. I can't break his heart. He's my best friend._

_But Lucius is...my future husband._

I got dressed in random peices of clothing from both my and Lucius's wardrobes.

_Layering can make anything modest._

And then I went downstairs to join the boys in the kitchen.

They sat at the counter, eating toast and eggs. There was a place between them saved for me, and I took it.

_Awkwardly._

"So..." Regulus said slowly, "You and Lucius, huh?"

I blushed, "H-h-how?"

Regulus chuckled, "Cissa, I'm not an idiot."

Lucius said carefully, "And I just told him."

"I was trying to save you, man," Regulus told Lucius.

"No," Lucius said, looking at me, "I think she should know. I asked Regulus permission. Weeks ago."

I blinked at him. And then I blinked at Regulus.

And then I blinked at my eggs.

_...what?_

"I wasn't very well going to ask your father," Lucius explained, "And Regulus seemed like the person to ask for your hand."

I looked at Regulus, in disbelief, "And you didn't tell me?"

Regulus laughed, "Of course not. I didn't want to steal his thunder."

I rolled my eyes.

_Boys._

"So you're okay then?" I asked, searching Regulus's dead eyes.

"You have my blessing," he said, but didn't let me in his brain.

That day was surreal. I had Lucius holding my hand and kissing me every so often...and I had Regulus being Regulus. We played gobstones, had dramatic readings, and discussed the wedding.

It wasn't until the next night that complicatations began to arise.

Lucius and Regulus both felt pain in their left forearms...and then, a tall, hooded figure stormed through the front door.

The guys dropped to their knees,both taking a hand and yanking me to the floor with them.

"My Lord, what do we owe the honor?" Lucius asked.

_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. NOT AGAIN. Not the Dark Lord AGAIN._

* * *

**TBC.**

**Please Review and let me know what you think :)**_  
_


	33. Marked

_**A/N: This chapter took a LOT longer than I expected! Classes started, and work got hectic, and I have tons and tons of excuses. But it's here now, so be happy :] Thank you so much to those who reviewed! You really make my day! I hope you all like this chapter! **_

All I could feel was the pressure on my wrists. It was hard to say who had a tighter grip on my wrist-Regulus or Lucius. I definitely didn't have circulation to any of my fingers.

The Dark Lord stood over us, knelt before Him, and His mouth twisted in amusement at our fear. The familiar feeling of someone sifting through my thoughts told me the Dark Lord was an Occlumens.

_Well, of course He is. He's the Dark Lord. _

I was too in shock to be aware of my fear. All I could concentrate on was the pain in my wrists.

_My fingers are going numb..._

"Rise," He commanded after a long moment.

Lucius and Regulus rose immediately, pulling my wrists up with them. Standing, I realized I was shaking...and yet, my thoughts remained calm, so distracted by the pain.

"It has come to my attention that congratulations are in order, Lucius," the Dark Lord said silkily.

His face was a mask of neutrality, impossible to read.

Lucius's grip tightened even more on my wrist, "I would not presume to trouble you with such trivial matters, my Lord."

The Dark Lord smirked, seeing something in Lucius's thoughts, "Trivial? Lucius your wants are important to me. My servant's happiness is essential."

His words were honied, but I couldn't help but feel as though every one of them was a threat.

The Dark Lord continued, "Now let us continue into the parlor and discuss this decision with rationality."

"Of course, my Lord," Lucius said at once, and let go of my wrist to show the Dark Lord into the parlor we so often occupied.

I shot Regulus a panicked look.

_He was in my head, Reggie. In my head. Just like you. But not welcome. Why is he here, Reggie? WHY?_

Regulus's eyes were dead, and his mouth was set in a firm line. I had never seen him so devoid of emotion. I wasn't sure if he even had read my thoughts.

We followed Lucius and the Dark Lord into the parlor. I took the seat next to Lucius, on the couch. The Dark Lord sat in the arm chair across from us, and Regulus shrank into the corner chair, completely silent.

A house elf came, as if by command, carrying glasses and a bottle of wine.

_Does Lucius have a telepathic connection with house elves?_

The elf awkwardly served us and left. We were silent the entire time.

"Such useful creatures," the Dark Lord mused, "So willing to do the menial tasks that are beneath us. I should be needing one for a special assignment."

At once, Regulus spoke, "The house elves of Grimmauld Place are at your disposal, my Lord."

The Dark Lord smiled-it sent chills up my spine, "I will be calling for one in a week's time."

Lucius's hand had found my wrist as soon as I had sat next to him. It was the only thing about his presence that suggested he wasn't calm-that he was practically breaking my wrist with his fingers.

"I find it odd that you did not request my direction on this matter," the Dark Lord said abruptly, looking me up and down.

"I simply did not think it to be of interest," Lucius said coolly, "Miss Black is a woman of good lineage, the purest of blood, and sister to one of your most esteemed."

The Dark Lord gave a slight nod, "You have fine taste, Lucius. There is but a small matter we must see to."

"And what is that?" Lucius asked, pretending calm.

"We know her blood, but do we know her politics?" the Dark Lord said, voice still covered in honey.

"By the very nature of her lineage, she is certain to-" Lucius began, but the Dark Lord interrupted.

"Miss Black, what are your political views?" He asked me.

I swallowed and answered carefully, "I would share my husband's political views."

This did not fully appease Him, "Is not your own opinion of any merit?"

I mirrored Lucius's demeanor and said, "Lucius is wise. I would defer to his opinion over my own."

And I filled my thoughts with the seven year old version of myself, when Lucius had no flaws, because years with Regulus had taught me how to build mental walls.

_Perfect, handsome, wise, experienced Lucius._

I did not know the correct answers to the Dark Lord, but I knew that Lucius did.

"Your fiance calls me his Lord," the Dark Lord said, watching me carefully.

Lucius squeezed my wrist even harder. Regulus's eyes were on me. So dead.

"He does," I agreed, "As his wife, you would be my Lord as well...my Lord."

Lucius's grip loosened just a bit, and I knew I had answered correctly.

The Dark Lord dropped my gaze and turned back to Lucius, "She's a submissive one, not like her sister."

Lucius paused for a moment before answering, "She has more sense than Bellatrix. She knows when to be submissive and to whom, my Lord."

"A toast," the Dark Lord said, seeming content with our encounter, "to the impending nuptuals."

We all drank.

The Dark Lord stood and we all followed suit at once.

"Your arm, Miss Black," He said, pulling out His wand.

I began to extend my arm to him, shakily, but Lucius stopped me with his hand.

"My Lord," Lucius began in a silken voice, only somewhat frantic, "Miss Black is a woman of high society. Her wadrobe does not often cover her arms. In the interest of subtlety, might I suggest not marking her?"

The Dark Lord blinked, obviously surprised at Lucius's audicity, "The mark is a vital tool for communication and reminders of where our loyalties lie."

Lucius continued, quick on his feet, "My Lord, Miss Black will be my wife. She will be constantly at my side, bound to me. As your devoted servant, I would serve as her mark."

He and Lucius met eyes for a long moment.

And then the Dark Lord put away his wand.

"Very well, Lucius," the Dark Lord said.

"Thank you, my Lord," Lucius said, franticness disappearing.

With that, the Dark Lord left us.

"Damn Him," Regulus said as soon as He had apparated.

"Quiet," Lucius's voice was harsh, "Watch your words, Regulus."

"He's apparated; He's gone," Regulus said.

"He could be listening," Lucius hissed, "And I would not have Him take away His most gracious allowance to not mark Narcissa."

"Oh why does it matter?" Regulus sneered, "She's already called Him her Lord. The damage is done."

"What was she supposed to do?" Lucius asked, "Say that she loves mudbloods and have the Dark Lord torture her a bit and call off our wedding?"

"And the absence of the mark means what? That she can quit?" Regulus's voice had gotten considerably louder.

"It means she's mine, not His," Lucius said, looking at me with that predatory look in his eyes. I got shivers-but this time they were good.

Regulus rolled his eyes, "And your His, Lucius. So where does that leave her?"

"Safe," Lucius said, eyes warm on me.

I hated watching them fight. Regulus was seething...but I had to agree with Lucius. What else could I have done?

"I'll always be between them," Lucius said, "It's the best we could have hoped for."

He surprised me then, and took my left forearm to his mouth, kissing the naked skin.

I blushed.

Regulus looked positively disgusted.

"Mine," my fiance murmured into my flesh.

"Would you compose yourself, Lucius?" Regulus snapped, "You're acting like what just happened was good."

"Wasn't it?" Lucius asked.

"Narcissa is, for all intents and purposes, a death eater," Regulus said, hysterically, "She's sentenced to the same miserable fate we are!"

I broke in, "Regulus, I was already sentenced."

He stared at me, eyes questioning.

"I'm marrying Lucius. You're my best friend. Travers...Severus...Bella...I was never going to escape," I said softly, wondering why he hadn't seen it, "If I married Lestrange, it would have been the same."

"That's not true," Regulus said, eyes cold.

"It is," I said, forming the words carefully, "Marrying Lucius meant accepting this whole mess as part of our lives. Being your friend means accepting this mess into our lives. There's no way out, Regulus."

And his eyes shut off entirely, nothing but gray and black. His voice was harsh, "There. Is. Always. A. Way. Out."

Regulus stormed out of the parlor and out of the manor. The door slammed behind him.

I turned to Lucius then, eyes watering, "He's really mad."

Lucius nodded, pulling me into his arms, "It'll be okay. Regulus loves you."

I sniffled, "Why is he so mad? Did I do something wrong?"

"You did what you had to, Narcissa," Lucius said, stroking my hair, "Regulus just...hates this situation. He wasn't meant to be a death eater."

"Am I?" I asked, doubtfully.

"You're meant to be mine," he said, kissing my forehead.


	34. Don't Go

**A/N: This is the last "just death eaters" chapter. Next chapter Remus will be back! Next chapter is also the final chapter...Thank you for reading!**

The day before my wedding, I wandered away from my bachelorette party and sat by myself in the backyard of our mansion. It was the same lake that Lucius and I had spent so many summers playing Quidditch over. It was the same lake Regulus and I used to look for merpeople in when we were first discovering the wonders of gillyweed.

Tomorrow I would marry Lucius, and all my childhood dreams would come true.

_Then why do I feel so sad? So empty? Why do I feel like I'm going through the motions? Why aren't I euphoric?_

My month with Lucius had been blissful, and I loved him now more than ever. We planned our wedding together, and spent days with just the two of us.

_I haven't even seen Regulus since that day with the Dark Lord. He never came back to Malfoy Manor. He never owled. He just left. _

My family was ecstatic. Lucius was obvious in his affections toward me now, and my father was appeased that the wedding would actually happen. Bellatrix had been more interested in my interactions with the Dark Lord than my interactions with Lucius.

_And I was constantly surrounded by deatheaters._

Severus spent a lot of time with Lucius and me in that month. He said we gave him hope.

_Lucius and Narcissa. Narcissa and Lucius. We're the perfect story, the perfect happy ending...only it's not perfect. Where is Regulus?_

And like an answer to a prayer, he appeared beside me.

"Cissa," he said softly, interrupting my thoughts.

"Regulus!" I explained, and threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around him in a sloppy hug, "I've missed you so much, Reg. I'm so sorry!"

He hugged me back immediately, though he almost lost balance at my enthusiasm.

"Reggie, please don't be mad at me anymore," I pleaded into the front of his robes, "I just didn't know what to do. I was scared, Regulus!"

His arms tightened around me, and he spoke softly into my hair, "I know. I'm not mad, Cissa. How could I be mad at you? I love you."

I looked up at his face, "I love you too, best friend."

He smiled at me, eyes full of unadulterated affection, "Let's walk?"

I couldn't stop smiling, so full of relief to have him back, "I don't know, Reg...if I let you go, will you disappear again? Maybe I better hang on to you."

He chuckled, and pressed me close to him again, "I love you, Cissa."

We stood together, with our arms tightly around one another for a few minutes.

After a while, Regulus asked me, like it was an afterthought, "Why aren't you inside at your party?"

"Because those insipid women aren't you," I said simply. Honestly.

He laughed, "Good answer."

I stepped back, still smiling up at him, "Walk?"

He took my hand in his and we began to walk the familiar path around the lake.

My soul was purring like a kitten to have him back with me. It was like the world was normal again. My sanity had returned.

Regulus was silent for a few minutes and when he spoke, his tone was somber, "There's something I need to talk to you about, Cissa. I need you to understand it before I do it."

My eyes found his, questioning.

_Is this bad news? Will I hate it? Did I do something? Are you actually mad and you only said you weren't because you're a sadist?  
_Regulus laughed at my thoughts, "I love you, Cissa. And it's something that's serious. But it's nothing that you did wrong. It's something I want to do, but I need your ... understanding."

"Regulus, you know my love for you is unconditional. You can do what you like. I'll love you all the same," I said.

"You know I'm not ...the Dark Lord's biggest fan..." Regulus started, searching for the correct words, "After you marry Lucius...the Dark Lord won't be able to use you to hurt me as frivolously as He does now...when you're Lucius's wife, you'll be so much safer. You won't be used as my leash anymore, or at least not to the same extent..."

_I'm not sure if I like where this is going._

"The only person who will be responsible for my actions will be me," he continued, carefully, "I can't keep torturing people, Narcissa. I can't keep murdering families. I can't keep threatening people. Narcissa, it's taking all my willpower to keep Him out of my head. I can't allow myself to be an instrument in His hands. Not to be conceited, but I'd be damn useful."

I laughed hollowly, "It's not conceited if it's true. You're brilliant. We know."

"I can't allow Him to use my knowledge or my aptitude to do His will. I refuse. And I hope you understand," his eyes grew soft at the end and I saw deep grief written into his features.

"What are you going to do?" I asked, softly.

"I can't tell you," Regulus said, "If you knew, He'd torture it from you."

My eyes started to glass with tears, "Will you be alright?"

He bit his lip, and when he met my eyes, his eyes were not dead. His eyes were broken.

"No," his voice was quiet, and carefully steady, "I won't be alright."

And that's when the tears fell, and I threw myself into his arms again. His arms were tight around me immediately and he supported my whole weight as I collapsed into him.

"Don't go don't go don't go don't go don't go," I begged through my tears, hands clutching his robes, face pressed to his chest.

"I'm sorry," his voice was just as frantic and pleading as my own, "I didn't want to tell you, but I had to, Cissa. I had to say goodbye. I had to see you one last time. I love you so much. I couldn't leave without holding you one more time. I couldn't leave without imprinting your smile in my memory. I couldn't leave without seeing you."

"Don't go don't go don't go don't go don't go don't go," the tears wouldn't stop. I couldn't lose my best friend. Regulus and I were supposed to be together forever.

He stroked my hair as I sobbed and begged, holding me close to him, and frantically apologizing. I'm not sure how long I sobbed, but by the time I stopped, we had sunk to the grass and the sun had set.

"Stay," I told him, eyes unable to cry anymore, but cheeks still drenched in tears.

"I can't," there were tears on his cheeks as well.

I had not seen Regulus cry since he was six years old.

"But I love you," I said, unable to understand why he would leave me.

"I can't," he said brokenly.

I kissed his lips, desperately, before saying, "Don't you get it? _I love you._"

I emphasized each word with a kiss, which he accepted, unable to control himself.

"Narcissa," he said between kisses, "Please, don't."

"But I love you," I protested, desperate, and resumed kissing him.

He tried to break away again, to tell me to stop again, but I covered his mouth with mine and tasted his lips with my tongue. Regulus froze for a brief second, shocked at this new level of intimacy. Then, his tongue found mine and all thoughts of breaking away seemed to have left him.

I pressed harder into the kiss, reveling in my small victory. My hands tangled in his hair, pulling his face even closer to my own. My legs found their way around his waist and I pressed myself closer to him, not allowing a centimeter of space between our bodies.

He responded almost helplessly, seeming to be at the complete mercy of his hormones. His hands explored places they'd never been allowed before, and his body was having trouble hiding his enthusiasm.

I broke the kiss, noticing how aroused he was, and said, without thinking of consequences and only of how much I wanted Regulus, "Let's go inside."

"Why inside?" he asked, eyes glazed and lustful, not understanding what I meant.

"There's less grass in my bed, " I explained, ending my sentence with a long kiss.

"I...I..." Sense was threatening to ruin my victory. I could see all the reasons why we shouldn't appearing in his eyes.

"It's warmer there, too," I traced his lips with my tongue, "It's softer, there," I kissed his jawline, "And there's so much more privacy," I kiss his neck and let my hand venture downwards to a place best friends don't normally go.

"Cissa," he said weakly.

We dashed back up the path, to the house. I stopped him a few times, to kiss him, lest sense threatened to return.

In my bedroom, we had a moment of realization.

"Cissa," his voice was firmer than it had been outside, "You're getting married tomorrow."

Tears threatened to spill again, and I kissed him before saying, miserably, "What are you doing tomorrow, Regulus?"

And that time, he kissed me. The desperation I had shown outside was now apparent in him too. I responded to his touch at once, kissing him frantically. I began to unfasten his robes, and he followed my lead, unzipping my dress.

I slept with my best friend the night before I got married to Lucius. And I never saw Regulus again. The Dark Lord had Severus douse me in truth potions. I didn't know anything. All I knew was that he didn't want to be a deatheater anymore.

Lucius and I never discussed it, but I knew he knew. He knew on our wedding night, he knew when he told me that Regulus was missing, and he knew when they came to interrogate me.

I still have not come to regret it.

I miss Regulus every day. I wish he could meet my son. I still half expect him to walk into the manor and throw a dungbomb at Bellatrix. I still sometimes think he's just off buried in textbooks with Severus. I still think my thoughts loudly, hoping for the freaky twin sense to reoccur.

It never does. He's never there. And someday, somehow, I'll accept the fact that he's dead.


	35. Mourning, Hypocrisy

_**A/N: This has been a long time coming! Sorry! There's at least one more chapter after this. **_

* * *

She stood on Sirius's doorstep, the perfect picture of grief.

Sirius was alarmed that she was there. It brought the manners out of him.

He was never polite when he was comfortable.

_In fact he was often rather rude._

And Narcissa on his front stoop made him the perfect gentleman.

He asked her in, offered her tea. She barely had sat down when the tears exploded from her.

Sirius froze, helplessly, looking at me for assistance.

"What's wrong, Cissa?" I asked, moving to sit with her on the couch.

_She was just married a few days ago. Things couldn't already be messy, could they?_

But she didn't look at me. Her eyes remained only on Sirius, "Oh Sirius, he…he…"

And then there were the sobs again.

And Sirius bristled, "Was it Lucius? Did he do something? I swear I'll kill him, Cissa."

She managed to shake her head.

"You can leave him," Sirius said, moving closer to her, seeming to lose the awkwardness that had taken hold of him at her arrival, "We'll get you a divorce. It's only been a few days. Merlin, I can't believe he'd….He couldn't even be a human for a few days. Not even for you…"

He swore under his breath.

Narcissa was reclaiming her composure enough to say, "Not Lucius, Sirius. It's worse. So much worse."

Sirius stiffened, "Tell me."

She swallowed audibly, "Regulus—he's—he's…Regulus is dead."

And the sobs reappeared.

Sirius was frozen, crouched in front of his sobbing younger cousin. The pain that I saw on his face made me reevaluate everything he had ever said about what he felt about his brother.

The words from Narcissa's lips were labored and laced with hiccups, "The day before my wedding, he—he came the manor…and he wasn't right, Sirius. We had fought and I just…I just thought he was mad at me, still. For marrying Lucius. And everything that goes….that goes along with that."

Sirius was watching her with a carefully blank face.

"I was just so scared, Sirius. I didn't know what else to do. And it made him sad. What was I supposed to do? I didn't know that it would hurt him so much. I didn't know…I just knew it was what Lucius wanted me to do. He was so mad…we didn't talk for weeks, Sirius. And then he just showed up. And he said goodbye."

She winced. The words literally seemed to cause her pain.

"He said he couldn't be a death eater anymore. He said he couldn't do it. The killing. The torturing. He said he was leaving."

Sirius inhaled sharply then.

"He's gone. Everyone's been commanded to kill him on sight. But he knew he was going to die. And it's been days, Sirius. Days without word. Days without seeing him. He's gone."

Then something happened that I'd never seen before. Sirius reached out and tucked Narcissa's long blonde hair behind her ear. He scooped her into his arms in a giant hug, and started a tirade of soothing phrases.

The two were almost unaware of my presence. I felt like I was spying on something sacred. None of us had ever seen Sirius have a positive interaction with one of him family members. Looking at it now, it almost broke my heart.

Because there were pieces of Sirius I didn't know.

And I thought I knew everything there was to know about Sirius.

He held her until her sobs softened. When at last they did, he wiped some of her tears away and said, "I'm going to get you some firewhiskey."

_WAS THAT REALLY THE ANSWER HERE? Merlin, Sirius. She doesn't need to drink away her problems._

"Please and thank you," she mumbled, wiping carefully at her eyes with a lace cloth from her hand bag.

_Even though her makeup is anywhere but her eyes now, after that cry. _

Sirius returned with a bottle of firewhiskey and three shot glasses. He handed one to each of us.

_I tried to hide my disapproval. Chocolate is how you deal with grief, not alcohol._

He poured us each a shot and then said, "Bottoms up!"

We downed them.

She immediately held her empty glass out to Sirius, "More."

"Yes, ma'am," Sirius half-smiled, but there was pain in his eyes.

They sat in Sirius's living room, drunk and both mourning.

They would tell stories of days long gone, moments of pure happiness with Regulus, and then laugh. Laugh until they cried. Cried until they sobbed. And sobbed until they were empty enough to take another shot.

"Do you remember," Sirius said at one point, "The time your mother decided to have a family portrait painted."

"And she wanted Regulus in that ridiculous suit! With coat tails!"

"She chased him all around the house, pinned him to the floor, and charmed that suit on him."

"She was a dedicated woman."

"Indeed. And in the end, he lit that painting on fire."

"That he did."

"Blamed it on me, the little stinker."

"Well, you didn't catch the memo that it was Bellatrix," Narcissa teased him, "If you hadn't been so bloody happy the portrait was gone…"

Sirius laughed, "I couldn't help it. I hated that suit worse than he did. But our mum threatened me."

"She always had a soft spot for Regulus," Narcissa assented.

"Everyone did," Sirius said with some bitterness, "Mum loved him …he's was Drommy's pet, Bella even would listen to what he said…Aunt and Uncle would bend over backwards for him..and if our grandparents had a favorite—it'd be him. Perfect grades. And such aptitude. Brilliant, they called him….and he was your soulmate, wasn't he?"

"Yes," Narcissa said, "He truly was."

She paused, looking at Sirius's face, "He didn't want any of that. Not your mother, not grandfather, not Bella, not even Drommy…all he wanted was me. He never asked for anything else."

Sirius looked at her appraisingly, "That doesn't help anything."

She cast her eyes to her lap, "I know."

The two of them stayed up most of the night. I kept an eye on them. Because someone had to watch out for the grieving alcoholics in the living room.

At half past three in the morning, Lucius Malfoy came knocking at the door.

I answered it, after looking out the peephole.

_Who'd have thought I'd willingly open a door to a death eater in the middle of the night. _

"Is Narcissa here?" he asked me, without introduction.

He heard her laughs in the living room and went inside while I still stood, finding words at the door. He was immediately at her side.

"Lucius!" Sirius said, laughing still, "We were just talking about the time Regulus decided that Bellatrix was a vampire and did up her room in garlic? D'ya remember that?"

I was waiting for him to explode. I was waiting for him to demand why we had his wife, drunk in our living room at three in the morning.

But he didn't.

He just sat beside Narcissa, with his hand entwined with hers, and eyes carefully taking in the scene, and said, "Oh yes I do. Bella was so mad. Especially when he kept trying to trick her into going into the sun."

"She hung him up by his shoe laces in the big oak tree," Sirius guffawed, "It was priceless."

"And then he built her a coffin while she was sleeping…and nailed her inside it!"

_That's entirely barbaric. Odd, odd Black children._

"Then, of course, mum and dad took him to the library and got him a book on vampires," Narcissa laughed, "To properly explain to him that she wasn't…"

The three of them sighed in perfect harmony.

I felt like an outsider. Watching them reminisce about Regulus. I felt selfish and shallow for not feeling…supportive of this get together.

It was irrational, but watching them talk about a life I'd never know…made me wonder if I was the best person for Sirius. It made me wonder if I was right for him. Because I'd never be able to have these crazy memories with him. I didn't know his family.

He'd never let me know his family.

He hated that I knew Narcissa.

He hated that I'd tried to be friends with Regulus.

And I'd never be able to bridge that gap. Because he kept insisting he wanted that gap.

But did he really?

"My favorite Regulus story though," Sirius said, absently, "was when they were nine. It was Cissy's birthday party. And Bella…well, she was being Bella. She got Cissa that leash and collar."

"That said property of Lucius Malfoy," Lucius said with a devilish grin.

Sirius laughed and nodded, "That's the one! And so, Cissy, being Cissy, went and cried in the bathroom."

"You're darn right I did," Narcissa said, snuggling closer to her husband on the couch.

"Regulus was beside himself with fury. Because Bella had ruined his Cissy's birthday party," Sirius was crying laughing, "So he passed out secret invitations to everyone he deemed worthy…and had the house elves decorate the bathroom…"

"All the while, I was just like 'No, Hiccup! Can't you see I'm distraught?'"Narcissa giggled.

"And we had an amazing party in the bathroom for her ninth birthday," Sirius said fondly, "He was just such a serious little nine year old, with his 'don't you dare tell Bella what we're doing."

"Like she didn't notice the five of us all crammed in the bathroom, or the elves coming in and out with cake!" Lucius laughed.

"But was Regulus was bound and determined that Cissy would have her birthday party," Sirius sighed, "We had bathroom parties for years after that."

Lucius smiled nostalgically, "Until we discovered the firewhiskey wasn't in the bathroom."

Sirius guffawed, "That about covers it."

I watched them, and wondered if Sirius would ever talk about our adventures in the same way he was talking about his brother.

I couldn't say much for their stories. They must have been things you'd have to see for yourself to realize why they were special.

But the tales of Regulus, Sirius, and Lucius's scheme to start a boy band ("We had the grand ambition to be on the Wizard Wireless Network. And get girls."). Or how Regulus and Sirius used to stay up late sneak cookies from the kitchens of Grimmauld Place ("The house elves would do anything for him, anything. But he'd always ask for my favorite cookies too."). Or the charms Regulus tried on the family tree, to make up new relatives to see if anyone would notice ("Oh, Auntie Gilfra! She married a muggle! Don't you remember, mum?")…Or all the sweet stories there were about Regulus and his Narcissa ("He told me he could never love astronomy, because looking into the heavens was so mundane compared to looking into the soul.")….

They widened the hole in my heart…because they were family. And I never had that growing up. Sirius, James, Peter…they were my family.

But listening to him talking with them, I knew I wasn't his.

At last, Lucius said it was time to go. He thanked Sirius for his hospitality, gave him a hug, and escorted his wife out the door. It was sunrise.

Sirius didn't talk to me after they left. He watched Lucius and Narcissa leave, and then went to bed without a word.

* * *

"I'm sorry I left," I told Lucius, as soon as we were home.

The Dark Lord had announced that Regulus should be killed on sight. I had left Malfoy Manor immediately. The possibilities that must have ran through Lucius's head hit me like a brick wall.

"Don't be," he kissed my forehead, "I understand."

I looked up at my husband, "I love you."

He kissed me again, this time on the mouth, before saying, "I love you, too. Now let's get you to bed, Mrs. Malfoy."

I let Lucius guide me up the stairs to our bedroom, and we slept most of the day together.

* * *

I was so irritated with Sirius Black.

I loved him, yes, but sometimes he could be so unreasonable.

We were on assignment for the Order. After another big fight.

But that's the thing about disasters—they don't schedule themselves around your fights with your significant other. And so Sirius and I were stuck together, hoping to catch the death eaters, before they could get what they were after.

He was pacing. And I was watching him pace.

Irritated.

The fight was the same as always. We've had the same fight twenty times now.

That I was too friendly with the death eaters. With Narcissa and Lucius.

I had reminded him I wasn't the one who stayed up all night drinking with them a few weeks ago.

But he seemed to have deaf ears for that.

Narcissa and I had met up for lunch yesterday. Sirius was beside himself. Claiming I always hung out with untrustworthy people.

I thought this was hypocritical of him.

But anything I said about that night was greeted with silence. He wouldn't talk about Regulus with me. He wouldn't mention that his brother was dead. He wouldn't mention that it was killing him.

He just continued pretending they didn't mean anything to him.

"I didn't know it would hurt you," I said to his pacing, "I'm sorry that it did. But Narcissa and I are friends. And it was just lunch."

Sirius growled, "You don't know her like I do."

I sighed, "No, I don't. I don't know your precious Cissy like you do. But she is my friend. And I trust her."

Sirius's response was quick, "Do you trust Lucius? Because she tells him everything. Do you trust the You-Know-Who, because that's who they all ultimately answer to…Merlin, Remus. You're meddling things you don't understand."

* * *

Spells flashed and Lucius pushed me out of the way. I stumbled a bit, but made it to the deserted hallway with the object hidden beneath my cloak. I didn't even know what it was.

Lucius said the less information I had, the happier I'd be.

I trusted him.

But the hallway wasn't as deserted as I'd hoped.

There were two people from the Order there, standing guard.

Two people I recognized.

One of them had me by the arms. The other took off my mask.

And as my eyes met my cousin's, my heart froze.

Sirius stared at me, disbelievingly.

I couldn't say anything. There was nothing to say.

To be honest, I figured he knew.

But the disbelief in his gray eyes told me otherwise.

"Cissa?" he asked, barely a whisper.

My voice stuck in my throat.

Remus let go of my arms immediately. Trusting me not to run.

Sirius took hold of my wrist, roughly as I turned to go.

"Please," I said softly, "He'll kill me."

"Lucius?" Sirius asked, just as quietly.

"No," I said simply.

And Sirius let my wrist go.

I felt their stares on me as I apparated.

* * *

"Do you see, Remus?" Sirius asked, after he let his cousin go, "You can't be her friend. She's a death eater. You can't just go to lunch and then duel each other in the middle of the night. It doesn't work like that."

I wondered if I should point out that he was the one that let her go.

* * *

_**A/N: Don't forget to review. I love reviews. They help me update. And I would love to know your thoughts and suggestions. Also, I'm trying to figure out what to start next. I'm thinking about writing a Regulus centric one…or maybe a Regulus and Sirius centric one. The events leading up to Sirius leaving and all that fun stuff. Thoughts?**_


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